I'm so torn....what do I do??

I would only do it if I knew for sure it would not impact my children in a negative way. That may sound selfish to some, but my kids come first.

Reality is the mother will know where they are at. That’s her right until/if her rights are terminated. There will be a plan in case place for her to get them back. That plan could take years. Will you be willing to keep them that long and have to hand them back to her? The odds of her and your brother staying together are slim, so you may never see them again if she gets them back. If her rights are terminated are you and your husband to adopt/raise these kids as your own? Do you have plans to have more biological children? How will taking these 2 affect those plans? Financially can you do it? You may get some help from the state but honestly not enough to fully support them. I honestly wouldn’t do it. I’d let the CPS get in touch with their biological family first. Either their mothers or fathers family. I’m speaking from experience and it’s is not an easy situation for your family or the little girls. My heart breaks for them, no child deserves a mother like that. Prayers for all invited loved.

Thanks ladies for all the advice! The caseworker has not contacted me yet today. My husband and I are still torn on what to do but have a list of questions we prepared to ask. I also searched for her family online and found her dad (the little girls grandfather). My mom reached out to him through Facebook and is going to call him on her lunch break. We're hoping they can be given to family, so fingers crossed!

Wow. I'm sorry you are being put in this situation. I feel so bad for those girls that their mom is a pos. But I can't imagine being put in that situation with kids you barely know. Like pp said dont feel like it is your fault if you decide not to take them, that's a big responsibility with your already 5 kids.

Fostering is a very rewarding but stressful thing for a family. My husband and I were foster parents through two very interesting placements that, unfortunately, took major tolls on our kids. In Illinois, bio parents normally are not made aware of exact placement location, just a town/city name, as they are to have limited contact with the children and no contact with the foster parents(in most cases). We had to do monthly meetings with the caseworker, our kids were interviewed monthly by the caseworker to ensure everyone was safe and that everyone felt comfortable in the home, and an aide or the caseworker would transport the children to weekly visits with bio parents. Both cases we had, we ended up having DCFS investigations on our family because one of the foster kids didn’t like the rules. When DCFS investigations like that happen, you risk losing your own children for a period of time if they find grounds to the complaint.

If you already know that the mom is unbalanced and physically violent, you and your husband need to take this into consideration. You will be doing great things for those little girls, but at what cost to your own children?

I know I may be the unpopular opinion here, but as a former foster mom, I would have to know with great certainty that my parents wouldn’t speak about the placement. That being said, if you are close with your parents or your brother, you will be seeing the bio mom quite often, which may create a stressful situation for you, as she may try to convince you to violate visitation rules/regulations by allowing her to see the girls when she isn’t supposed to. Please trust me when I say that being the one responsible for supervising visits is extremely stressful when you have other children. You are to keep a record of how the children respond to her, how she responds to them, any activities they take part in, and as intrusive as it seems, know what topics they discuss. Then you’ll also be responsible for making sure bio mom is asked to leave if she violates the rules or expectations of the visit; meaning you will have to enforce physical removal from meeting place (either forcing her to leave, or taking the children and leaving) if the children are compromised in any way(touched inappropriately, threatened, or promised things mom isn’t allowed to promise). After each of these visits/encounters you will be expected to submit a report for the agency and submit it with your monthly expense report.

I’m sorry if that’s too much info or sounds negative. Trying to let you know what all foster parents are responsible for. Please PM me if you have more questions.

My biggest fear would be when she finds out you have them. If she has meetings at a visitation center obviously you'd have to being the girls I would ask if there's any way someone else could transport them to and from because she's a little crazy. I'm sure the girls will mention it too tho so what consequences will there be when she shows up on your door trying to see the girls?

Reality is the mother will know where they are at. That’s her right until/if her rights are terminated. There will be a plan in case place for her to get them back. That plan could take years. Will you be willing to keep them that long and have to hand them back to her? The odds of her and your brother staying together are slim, so you may never see them again if she gets them back. If her rights are terminated are you and your husband to adopt/raise these kids as your own? Do you have plans to have more biological children? How will taking these 2 affect those plans? Financially can you do it? You may get some help from the state but honestly not enough to fully support them. I honestly wouldn’t do it. I’d let the CPS get in touch with their biological family first. Either their mothers or fathers family. I’m speaking from experience and it’s is not an easy situation for your family or the little girls. My heart breaks for them, no child deserves a mother like that. Prayers for all invited loved.

I would do it. As long as you're not struggling and you can transport 9 people then why not? You're helping those girls when no one else can. Don't doubt yourself!

@landloglillexliv, just don’t feel bad if you decide it’s not for you and your family. It’s y’alls choice to make. Hope you do what you feel is the best choice.

