How to love our baby? do you think all the love from parents are unselfish? or there are still parents who expect some return from their grown-up offsprings?
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@naughtybaby yeah so similar, it just takes a bit of courage to stand up for yourself and I’m still working on it myself. Once your baby is in your arms you will realize that she is not worth the energy. I remember when my daughter was only a few months old and my mum came round and basically criticized everything even though I had done her a favour and I felt horrible after and I could tell that my baby could tell I was not happy. Babies and children can sense emotions and that’s when I realized that I’m not having anyone make my baby unhappy and she’s only been in my house once since then xx
@genieh when i left home to study here, i told her the time I was to leave. the night before I left, she locked her door and was very angry and then came out and walked around in the dining room noisily. on the next day, I wanted to say goodbye but I did not know where she was. then she complained to my father that I was a bad daughter and did not respect them at all. and then my dad was so angry that he said he does not have such a daughter. then, she was happy.
@genieh we should have a handshake for our similar experience. When I asked my boyfriend to cook the meal and I washed the ingredients, she said I should not ask him to do that because he may feel unhappy about it. the thing is my boyfriend cooks me meals everyday. When I asked my boyfriend to wash her clothes, she stopped me and said that I should do it for him. I refused but she helped wash his clothes at the end...When I was unhappy that my boyfriend did not bring me a gift as usual after he travelled from business, she criticised that I should not be that mean...
@naughtybaby I know! I was thinking we could almost be long lost sisters or something!😂 yeah same, I think I asked him to do something like wash up a few dishes and she was like “no he shouldn’t do that, you should do that for him if you’re a loving wife” I was like no he’s a grown man and he can clean up his own mess that doesn’t mean I’m not a good wife! Luckily he saw through it and figured out what her plan was. My mum does that to other people. Like I text her to organize to meet up every few months so I get to see my sisters and she ignores my texts and then bitches about me to her work colleagues and other family members that she never sees us- even when I’ve tried to see her! Like I said nothing will ever be good enough for her, damned if I do and damned if I don’t! Xx
@genieh she even tried to break the relationship between my brother and me. and educated my brother that I once tried to kill him. she is so horrible.
@genieh i once studied Beauvoir's book-- the Second Gender. this book has a very detailed description about the psychology activities of those crazy mums. it is really useful to know something that these mums may do.
@genieh why our situation is so alike? her tactic to break the relationship between me and my boyfriend is to do good to my boyfriend and show her considerate. she often distorts what I did and said maliciously and persuades my boyfriend to think I am a crazy girl.
@naughtybaby same same same! My mums jealous too, she’s been divorced twice and broke up with her ex fiancé. When my mum lived with me she would try to start arguments like I would ask my husband to do something and she would try to make him go against what I’d said to make him go on ‘her side’ if you know what I mean. Exactly, some people will never be satisfied no matter what xx
@genieh I agree with you. she is really jealous of me. she envies me and my life. my boyfriend loves me very much. once my mum lived a month with us, i can tell from her eye that she thinks the relationship between my boyfriend and me is too harmonious. and then in the following time, she kept finding fault with me and quarreled with me without a reason. I could not stand her. so I bought her a ticket and continued to give her a considerable amount of money in the following month. but she still told others that I was a bitch and do not care about her at all.
@naughtybaby also you could give her everything and do everything she wants and it would still never be enough or good enough. Hope you’re ok, I know it’s not nice xx
@naughtybaby I’d say she’s jealous of you. I know how hard it is to distance yourself from someone and it took me a long time to fully realize what my mum is like and it still hurts when I hear the things she says about me which are untrue. No mother should talk like that about their own child. I do still care and I want the best for her and I always will but I’ve realized that it’s not my responsibility to make that happen for her. It’s my responsibility as a Mum to make sure that my daughter has that. Unfortunately you can’t make a bad person good ☹️ xx
@genieh Yeah, I've told her many times about how to be a happy person instead of grumbling every person in her life. but she just continues as before. I agree with you that only she can save herself and be a happy person. you know what she often abandoned me at home. when I was 6, I have started to wash her clothes, cook her meals, comfort her after she quarreled with my dad or even try to protect her. but when I grow up, I find she is not the kind of nice mum like my cousins. she could humiliate me in front of many strangers just because I got a fever and needed a little money to buy some medicine. when I went travelling with my boyfriend, she often criticized me for not taking her with us. when I was in need of some money to pay my rent in the first year after graduation, she even did not want to talk with me. but when I came home and gave her some money, she took it for granted and even told others that I did not give her any money. she broke my heart. I do not want to see her any more but I still care about her health and hope she can be good.
@naughtybaby yep! Same my mum doesn’t like my OH or my brothers OH because they stand up to her but my sisters boyfriend is great because he just goes along with it. Honestly you need to focus on bettering your life and your baby’s. Only she can better her life and if she’s anything like my mum she’ll just take and take and take so I wouldn’t bother because you’ll probably be wasting your time. My mum claimed her ex was abusing her so we told her she and my younger siblings could stay with us temporarily and they were here for 4months and she made no effort to move out or anything- we basically ended up finding her a place so she had to move out! Then she’s honestly done nothing but lie and bitch about us to anyone that will listen- so ungrateful, we spent thousands on her and no thanks whatsoever. It’s taken me a while but I’ve realised I’m happier without her in my life xx
@genieh I agree with what you said. she just wants to make every one under her control including me, my dad and my brother. She often broadcasts negative rumors of us three. She often probes how much money I have and look into my privacy. my dad now even hates to talk with her. the relatives also consider her as a joke. I want to better her life but she is so abnormal that she wants everything I have.
@naughtybaby sounds similar to mine. She once tried to take my sleeping newborn out of my arms like she was hers. She seems to think that because she’s my mum she should still have control over me even though I’m almost 26! My mum did live with me and my husband because she lied and exaggerated that her exhusband was being abusive to her. I have never and would never leave my daughter with her. She makes out to everyone else that she’s a great mum and that I’m the bad one for not letting her see her granddaughter often which is annoying but really the people who know me know better. If I were you, I’d definitely set boundaries and then if necessary cut her out of your life completely- it’s not ok to treat someone like that and it’s not a good example to your baby to see anyone being so awful to it’s Mummy. At this point in life you have to put yourself and your baby first. Nobody needs anyone trying to drag them down xx
@genieh yes, I think my mum treats me very bad. she never respects me and often grabs my personal stuffs to be hers. she often asks me for money or forces me to buy her things. she also breaks the relationship between my father and me. she even educates my younger brother to rely on me to get him money. she even threatens to live with me just to destroy my life. she is really horrible. though I am going to have my baby, I do not expect her help at all. God knows what she would want to do on my baby.
No, some parents are selfish and do expect things from their adult children, like mine, which is why I keep my distance from her as much as possible. All I can do is learn from her mistakes and I know I’ll be a better mum to my daughter than she was to me xx
@ezchaz unfortunately, I have a mum who knows no love and just expect the return. I vow to be a different mum for my baby.
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@genieh you are right. I once was unhappy and even sad about her. but I forget it when I started to better my life. we should try to make our life happy and get away from her.