@nomli I dont get it either! My job only provides 16w FMLA so unpaid leave and of course you have to have worked there so long to qualify. But if you have annual or sick time then they make you use all of that before any unpaid time. Its just that you cannot be out longer than 16w. I've been there for nearly 3 years so I've gotten like 10w paid time built up and I can only afford to maybe take 2 weeks unpaid. But my boss was stressing me to leave some vacation time in case of emergencies. Which I get but that would put me only getting to be home for like 9 weeks. So I'm going to just use the full 10 paid and take 2 unpaid and then I can just use FMLA if an emergency does come up. Plus I get 1 AL and 1 SL every month if it's not used and I have the ability to work from home or create my own schedule unless I'm on call so I will make it work. I'm going to take my full time off and they cant make me feel bad about that! Just crazy for another woman to be pressuring me to come back to work. She should understand wanting to be home with your first born child.

Anyway. His job requires him to be on site. He drug screens people and they are randomly selected to cone in every day from 8 to 430 and his job has mainly females which is why they hired him because they needed to have a male to supervise male screens :/ he also does their budgeting and stuff for the lab so he is hoping he can maybe at least do some of that at night so that hes not using up all his time and just have someone do the screens during the day. Or maybe go in a couple of days out of the week if I'm doing okay.

@rachael.mei, I will never understand someone who can take the whole maternity leave who chooses not to. People who can't afford to or don't get maternity leave, yes, that's a different story, but I would take every day offered.

My fiancé's work letting take what he wanted, but it relied on his vacation days. The year after our son they implemented 6 weeks of paternity leave, which will be great for the next time.

I hope you can get it to work! Or if not, I hope his work will let him leave without issue. Does he have a job where he can do work from home days if necessary, just in this case, or does he absolutely have to be on site?

@rachael.mei, I completely freaked out. Didn’t know weather I was scared or excited that I was in prelabor. I had to call my bf to come home early from work and meet me at the hospital

@nomli that's what I'm saying!! My boss has even been the same way! She kept saying how she didnt take the full amount of time she could've because she wanted to come back to work already. Shes a workaholic though and literally was checking her emails before getting on a cruise. And I'm just like uh NO. I'm not rushing back to work. I'm spending as much time with my daughter as I can and they cant do anything about it or else I'll see them in court. Its ridiculous to make parents feel guilty about taking time off to be parents!

Anywho. He has said for me to do them early normally but my 37w appointment they have an office meeting that morning so he said if I want him to come then it'll have to be later so I'm going to have to make sure if they have an availability for that afternoon. Only problem is my job is unpredictable so it's easier for me to do mornings. But I'll just have to make it work!

@rachael.mei, oh, I'd be so pissed if his boss said that to him. Like, good for you, but some dad's want to spend time with the baby and help.

He had actually only been at that job for three weeks, but when he told his boss that I was going to the hospital and said he would bring his computer to work while we waited, his boss said "No, just be with your fiance."

Are your appointments early in the day? Maybe schedule them early enough so he can go into work afterwards, or late enough that he'd only have to leave work an hour or so early.

@db413 oh wow!! See that's what I feel like will end up happening one day and I'm the type to sorta panic and he puts me in check and calms me down lol even the other weekend when we had our scare, I was over here crying worrying about the baby and from the pain and he immediately jumped in and did stuff he learned from class to calm me down and ease the pain. Even though he was scared to death himself lol. And it got to the point I finally calmed down and was able to laugh and the contractions stopped coming as frequent and I could sleep

@nomli well technically it's only like 30min from my hospital but with it being a city area it is always congested with traffic nonstop so it takes much longer. Like we dont live but maybe 20 min from the hospital and it takes him an hour and 15min normally to get home. So I would say 30 to 40 on average for him to get to the hospital but that's once he gets to his parking garage and gets on the road. He would probably have to tie up stuff at work before leaving. Hes the only one who does his job. His boss was already sorta giving him a hard time yesterday saying "I only took one week off and that was plenty for me and my wife wanted me to go back to work". My husband is adamant about wanting to be present for me so he didnt take that very well. So I'm hoping that they dont give him a hard time about leaving :/

Some don’t even dilate or thin until beginning of labor. I’m sorta in the same boat but my husband can’t come to any appointments cause of work.

I got checked at 37 weeks and I was already 3 cm and 50%. It all depends on the baby. I went to that appt alone because I wasn’t feeling contractions. But I was having consistent ones already. I was sent home. Told to pack for the hospital and go right after my appt.

My friend did go in for a checkup and was sent to the hospital to deliver via emergency c-section at 38 weeks, my sister was sent from her 39 week appointment straight to L&D as well. Friend had her baby less than an hour later, my sister was a whole day. I was sent at 36 weeks for a non stress test and passed.

How far away does he work? Mostly when they send you, there's still some time before you deliver unless it's an emergency, so he'd probably still make it if you call him on the way there. After I got sent for the test I asked my fiance to come to the rest of my appointments, because he worked 90 minutes away.

When I had him, it took three days for me to fully dilate and efface. Contractions started Thursday, was at a 2 Friday morning, and at 10 and 100% Saturday evening.

@rachael.mei, I doubt you will end up being alone. Your 1st labor is typically pretty long. Just tell him to have his phone on him at all times since it is possible to go into labor soon.

I didn't start to dilate until 38 weeks.

@bigmama18md okay thanks! Yeah I want him to save his time because he only just started that job within the year so he doesnt have but a couple of weeks built up. But I'm also a big baby and dont wanna be alone since it's my first time! Lol

@rachael.mei, I see. I would ask him to come to the next one just Incase. And the others even if they send you over to labor and delivery it will likely be a while before you actually deliver. If he can’t take off much work it stinks but I would save that time for when the baby actually comes.

@bigmama18md problem is I wont know if they're going to do a scan or not at the 37w one so he may have to go just in case they do one and tell us we have to make some decisions on delivery :/ it's just hard for him to get off of work so I'm trying to only ask him to come to what's important. We have watched shows where women go to get checked and then get sent over to the hospital to have the baby so I'm just worried to go alone and that happen because he works out in the city and itll take him awhile to get there

You could start to dialate and thin out a few weeks before you actually deliver. You can take him to the ultrasound one but the last couple appointments are just a quick check and they send you on your way and tell you to call if you go in labor.