@whoswhoo, that's why I'm struggling so hard with this. I just wish I had a crystal ball showing me what to do 😩

I don’t know. It sounds like too much to handle when you have so many kids, your husband and yourself to take care of. I think it’s best to stay out of it. When she finds out where they’re at, I can see all of this escalating. I just wouldn’t do this to my kids and SO. Your DH works hard to provide for y’all, adding 2 more is just that much more stressful imo.

@dontspankme, exactly what I'm wondering! He admitted while she was in jail that he made a mistake but as soon as she got out he was back up her ass 🙄. I'm hoping he'll come to his senses. They're very codependent on each other. They met at a homeless shelter and him being a recovering heroin addict I think they clung on to each other at a very vulnerable time. They both need to work on themselves, separately. These poor babies don't deserve this though. Hopefully I can offer them some sort of stability

@bsandra, @phoebesmommy, I know, it's so sad 😢. I feel so bad for these little girls. And they are soooo sweet, they just want to be loved and feel safe. I think you're right, I need to at least give it a try 💪. I guess I just needed some reassurance! I would totally regret it if I didn't. Thank u for giving me a confidence boost ladies 😘

Why is your brother still with her? She is crazy! I don’t think the kids are safe with her but does that mean you have to take care of them till they are 18? I would try to see how it works out. They need somebody stable for awhile.

Wow those poor babies💗

I would try it out honestly before just letting them go in the system. We never know what we can handle until we are in a situation and it could be a great way for your children to learn compassion and sacrifice. But I would highly recommend having a strong support group of other foster families

@landloglillexliv, I was in foster care for a long time. Ik they would help you out with transportation in case they have appointments, they have a CASA who represents them as well, she can be very helpful in case you would take them in. Ik it would be stressful at the beginning but you would make a difference in their life if you and your husband could take them. It’s hard being in the system. Just talk to your husband, if it works for both of you or may be give it a try!?!?

@bsandra, they are 3 and 2. I have a 7, 6, 4, almost 3 and two month old

@rowdy-vajazzy, supposedly her family hasn't talked to her in 6 years but I'm not sure of the full story. She seems to lie a lot. Her family is in illinois (we're in Arizona) The dad can't be located I guess. She is allowed visits but it would be at a visiting center monitored by Dcfs. She got a DUI on their way out here. Going 107 down the highway. Picked a fight with the cop and started kicking his car. My parents bailed her out the next day. A week after that she got in a fight with my brother over him going to the gas station for cigarettes and threw a knife at him in front of the kids. She got arrested and that's when they gave my mom temporary placement. She left the kids with them I guess while she went to work and the girl busted the bathroom door in half while my brother was in there because she thought he was masturbating 🙄. She and my brother took off before the cops showed up. They came back to the house today and my dad had the girls. My mom was at work and Dcfs showed up and took the girls.

How old are they?

Is there no other family on her side? This sounds very stressful. Is there a plan for reunification? Would the mom be visiting the kids? Why were they removed? Would you have transportation for 7 kids? Sorry, maybe too many questions. I think fostering is amazing and I know you have the kids best interest at heart, but I think you should think of the impact on your family as well.

@dontspankme, @phoebesmommy, the lady didn't specify how long it will be. They did a 14 day trial with my mom but she violated it by leaving them alone with the mom while she went to work.

It’s really important to think about it impacting every single person in your family too. Why can’t your parents take them in?

I think you doing that would be amazing. Poor girls sucks their mom is a train wreck. How long would they stay with you?

@vcv123112, yes, the lady told me I would be taking on full responsibility. I'm just scared it will completely drain me. Is that selfish? But I love kids and would love to help. My husband says we have no other choice, we have to make sure they're safe. I'm also concerned about this crazy mom showing up here but the caseworker said she doesn't even need to know they're here.

@ek620 this is also true!!

@ek620, I totally get where you're coming from. It wouldn't really interrupt anything currently since its summer break but idk what a longer term situation would look like for my kiddos 😕

@phoebesmommy, that's a good idea, I'll ask the caseworker tomorrow if we can do a trial period. I'd just feel awful though if it didn't work out and they're taken away yet again.

When dcfs assigns the kids to you you pretty much will be responsible for taking kids to doctor , daycare , random visits from dcf and so on... do it only if you can ... but is a lot of responsibility .. my friend went through it ...

I would only do it if I knew for sure it would not impact my children in a negative way. That may sound selfish to some, but my kids come first.

Can you try it out and see how it goes first??

If your husband is okay with it and you have room and thr energy I'd say go for it!