Since it seems to be spank your kid day- I’m going to drop some links.
There’s a reason it’s banned in 53 countries.
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3768154/
This is the tip of the iceberg. I can provide more if you’re interested in learning.
Here’s a link on peaceful parenting versus spankings:
https://www.peacefulparent.com/the-peaceful-parenting-philosophy/
@neko86, I went through some very rough years of infertility and having a micro preemie which gave me anxiety and PTSD. Researching child development is what helped me through and cope. I find it extremely fascinating. I fought incredibly hard to bring my middle baby here and for him to live, my wish is to provide him (and all my kids) with the best life I possibly can.
@karensmommy, I hope so! Breaking the cycle is hard. There are hard days. I was raised with spankings and wooden spoons. I regrettably spanked my oldest. Know better, do better. @idontwant2bapie, kudos! My family doesn’t understand why we don’t either, but quite frankly idgaf
Thank you! Spanking has been thrown around as “normal” way too long. When really, there is absolutely nothing normal about hitting your children as punishment or when you’re angry. I wish some of these moms on here would give it more thought, because when you reaaaaaalllly think about it, it’s completely illogical!
@idontwant2bapie, I have seen that reasoning twice on here, by two different moms, as to why they spank.
We get pissed when our children hit, why aren’t we any better? 🤷🏼♀️
I think it depends on what type of "spanking" you are talking about. I would never hit my children or spank them a lot because i am upset at something. However, i do think sometimes the best way to correct a child is with a spank in their butt (not too harsh and not when you are angry) but some kids really need it. It depends on the kid and how much they are willing to be corrected or disciplined. My daughter doesn't seem to need much spanking, as long as you reason(a bit) with her she obeys but my nephew is super stubborn and it doesn't matter what you say to him, so his parents who were big on anti-spanking had to spank him a few times for him to get it. Idk
Exactly what @idontwant2bapie said! My mother is baffled that I will not hit my child because she hit all of hers as we were growing up. I can discipline my child without hitting her. Why the hell would I hit her but turn around and teach her not to hit others?!
Such a touchy subject considering most of our generation was spanked, I don’t like it very much
I think patience can go a long ways without having to bring it to a physical level.
It’s more tedious and time consuming to have patience but well worth it, just yesterday addi was playing with my lipstick, I took it away and she went on with her fit and still had the cap, I just kept telling her calmly why she doesn’t need to play with it right now and to give me the cap. After awhile of crying an anger she finally pouted over to me and handed me the lipstick cap. That made me proud, if I would’ve just spanked her and snatched it I would have never got to feel that sense of pride.
@josefa, did you actually read all this information? Hitting is hitting no matter what cutesy thing it gets called. There is no need for it ever.
@lost.sock.thief, I find far more success with my children by telling them what they CAN do rather than what they cannot. Kudos for maintaining your cool. I would tell my kids - it’s not appropriate right now, but you can wear that when you’re older, after you ask, or you can wear chapstick rather than this etc.
@laniejay, well I disagree... there are clearly different ways to correct your child. Hitting is not the same as a spank to me and its not about how you call it
and im not one thats all for spanking either. i just thing there needs to bea balance. Extreme thoughts are never good
@josefa I used to try to justify it, too. But once I did more research, I learned there is never an appropriate way to spank a child. The research and statistics speak for themselves.
@yayacarrington, well maybe ill read about it then. im not closed to the idea im just saying what I have seen and my experience.
@josefa, have a read, it’s a lot but very eye opening. Then come back.
I believe these tips are great; and some of the findings probably have valid points as well... granted alot of stastics and results of these findings (research in general) are very generalized. Meaning they use findings/results by certain cultures, social status, etc. (And
Say what you may but social factors matter....moving on)
BUT it is unfair to assume anyone who "spanks" is automatically abusing their child; like I've seen a lot of ladies automatically assume from this very post.
There's a difference between advocating a subject because you earnestly care, and want to benefit the child and our community - verses bashing, and judging - basically bullying a person. Never giving no advice, only insults.
I think each situation is different and discipline/parenting is dependant on age, the act, the intensity/reputation of the act, the child in general - their comprehensive level.
I also think there's a small window of time where "spanking" is even propable or beneficial, even appropriate.
Yes, a lot of our parents and our parents parents were out of line with it. Personally, I got few spankings and was talked to before and afterwards.
I also definitely agree that any form of parenting needs to be properly communicated to fit the childs understanding. I would bet with these tips, (which most of them I already use) it would bring better and different results.
And, I'm also not against "spanking" - and I was spanked: don't abuse my child, don't have any emotional issues resulting from spankings, nor do I have a criminal record or am I an agressive individual - as a matter of fact I have worked in the mental health field , studied psychology for two years and have volunteerily taken several classes on emotional health, abused and sexually explotied children, and parenting in general.
I just think there is a line behavior alternative ways to parent and assuming others are "child abusers", especially when most of us that don't spank - "were" spanked and aren't that "messed up" by it - obviously, as some in a better position to inquire more education and better ways.
My point, every one that chooses to spank is not "beating" their child - and/or not using alternatives as well, doesn't mean there not compassionate, not less than a parent that does not.
It's child abuse in not correcting behavior on any level as well, resulting in criminal or abusive behavior as well to self and others - as adults.
I appreciate the OP because just recently it was not proposed in this manner at all, maybe now it can be received properly - because Im sure the information can help others.
