avoiding ridicule Do you ladies think it's materialistic to buy your lo brand name clothes shoes etc so he won't be…

I'm not at all saying that close define anyone. I just remember how school was for me and want to spare my son that. I will still be teaching him work ethic, and about saving for what he wants. I just don't want him to feel the way I felt growing up.

None the less, I appreciate all the opinions and feed back.

Edit clothes

I struggled with whether or not i am going to do this and came to the conclusion that when I heard myself telling my boys "hey go get your Jordan's, Tommys, converse etc" that I needed not to teach my 4 & 5 year olds about brand names so early. I'd like them to not care about that stuff and to not allow that to be what defines them.

I feel like this. They aren't paying my bills and they not God. I don't care what ppl think to much but this is coming from a girl who don't feel I should give my money to someone who doesn't even give back to their communities etc. I just feel like clothes doesn't define the person who wears them.

You could spend the money u would have on designer clothes on a private education. One with uniforms and what not. It all depends on what's most important for you and your family.

Am I the only one who won't buy their son off brand shoes?

For example... My daughter can wear glitter shoes from children's place, my sons have to have Nike,Jordan's, old navy, converse.... No spiderman shoes?

Disclaimer, my dd also gets name brand shoes but she has cutesie off brand shoes as well

How am I setting a bad example by wanting my son to have the same things his peers do? Genuine question.

Kids are mean and not very bright until much later. They don't realize what truly matters. Kids will find anything to pick on anyways and going and buying your kids name brands for that reason isn't setting a good example. I don't even care for name brands and I don't want to raise a little brat who does and feels like they need it and are entitled to such expensive things.

I will buy what is in style. I will also likely buy name brand clothes because they do last longer, at least for my son.

If I have a girl I will buy based on her personality. For myself my shirts are what i call throw away shirts. They are off brand on trend, but not high quality. They only last a season. If i have a daughter that loves clothes that is likely what i will buy her.

I only buy things when the cost wear ratio is appropriate

In my experience the majority of kids do not wear name brands nor do they care about what their peers are wearing. Imo it is not on me to prevent my child from being bullied. It is on parents to teach their kids not to be bullies.

Yup.

Nope i will teach my kids to defend themselves. You only have to kick the crap out of a bully once and that sends a message to the whole school. My cousins all had it easy in school because everyone knew they were my family and i beat the hell out of a bully freshman year.

Brand new? Yes. But when I was a kid I got name brand clothes from Plato's Closet (like Once Upon A child, but for teens), I didn't care if they were used or cheap. I had Abercrombie pants like everyone else. (even if it wasn't my usual brand..if I liked the style I wore it)

My dd isn't in school yet, but I will buy her name brand things when she does start not only because kids are freaking horrible, but because I can afford to buy her nice things. I wouldn't go into debt over it, but I didn't grow up with the "nicest" things and my mom worked so hard to provide everything we did have. I know if she could have afforded it, she would have done it for us. I appreciated everything she did do. So I feel like if I can afford it, why not? I want my dd to grow up with nice things, I don't see anything wrong with that.

My son is very tall. Long legs and skinny. I will buy whatever will fit him. He is only 13 months old and we already have issues with pants. The pants will fit in the length but be too lose in then waist. So if name brands are the ones that fit, then those are the ones we will buy. As for shoes... his feet are huge and grow fast, those I'm not wasting money on! He will have quality shoes that fit, but I'm not buying my 13 month old $50 Nike when he can't walk yet and his feet grow too fast for the shoes to get wear.

Oh gosh. The race stuff again. I don't want to say anything but I will because I actually agree with lgoins for once. I hate when people say something is white. Why tf is it white.

Anyways, yes, I will and do buy my children name brand. For right now it isn't expensive but I'm sure it'll kill me later on.

I guess @ Leigh is the only one that understood my comment. What a way to twist up what someone said! Reading is fundamental. I am Black my damn self! Anyways, enjoy.

I want to teach Isaac that being socially conscious is more important than a label. If he wants a brand that is eco/socially friendly, sure - but I want him to know where his stuff comes from and who made it.

Reading your situation though, OP, I do think mine is a bit different. We are pretty okay for money and it'd be a choice more than a necessity to buy second hand. I also don't think it's fair for me to say "do what I do" because it might not work for some folks. My decision would be hugely influenced if I was teased for my clothing when I was younger.

