@rocilove4 No that's ok, I worded it incorrectly!

@emily526, sorry the way you said it and meant it like you were going to leave him so you basically had no choice but to leave him. I guess I read it wrong.

@sherrynygirl That's where I recommended he start looking. At the moment he's being very stubborn so we'll see. I told him he can either use this mistake as a way to grow and make himself better or he can continue down a path of self destruction. The ball really is in his court now.

@emily526 they have places that teach job skills and help them get a job

@sherrynygirl I'm very lucky I have wonderful parents, they can't stand my husband though which I understand why, especially now.

@emily526 I fully understand he needs a plan..should work out good if he wants a job or begin a career then now is his chance.. glad your parents are so supportive lucky

@sherrynygirl I'm seeing if there's anyone he can temporarily stay with, one of his siblings or something possibly. While I plan on sticking by him, I do think he may need a little help from an outside source. I would like for him to get a job and feel better about himself. I think because he is young and his military career is over, he never set himself up for after that. So he has no schooling, no prior jobs, etc. What he has said to me is that he feels like a failure. I am thinking if I can give him the opportunity to take care of himself a little bit he may start to thrive and become better. My parents are basically thrilled to hear the possibility of me and the girls coming to stay with them, and they are retired so have offered to watch both girls when I go back to work. My husband could then work full-time or go back to school and focus on what he wants for his future. He should be able to do that while being with his family, but obviously he wasn't capable. I'm also thinking this may be a way for me to see if he truly is feeling down about not having a job and helping out or if it was all just an excuse. I'll know if we have this temporary separation and he doesn't do anything constructive with it that possibly he really isn't the man I thought him to be.

@emily526 Yes!! Good idea!! Gods all about building and rebuilding families, individuals, the church etc.

@braindeadmama I got mine to watch it with me too lol. I was surprised he enjoyed it lol

@mhbb3, my husband loved it too. we were really into it for a long time 😂

@emily526 8 years you 2 have been together..He was a military man which means to me he has a big heart and although reserved (quiet type) it's a good thing! You don't want a man who loves the streets,drugs,partying,abusing you in any way! NOT many men can do what he does or what my man does stay home and raise THEIR children..except mine works in the evening once I am home from work and has been doing this when I went back to work when my last son was 5wks old.I also make more money than mine but,I have a career..So yes maybe your man feels he isn't the head of household/provider...But,he seems like a good guy(RARE these days) we all have faults...Is this forgivable in your eyes? I think personally he's going thru something and acting out on impulse... I've stuck by my man of 17 yrs thru plenty but,,,when his own family gave up I was there to see him stop doing drugs/no more jail trips / are we perfect no does he try his best.. ask yourself??You seem like a good woman do what's best FOR YOU and your chidren...I wouldn't put my man in the street unless you never plan to be with him...Are you able to move elsewhere together even if it's downsizing asap..since your neighbor s want him gone? Sorry 💓 hope things get better for you both

@emily526, he is ready to work on it and put himself together ? I mean does he have desire? Then maybe it’ll be better to do it... Really hope things work!

@angelinao Thank you for your input. I didn't clarify that I dont actually want to leave him permanently, I just meant a temporary separation physically (not mentally). I thought that way he could get himself together, with my support, and work on himself a little bit. My parents can help watch the girls while he does that.

@emily526, don’t think about those people. What they think is not important. Your shock is understandable, give yourself time and it’ll get easier. Talk to him. Maybe his not that happy that he doesn’t provide for his family. I have a feeling that’s not the only reason why you want to leave... I’d say think everything through. Don’t rush

@mhbb3 Funny you mentioned church. I was thinking since we would be living separately for some time that church may be a good place for us to come together. I thought we could start by all going to church together and that be our place to be with one another in the beginning and then as things progress and become better and hopefully he becomes more mentally stable we can add more time in together from there.

@rocilove4 I should clarify, I don't plan on leaving him as in divorcing him. I meant a separation temporarily because if we need to move out I have nowhere to go but my parents house and he wouldn't be welcome there unfortunately. My parents aren't involved in our relationship, but I had to tell them what was going on just so that I could know if I'd have a place to stay or not. I'm thinking the separation (a physical one not mentally, meaning we'd still be together just not living together) might be good for him. It may give him the time he needs to take care of himself.

@emily526, it sucks that he stole from the neighbors but to leave your husband for one incident that he apologized for and won’t do again. It’s been 8 years so one stupid mistake shouldn’t change how you feel about him don’t let your parents get involve in your relationship give him a higher chance if he does it again then talk about separation. He doesn’t work but his taking care of your kids you will it find anyone better then him to take care of your kids

@braindeadmama Best show ever. I STILL watch it.

op, I think you standing by your man is great. Make sure he understands there are consequences and don't let your guard down for AWHILE.
I think therapy should be non negotiable. You don't have to tell anyone. It's no one's business. If they ask, he made a mistake, if they probe, you'd appreciate privacy while dealing with this private matter.
I think he did this for emotional reasons so I also think getting a job or school or church or a constructive hobby should also be non negotiable. I'd start with Jesus and church.

