I absolutely was not prepared for terrible twos. My daughter isn’t like other children I have been around, so I don’t have much to compare her actions to. She is a beautiful little girl who we have a lot of fun with, but she’s also throwing huge tantrums, throwing herself on the floor, hitting me, banging her head on the wall when she’s mad, balling her fists up and shaking her whole body, and many more things. I know terrible twos are normal, but I somehow feel like I’m doing something wrong when this happens. I don’t know how to help her anymore, I have tried everything from talking calmly to her to trying to hold her until she’s done but it just makes it worse. Sometimes it is for a reason and other times it is for no reason at all. I’m just unsure what I’m doing wrong as a first time mom of a two year old and it’s so hard to not be able to help her in that moment. I’ve become that Mom, that when we go in public people stare at and probably say to themselves “well she can’t control her child.” And that’s true, I can’t. So we stay home a lot of days instead of going out somewhere because it’s just so hard to do anything and not have a complete meltdown over who knows what.
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If you are concerned do talk to her doctor. Also I wanted to say "controlling your child" isn't the standard for good parenting. If you goal is to " control" you might need to evaluate what you're long term parenting goals are. Just saying.
If your goal is to raise a happy, healthy, responsible child then a different response is needed.
Depending on what cause the meltdown, will dictate the response. Also getting to know what your child needs or wants in a meltdown helps to defuse the crisis. They are melting down for a reason. Even if we don't know why. Sometimes they are tired, or hungry, or bored, or want something. I'm not advocating giving in to every little request but if you know why you can help.
My son has tantrums too. If he is melting down because I said no to something. I just wait, calmly, and if need be keep him safe. I wait. Then when it's calmer I ask him how he feels now, I remind him what he can do when he is mad, or sad. There are a few kids programs that also talk about feelings and what to do. Sometimes my son needs a hug, other times he wants space. It's all about teaching what your long term goal is. Mine is for my child to learn to express himself in a more positive and clear way.
Thank you very much. I actually love the idea of going to the bathroom when she gets out of control. & I will defiantly use the “I can’t hear you when you are that loud” lol thank you very much
When my kids throw tantrums. My daughter the most I tell her I can’t hear her when she acts like that. I ignore her which she hates. She will calm down after a few mins n then I talk to her. Trying to rationalize with an angry toddler is like talking to a wall. It’s just not going to work. I find my kids throw more fits if they are tired or hungry so I avoid going places if I can if I know they haven’t napped or eaten recently. And if anybody every says anything to you about controlling your child ask them if they want to give it a try. The only people who actually think you can’t control your child are people who have never had kids. Us parents a understand that sometimes they are just crazy little monsters. Also if my kids get wild when we are out and about I will take them the the bathroom. I find that if there are little to no people around it’s less distractions and they calm down faster then we go back out and finish whatever we were doing. You are doing a great job. Just know between 2-4 are the trying years. After that it’s pretty much smooth sailing until 10 when they become preteens and it’s like they are two all over again. You are doing wonderful mama. Keep your head up. This too shall pass!!!
Remember to get down on her level, make eye contact, and explain the situation. Have a calm place to take her when she’s throwing a tantrum. For example, when she starts throwing a fit, get down on her level and say, “I know you’re really upset. I can tell because you are hitting and yelling. We do not hit and yell in our family. It’s time to go sit down on your bed and I will talk to you when you stop yelling and crying.” Sit her on her bed and give her time to sort herself out. Worked wonders for my son when he was 2-3. I’d only truly let him come back and talk it out when he was not crying or throwing a fit anymore. He’d come back apologizing for his actions.