Do what you feel is right but the best advice I can give is always let your child know they are special bc they are who they are not bc of their clothing...and my guess is you do that so you're doing everything right

@ the baggy pants and big shirts comment...

No. Just no. I grew up in the biggest district in my area, over 900 kids just in my grade about 3,400 in the high school.

There were maybe 9 black kids, 10 Latinos, and 3 middle eastern. That was all the diversity in my school.

All the idot guys wore baggy pants and huge shirts. They actually got together to help stretch each others shirts out!

The kids of other races always dressed awesome.

In all honesty I think more white people dress/act "dirty" then the other races. They just get away with it with less criticism then other races.

Tbh ladies I've struggled and still struggle with my identity. My biological family accepts me as I am but my sister once said " you watch some white movies? Wtf? Does that mean?

I just want to do my best building up my son and helping him to be strong and confident. I don't think clothes and brand names should matter but I experienced it first hand. I don't want him to.

I don't know... I'm completely confused... ? Carry on!

I never went out of my way to buy name brand clothes for the kids. I was a single mum back then and couldn't afford it anyway. I did always make sure they were clean and tidy. My daughter was picked on, not for her clothes but her skin colour. I don't think clothes would have made any difference.

She likes name brands now though.

I took my second oldest to buy a pair of nikes and he said nah. Just wanted $20 sand shoes from Kmart. He has no care at all for name brands. Good, it'll save him money in the long run.

I think it helps here though that schools have uniforms. The only time kids picked on people about clothes was outside of school or at dances etc.

I actually wonder if buying kids name brands sets too much of a precedent. Like kids will constantly pick on someone regarding clothes as long as we feed into it and buy our kids name brands to try to stop them getting picked on.

Maybe the key is to teach our kids to let it roll off their backs and be proud of who they are and where they come from to start making a change in attitudes in the future.

If any of that makes sense ?

Oh?? My comment upset you too?? Why?? Are there not stereotypes? Isn't that the problem, that we stereotype people? Or should I pretend like I'm not aware of any stereotypes? Not sure what the etiquette is I guess...

Maybe I misunderstood then... I didn't read any sarcasm or joke from her.

I buy my son true religion, Ralph Lauren, Jordan, 7 for all man kind, etc. I buy those brands because I like the quality. I never really thought about how he will be judged in school for his clothes. I buy him what I can afford.

@lgoins I'm not sure what I said that was offensive. I'm just talking about what my childhood was like. People said and did some very hurtful things. This post is NOT about race. It's my fault for sharing too much about my childhood.

Lgoins, I think you're misunderstanding her.... But this isn't my fight, I guess.... ?

I personally only by name brand shoes. Like Converse or Vans because he doesn't wear them down as easily as walmart or Target brands. I waited until he was older and his feet stopped growing so fast though. Before that he wore regular store brand shows and we went through a lot of them. As far as clothes. He might have a few things in his closest that might be name brand but most of it is handme downs or stuff we found at yard sales or the goodwill. I loooooove thrift shopping. Haha. But most of what he has is from Walmart and target. I love cheap clothes. He still looks as nice as any other kid in name brand stuff. Imo.

That moment when you want to say something so bad, but can't afford to?

We buy ds name brand shoes. That's all he cares about as far as that goes. I think he deserves nice things.

We don't go overboard with it though, and we make sure he "earns" those things through doing well in school.

I'm a hop skip and a jump from ky holee I'm on my way girl! You can keep that gravy though, I'll bring a couple packets of brown gravy....

Since my sense of humor must be off today?

?? I don't find that funny

Because black ppl aren't educated huh...

Slowly walks back out?

I don't know.... I'm only assuming that's the stereotype she was referring to.

?

You ladies have to remember they were young kids in an all white community. All their perceptions about black people were based on what they saw on TV.

Eta to be honest so were mine. I'd never really been around black people until I met my biological family.

Holee I'm joining you?

What you got to eat

Sooooo... baggy jeans, big shirts, and jewelry=black?

I'm not getting out of character, Lgoins asked so I responded. Just genuine questions and responses.

I'm just asking opinions, I'm not "worrying'.

Fudge, I think they're referring to a stereotype of baggy jeans... Big jewelry... Big shirts.... Maybe??

Fudge??... we're not doing this today

No?

@lgoins, I'm trying to figure out how someone can act or dress like they're Black?

Lgoins simmer down???

Fudge was responding to mhhb comment about what kids would say to her

I remember a user on here posted a pic with a man's foot in it. And someone asked why was the guy's feet so dirty? Well his feet wasn't dirty, it was his skin complexion.

