Thank you divya and sobaby! ? I feel so much better after reading all the responses I got! I would love to give it a try, I have a few more weeks to make up my mind lol. It really shouldn't be a tough decision like that and maybe I'm making it much more difficult than it should be lol, I just don't want to be stressed out and stress baby out. I will definitely talk to my midwife about it again and hopefully she can refer me to a good lactation consultant and then go from there! Oh and I know now that my son (he's 14) definitely had a lip tie. When he got his braces on a couple of years ago the orthodontist said he will have to have a frenectomy before his braces come off. No one ever mentioned this to me back when he was born (not at the hospital or at the pediatrician) and I was young when I had him so I didn't know any better. But I'll make sure to have them check this time! Thanks again so much girls, I am so grateful for all the support! ?

Breastfeeding is hard. It's really hard. I enjoyed the ease of breastfeeding, I loved the bonding time with my kids, I hated feeling like I was leashed to my kid all the time (I mean come on momma needs a break sometimes) and it started to make me awfully claustrophobic towards the 1 year mark... & I love my little munchies and cuddle them constantly. People say things like 'breastfeeding is easy' they mean it's easy after you have established a routine & healthy latch, which is hard & takes time. People say 'breastfeeding is natural' it is but someone needs to teach you, support you, and not tell you 'baby is hungry, supplement formula' when all baby is upset about is a growth spurt or teething or you've had a slight dip in supply because of hormones and supply will be back up the next day. In short all the sabotaging behaviors that happen from the 'uninformed' and it's not that people are necessarily wrong or don't mean well, breastfeeding has almost become a lost art. Back in day all your female relatives breastfed, they had either been there done that or they were lactating. If you needed a break your sister would feed the baby (a little weird by today's standards but normal then) if you had a breastfeeding issue your mom/cousin/neighbor knew everything about it. When I breastfed my first I took a million classes got Lactation consultants, asked my pediatrician (who is amazing but poo pooed my kids lip tie, my nipple is permanently damaged because of it). Why? because my mom, my aunts, my cousins, my friends hadn't breastfed. My 'natural' built in support system wasn't there. Breastfeeding is hard. Fed is best, sane is best, and if you decide to give a go, or pump exclusively for a little while great... but it's all hard and you have to do what's best for you & for your kids. I'll admit when I read your post I immediately thought lip/tongue tie. It's genetic and if one kid has it your others most likely will, pediatricians for some reason only check for severe ties and even a small one can make or break a breastfeeding relationship. You do you, if you feel guilt about breastfeeding try a different approach this time, see if you can make it work, if you want formula, get formula. Most of us were all formula fed & we are all good. There are so many things about being a parent & teaching your kids (you know this you have older kiddos) formula/breast milk is not going to effect them that much in the long haul. Good luck with your decision I know it's a hard one with all the pressure out there, and good luck with which ever route you choose.

I so understand the dilemma! I was so set on breastfeeding my daughter 4 years ago. Had everything I needed (pump, lactation booster supplies etc) however when she was born my whole experience was very unfortunate. I couldn't breastfeed immediately because they couldn't stable my BP and I kept passing out. Once I did it went ok in the hospital but after 4 days I was completely dry. I tried everything in the books warm shower, oatmeal, gatorade, skin to skin every thing to the point of bleeding nipples and a hungry baby who literally was sucking on my blood! That's when we switched to formula and I didn't look back once. Later I found out it was a side effect of an IVF medication and that made sense! However at least I tried, even if my daughter got the colostrum we tried. We made it to 2 weeks but I never thought of giving up in that 2 weeks and when I finally did I knew I had done everything.

Sure felt like a failure for a few weeks, cried my eyes out etc but the point is we tried.

This time I'm going in with less pressure; I'm definitely going to try again. Give it my 100% and enjoy the time with my baby and if it works great if not hey we tried again.