@angelfoodcake Spanking doesn't always lead to criminal behavior, although there is a strong correlation between physical punishment and jail time. Sometimes it's less obvious like difficulty with proper communication or learning to be manipulative in order to avoid confrontation. There are far more negative behaviors related to having been spanked than positive outcomes. For me, it's just not worth the risk when there are so many more appropriate alternatives.
@josefa, no one spanks their child AFTER they calm down though. People spank when they’re frustrated and can’t think of any other ways to handle the situation. Either way is NOT okay, I just find it bogus when people say they are no longer angry when they spank
@angelfoodcake, I did not equate all Spankers to child abusers. I’m providing information here and links for education purposes. I do feel it’s ineffective and lazy parenting. There are other choices that take more work. Much of the “bad” behavior spoken of here is due to parents who haven’t a clue about child development and set their kids up for failure in the situation.
I hope you weren’t referencing me when you were speaking of bashing, bullying etc. judging? Yes. I absolutely will judge parents who choose to parent poorly simply “because” and choose not to research and be able to validate their choices. I will judge a parent who spanks a baby, I will judge because I am human. Providing facts and education is not bullying or bashing. I back up everything I say with factual information and do not sling insults unless witty and warranted.
@modom16, it would be too late to spank a child once they’ve calmed down anyways. It must be addressed immediately or it’s useless so that argument always strikes me as .. well dumb. And as you said, we all know that is not what happens.
@yayacarrington I can respect your take and decision - and can even understand the correlation you are insinuating regarding "jail time" etc, which I was very well intended by my expressing the statement regarding criminal history, as quite often criminals face jail time....
although my main point is everyone that does "spank" is not doing it out of anger, obsessively, or managing their parenting incorrectly - irresponsibly.
I can only speak for myself and those I have been around. There is different a big difference between the two - and abuse - which believe it or not, a lot of abuse it is done verbally these days - and not always using agressive or loud tones.
My MIL “popped” my toddler!! He was 16 months at the time... needless to say she won’t be alone with him again. I told her we don’t hit or spank and she said that it may help... since then I’ve been annoyed with her bad advice.
@laniejay I can't say if it was you for certain or not but on another post quite recently a girl was called an abuser by several other girls based on one post - going on to say anyone that spanks is abusive, etc. It's just not true.
@laniejay And on that post there was zero information, support, zero.
@laniejay But anywho, I'm done, I spoke my peace and like I said I appreciate the information and glad it was given appropriately this time. Peace and love.
@angelfoodcake, I didn’t see a post like that. Well except the one who hit her 2 month old. That there is no excuse for.
@laniejay I didn't see that about a 2 month old... Now that's abuse. But still sometimes it helps to approach the person differently if anything to help the child. I just see alot of situations where no doubt the parent is wrong but it's no help given just double teaming and it doesn't register = child still in messed up situation. I have personally reached out to people via message and they have been receptive, I mean you never know could save a child or something 🤗🤔
This is the link to the peaceful parenting chat group. If anyone is interested in learning about parenting without threats, intimidation, or punishments then feel free to join us. Everyone is welcome!
https://web.mom.life/chat/topic/a1109d37-a379-4bb0-b787-261b009c259d
Is the post still up or has it been deleted? I completely missed it today. 👀
The bottom line is you can’t tell anyone what to do with their child. You can not like people spanking all you want to but there is absolutely nothing you can do it about. It’s not concern when you make broad generalizations, it’s an attempt to prove you’re a better parent. Parents have a right to choose which tactics and how they want to raise their children. Just like you have a right. You absolutely don't have to agree but as long as its not child abuse again what can you do about how someone else raises their child?
@poshcourtney We can do our best to advocate for all children. We can spread knowledge and experience so that we can help educate others about best practices. There is so much we can do to help others who have not had access to the same information. It's not about being better than anyone else. We are all learning as we go and our strengths are in different areas. If I can help guide another parent to at least look into peaceful parenting, then I will take every opportunity to do so.
@yayacarrington, can you add me to peaceful parenting group plz? I don't plan on spanking my kid... it just leads to an angry adult who is a poor communicator and/or listener. I was spanked and sometimes my feelings grab a hold of me when instead I could have talked it out better. @laniejay, I agree.. not spanking still means there's discipline.
I was beat extremely harshly as a child. Bare ass and belts til I couldn't stand it. I got welts, that would burn when I bathed. One time I tried pushing my grandmother away and another person around threatened to "stomp a mud hole" in my ass off I did it again. I will never spank my daughter.. ever!!
@yayacarrington you're awesome. Always so supportive and kind. @laniejay thanks for the info, there's lots I actually didnt know. I like that the articles are actual research articles, not "opinion" pieces!
@mandynicole883, do you find facts and science amusing? I do as well. Keeps me very entertained.
@erikak, I’m very big on credible research. I do read opinions, but I do not base decisions on them.
@caligirlatheart If you let me follow you, I can get you added to the group 😊
Yaya Carrington·
Мама троих детей
@poshcourtney We can do our best to advocate for all children. We can spread knowledge and experience so that we can help educate others about best practices. There is so much we can do to help others who have not had access to the same information. It's not about being better than anyone else. We are all learning as we go and our strengths are in different areas. If I can help guide another parent to at least look into peaceful parenting, then I will take every opportunity to do so.
ErikaK·
@yayacarrington you're awesome. Always so supportive and kind. @laniejay thanks for the info, there's lots I actually didnt know. I like that the articles are actual research articles, not "opinion" pieces!