You know, I've been pretty upset with the fact that my boyfriend doesn't watch our daughter as often as I'd like him to. I mean, I get he works for about 9-10 hours with construction, but he has a three day weekend. During the days he works, he comes home and maybe watches her 40 mins altogether just while I do some dishes real quick or something, then it's my turn again.

And on the weekends, as long as I'm awake, pretty much, I'm watching her. He'll watch her for like ten minutes. But he WILL let me take like a three hour nap. If I reeeeeeaally need sleep is when he will watch her. But he always says she naps the same time as me anyways. And I wake up to her crying when she's hungry so he doesn't even have to feed her.

Well, my point is, I've been upset about how little he watches her, but not because I hate having to watch her constantly, but because I wonder why he wanted a child if he's hardly gonna chill with her. That's just gonna make her sad in the future when I'm gonna be the only one wanting to spend time with her but dad's always busy with everything else.

I keep trying to get him to watch her by even pretending like it bothers me having to take care of her constantly, but he still makes excuses like, "oh she's crying more when I hold her, you're the only one who comforts her" or his body and wrists are too achey. Which he does work labor. But I'm achey too and have carpal tunnel in both wrists yet still carry her around and deal with it. Like I had to deal with a lot of stuff since pregnancy. It's called making sacrifices since I now have a newborn human being in my life, that I created, who entirely depends on me, and should be able to depend on her dad too. But oh well.

I guess if he just doesn't wanna watch her as often as I wish he would, Im just gonna stop being upset about it, and appreciate the fact that now I'll pretty much get to spend all my time with her. And I'll be there for her happy times, and her sad times. The good, the bad, I'll see every expression she makes. Her responses to new things. How she is at night. And day. I'll learn about the things she loves and hates, and know her so well.

I already appreciate every moment I'm with her. I'll just finally appreciate these moments more now that I plan to stop expecting her dad to see her as I do. She's not a job. She's our daughter. A tiny human being with emotions and tears just like us. And her emotions are definitely not a hassle or nuisance. I mean maybe if I'm having a bad day I may get frustrated, but then just thinking about how happy I am that she's in my life can fix that frustration in an instant.

I am so lucky to have her and to be expierencing all this. And I don't wanna miss a thing.

I just hope that if I just don't try to force him to hangout with her, maybe he will see how much fun I have with her, he'll come to his senses and stop thinking of caring for her as a hassle like a job, but enjoyable. These first few months are so special, even if she can't respond so great just yet. And I don't want him to miss it all.

~late night thoughts.