I had a lot of issues with nursing on my left because that nipple is a little flat- his latch took forever to get correct on that side, and I got a horrible crack- it was so painful and it kept scabbing to heal- but it would open when my son nursed and then it would get stuck on my nursing bras- it was an awful first 4 weeks- I finally found some good articles on kellymom.com about how to heal (I would start nursing on the right, so he'd be less eager for milk when he started on the left- and I went topless at home for a couple of days- expressed breast milk on the nipple after nursing to help heal) and after a couple of days- it was healed enough that I wasn't in massive pain at each feeding. Once I got past 5 weeks, he was latching better, and we made it through to 17 months bfing. I probably could have used a nipple shield to help with the latch on that side, but my mom and mil used formula- so I had no support from experienced mothers. Also I was the first of all my friends to have a baby ? If you want to try and see what happens- go for it! But don't feel guilty if you think formula is best for you! A fed baby and a happy mama are what's important!!!! Best of luck to you!

Wow, thank you mamas! ? I truly appreciate all the responses, support and great advice! I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not the only one with this issue and he will be ok either way, formula or breastmilk. I will definitely talk to my midwife about seeing a lactation consultant.

You could always pump and just give them your breast milk in a bottle! At least that way you are giving them breast milk but not the pain of feeding them from your breast. Just an idea. I'm so sorry you had the worst experience with breast feeding, just know you aren't alone!

It sounds like you are traumatized from the experience. Poor thing. Don't be hard on yourself. At least you tried. With my first I gave up after a week or two cause I didn't know what the hell to expect and had zero support. With my second I was determined to do it no matter what. It hurt like hell the first two weeks, I literally sweat for the first 5 mins of each session and gritted my teeth. But then all of a sudden it was good. And easy to not have to worry about clean up. Regardless of what you decide be at peace with your decision and don't feel guilty for not nursing.

The best advice I have to offer is to examine how you feel outside of what other people might say or think. A good lactation consultant might be able to help you have a totally different experience if breastfeeding is important to you. But formula is equally valid.

It's just totally up to you. If you feel breastfeeding has a negative impact on your time with your newborn.. I would formula feed!

I read your post and even tho I've never had the opportunity to BF I'd like to give you some words of encouragement and just say that I agree with others when it genuinely sounds like you're willing to at least try. With that said: try it out lady. See if this time around the experience is different for you. At least you'll have the satisfaction of trying. Whatever you decide you shouldn't feel bad about your decision instead accept that you made the decision based on your experiences and it's justified for your own sake and no one else's. Best wishes ?

It sounds like you want to try. So try. Request a lactation consultant to help you with a proper latch. And if you decide to switch to formula don't beat yourself up.

I'm going on my 4th child. I breastfed # 1 & 2 (not as long) and number 3 until about 14 months. I had a very hard time (cracking, mastitis, latching issues...) but I found using a good nipple cream, nipple shield (didn't need to use with my third though) helped a lot. Don't let yourself feel down if it don't work for you. I was never able to pump though - never got enough. I found my third go much easier for me. Best of luck.

I had planned on BFing but because amelia came early that hasn't been an option. So I've been pumping around the clock. It's not easy and I can't say how it compares to BFing but if you're interested I have found a lot of support on a fb group called exclusively pumping. They are all mom's like me that for one reason or another couldn't or chose not to BF. I haven't had any of the issues that others seem to have when BFing. Sure my nipples are a little dry but no cracks, no bleeding, etc. Also I haven't experienced that engorgment that many people talk about. And I still feel accomplished even though what I pump is given to her in her feeding tube and eventually in a bottle. I'm of the opinion fed is best and that formula or BFing is a personal choice. There's no right or wrong. But I think if you're weighing your options then I think you really should consider exclusively pumping.

I think that if you really want to bf, then you need to have support and resources. I've joined Facebook groups about pumping and feeding. I have a couple of books I'm going to read while on leave. I have my old Lactation consultant's info ready to go. However, if you feel that formula feeding is the way to go, then by all means, make sure you're prepared for that as well. Happy mom and fed baby are all that really matters. And I agree with pp to look at latch and tongue/lip ties if you plan to bf again this time. I wish I had done it.

Kattanner- your story sounds similar to mine. I had support from SO but my parents were clueless. I didn't know it would hurt so much. This time I am reading up on everything I can.