@mhbb3, i liked your comment literally just because you referenced desperate housewives 😂😂😂

@mhbb3 Agreed. I'm just so disappointed in him and selfishly I'm embarrassed because idk what to tell people. I don't need anyone hating on him for a decision he already feels badly about and honestly it's nobody's business. I don't plan on leaving him even if we need to live separately for awhile because I want him to get help for whatever he's going through and whether we work out in the end or not I will give him my support during that time.

@emily526 in that case maybe it wasn't really about the money. Stealing gives some people a thrill. There's an episode of Desperate Housewives just like this. Orson loses his job, brie his wife gets rich and he starts stealing from all the neighbors!
He probably does feel a little inferior but this is definitely not the way to fix it.

@mhbb3 I agree that maybe he needs some time on his own to build himself up with a job and counseling, etc. It doesn't bother me at all that he stays home, but this was the first I've heard of it upsetting him. I know his friends joke on him sometimes for it, that he has to ask his wife for money and things like that. But I didn't know he was really bothered by being a SAHD. He said he thought he could sell what he took and give me some money for a change. I also want to add that we aren't hurting for money, so that's why I feel almost sad for him that he felt that he needed to do this.

@flower_princess He doesn't need to work, I'm lucky enough to make enough to support my family on my own. He came back from the military a few months after our 1st was born and has been a SAHD ever since. Until literally today he has always said he enjoyed being a SAHD. Idk if someone said something to him that made him feel different or he had a change of heart or what, but today was the first I heard of his feeling lousy for not "contributing" more to our family.

Well if he didn’t cheat physically or emotionally or abuse you I think there’s always room to forgive and try to make it work if both parties are willing and Love is still strong.

@jack.ass I'm sure he is, we go to marriage counseling. Not because we have issues, just because its helped us become closer. I just don't know what type of counseling or what he needs. This really hit me from left field, he's never had any problems with the law or with other people at all. He's typically really shy I'm surprised he even made it in the military with how quiet he is. He is young (so am I, but he's even younger than I am) and I'm not saying that as an excuse, I'm saying it meaning I believe he acted off of impulse which is typically something younger people do. I know once confronted about it by the neighbor he was too scared to own up to it, and then I guess when things got more serious he had no choice but to come clean.

I think your husband deserves a chance but if you need to get some space maybe you can forgive him one day.

@emily526
I think you should stay and the two of you move through this together. I think you should live with your parents and maybe he should get a job and a place if it also bothers you that he stays at home.
This is a compulsive act and he probably needs some counseling or something to raise his self esteem.
I think he should have to stay away for a little bit to see how his actions have affected his life. Maybe if he pulls it together your parents will become accepting of him.

@emily526, why is he a SAHD? Does he not want to work ??

He hasn't made such a big mistake that i left but i have because i felt trapped before. I felt i needed space and he was controlling. I ended up going back to him though.

@emily526, is he willing to go to counseling?

@jleona I added more details in my comment above. I wasn't going to get into it, but I'm too embarrassed to even talk to my girlfriends about it so I have to share with someone lol.

@mhbb3 I probably have to get more into detail for this to make sense, but basically he stole from a neighbor. He said he was feeling down about himself, always being broke (he's a SAHD), and he wasn't thinking. When the neighbor confronted him he denied it, then police got involved and he confessed. This has been going on for a few weeks but I didn't know about it at all, I knew the neighbor accused him, but there was no proof so I figured it wasnt him, my husband has never stolen and he has no record or anything it wasnt in his character to do something like that, I've been with him for almost 8 years now and he's never done anything like this. Well now the neighbors want us out because "they're afraid". My husband said he would go, but apparently that's not enough. My only option if we do go is to take the girls and move back with my parents. My parents are ok with it and being so supportive of me, but I just feel so embarrassed that he did that. I dont want to leave him because I believe it was a lapse in judgement that he regrets deeply, but I feel I have no choice but to just go my own way. My parents don't like him because he's a SAHD and they want me to be with a man who's going to take care of me etc etc, typical parents. So I would move back with them with the girls and idk where my husband would go, he really has no family or anything he can stay with so he'd just be on his own I guess.

Absolutely. But I've forgiven my boyfriend for MANY things I never thought I would be able to.

Personally if he does something awful but shows by his actions he wants to make it right, and genuinely fights for us then there is always a chance. Especially once we get married. There are some things that would be immediate separation but I'm always open to forgiveness if he's sorry. We've both had our mistakes but I've yet to find something unforgivable and we've been through it.
That said it's all about if he's truly remorseful and if you can move past it. And if it's repetitive that's a whole different story.