I'm falling apart

I feel you ladies are the only ones I can tell how I feel. I miscarried in January and I got pregnant and I been bleeding on and off since yesterday no clots and a lot of brown blood or discharge. And some cramping. Only thing I can think it's happening is I'm looking my baby again. And idk i just feel devastated idk how to keep it together anymore. I ask God why. Why does he keep taking my babies. I try to stay strong for my 3 year old but it's so hard my husband being in Canada with army and me bein in New Mexico. I want to stay strong and be positive but I can't.