Thank you girls! ❤️

I had a rough time breastfeeding my first, I only did it for about a week because I was struggling and had 0 support. I was also a happy formula feeding mommy. This time I plan (and am more prepared) to breastfeed. But if it doesn't work out I'm not going to let it haunt me. I'll probably spend the next few months exclusively pumping so the baby gets breast milk so I don't feel like I gave up as easily as I did with my son. And if it comes down to it I'll be a happy formula feeding mom for the second time.

If you are unsure about breastfeeding the option to pump & give the breast milk to the baby from a bottle is there. Your hospital should give you access to a lactation consultant & previously your kids may not have latched properly causing your discomfort. Also if you receive WIC they will also provide additional support if you decide to try breastfeeding. Also request the hospital check for a tongue tie, my youngest had a severe tongue tie & because of that I had all the same issues breastfeeding that you experienced. My son had his tongue clipped @ 18months because it wasn't discovered until then. The hospital is aware of the tongue tie & will be checking the baby after she's born. I hope this helps you some

I do not plan on breastfeeding this time around as I had a similar issue the first time around as you. Personally, I feel you need to be happy and comfortable in order to the best mom you can for your new baby and that means choosing what works for you. My first was formula fed and is/was thriving from the very beginning and has continued to meet physical and emotional milestones ahead of schedule. I am confident enough in my decision that I won't let anyone's negative comments or opinions make me feel otherwise or feel guilty. Do what is best for both you and the baby !

Thank you all for the great advice and responses! I will do some more thinking and hopefully figure out what's best for baby, me and my family. You girls are awesome! Thank you ?

If you don't feel confident to breastfeed then maybe pumping and bottle feeding would be the way to go. That way bub gets the benefit of breastmilk but you get to keep your sanity.

Might not be a perfect solution but it is definitely an option. Good luck with whatever you decide ?

I ebf my last two babies and it was a nightmare for the whole year. I got over the pain of it and everything but I got mastitis all the time! My kids constantly ate. I hardly ever got anytime to myself to eat or shower or anything really. I did enjoy the connection but with this being my fifth baby. I've decided to formula feed so that i can be there for my other children. I'm a firm believer in parenting your own way. I don't think there's ever a reason to feel guilty for doing what works best for you! Good luck!

The important thing is that baby is fed.

I am all for breastfeeding and successfully fed my daughter for over 18 months but if I had had the start you did I know for sure I would have stopped. If you want to try it again then great but stop putting all this pressure on yourself. Last thing you or baby need is you being stressed out. Enjoy your baby and do what is right for you.

I would also just like to add that your bad experiences were a long time ago so it doesn't necessarily mean that history would repeat itself.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Will you regret not trying? If so, try it again. Talk to your doctor and ask for a lactation specialist ahead of time. If you won't regret it, then go straight to formula. What's best for baby is being fed. Period. A healthy mama means a healthy baby. I did not have a great time bf-ing #1. I had a low supply, latch issues, and zero support plus, I was young and naive and I refused to supplement. That was 8.5 years ago. This time, I'm going to try again and fight for it if I have to BUT I will remain open to supplementing/formula feeding. The right answer is what's right for YOU and your family.

It sounds like you just didn't have the right support system last time. Get a good lactation consultant right away. Get him checked for lip tie and tongue ties! That very well could have been the problem with the other 2. It shouldn't hurt to breastfeed(other than the first couple weeks of slight discomfort). So there's usually a reason behind the soreness! Ties are almost always that reason. Most peds will say it's a "trend" and they aren't certified to look for ties. Most oral surgeons are though. It's a very quick easy laser procedure that will make all the difference! Good luck!

I think it's totally up to you. This is baby 4 for me and I have 7 years since I BF. Each of my three nursed for different amounts of time. We are a crazy on the go family and I am super nervous. I have a friend that is a lactation consultant who I have already been talking to. Find someone in your area, and talk with them and let them support you through it, if you decide too. You could always pump exclusively. Or go go straight to formula. I was a formula fed baby, as my mom never got milk. I was one of the healthiest kids (adults) I know!