I grew up very poor. I wore tennis shoes from pic-n-save (big lots now) because we couldn't even afford Payless. The majority of my clothes were hand me downs and thrift store finds. I knew from 2nd or 3rd grade that I didn't dress like the other kids and it bothered me. I remember in 5th grade being so proud of a new t shirt and having someone tease me about my "k mart shirt". My husband grew up in a similar situation. We both swore that as long as we were financially capable of doing so, our children would not face that same shame and feeling of being an outsider because of clothing.

So, no. I don't think it's materialistic. I think wanting to protect your children from hurt and having them have better than you is a good thing.

I don't know. I think they had stereotypical views on how I "should' behave. It seems crazy to me as an adult but as a kid it really bothered me.

I grew up in the plains of Colorado in a farm. My brother and I were two if the six black children in our school. I never thought anything if it until people called me black girl or told me to act my color. My mother knew nothing about black hair and until I was taught how to do it myself it wasn't pretty.

Edited

Oh lawddddd

If he's still a baby I think it's more important thing to worry about until that time comes

How do you act or dress black? I guess that would be dressing dirty and acting Ghetto. Hmm.

Someone tell me please...

Middle and high school was traumatizing for me. I was a black girl in adopted by a white family in an all white school. I was socially awkward enough but the ratty clothes and shoes didn't help. I don't think self esteem should be based in clothes and of course I'm going to do all I can so he knows his worth. I just don't want him to be embarrassed of his clothes or shoes, hair etc.

I'm not saying anything about racially blended families but for me it was really confusing. People would say why don't you act or dress black?

@Melvonne, That happened here too! I was sooo happy when they did that. It makes things a lot better. The only thing was the shoes.

I'm in Dallas tx and here preschool, elementary and middle schools wear uniforms so I don't have to really worry about his clothes having to be name brand or stuff like that

I agree with @lgoins.

I think that's why a lot of schools around here have the kids dress in uniform so there is only certain colors they can wear with polo shirts even the girls so it would only be the shoes and I would buy my son more durable shoes even if they have to be brand name he's only 3 now so brand names don't matter ?

@mhbbb, I guess I can't really relate because I have never had this happen to me as a child. I do know that it happens, bullying is something that some children and adults do every single day. Nobody is safe...

In the town (and probably county) kids would be made fun of for wearing the name brands. No one out here buys name brands.

I see a lot of children in my neighborhood dressed in True Religion, Pink (Knock Off), Jordan, Nike, Levi's, etcetera. I was never raised that way.

Lol sorry he's still a baby. I'm mostly talking about once he heads into middle school

@ fudge what if people were making fun of your child because of that? Wouldn't you want to prevent it if you could?

You're not wrong, we're supposed to strive to give our children more than we had. You know what's best for your kids and what your pockets will allow.

When I was growing up we had next to nothing. I was always made fun of because of my shoes and clothes. I didn't get to go in school trips. My room didn't look like others girls my age rooms.

As an adult I'm not materialistic at all. I work my butt off for everything and still never buy brand name clothes or shoes for myself.

That said, I want to spare my son all of that. I still want to teach him the value of hard work and saving but, I want him to have the same things kids his age will have. Is this wrong?

Eta I was afraid to even post this but if r and r is nothing else, it's honest.

Is this a "thing" now? I don't care what anyone says my child will wear what I want her/him to wear. Not what the children, teachers, or parent's want my child to wear. This is what's wrong with today's society. Too focused on what someone else thinks... BYE Felicia?

Edit: op this isn't directed to you. It's for those who actually think that your child should dress the same as their child.

No. I have personally been bullied in school and if my child was being bullied and I could prevent it I absolutely would. Kids will always find a reason to be mean but if it is something I can at least help fix I would.

How old is the child? It makes me sad that this is even a question, but as a teacher, I know it happens. I wouldn't make myself to broke over it, but I try hard to find my son cute clothes that are within our budget. I splurge on cute warm jackets and shoes, but I usually buy jeans at second hand stores. A lot of them even have name brands. eBay is also a good place to find name brand stuff and for little ones it's in pretty good shape since they grow out of it so fast.

Absolutely! Don't do it op! You're setting yourself and your child up for long term issues!

Ugh... I hate it for our children's generation. My friend actually is going through this with her child. She wants Jordan's but doesn't even know the origin of the shoe?

Just say no?

Eta- wait is this a boy or girl?