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I've actually struggled with my sons meltdowns/tantrums and I finally came to a spot where I know how to maintain them with him.
At first I would get so upset and raise my voice
I tried ignoring them
I tried firmly talking to him and letting him know he wasn't being good
All of it didn't work, I came across an article that basically explained they act out when they feel a disconnect from us and they actually can't handle it themselves. You know when we get so worked up and we practically black out but are still there? We don't want to feel like that. That's kinda where they are.
I stay as patient as possible now and try and talk through things with my son. If he needs more than that I tell him to breathe with me and he does. Then we give hugs and talk. I never stand above him ever. And I try to let him know he's not a bad boy, but he's doing something bad. But he's still a good boy, just doing a bad thing. And lately his tantrums have been absolutely amazing, like handling them. Or if it's really bad, I'll give a positive reinforcement, like if he really want to play with something but it's nap time. I make deals, "if you take a nap, we can play with Legos and have a snack when you wake up, deal?" And he likes that. It's a win win for both of us. He naps and get his healthy snack, which makes me happy. And he gets to play with Legos after that (:
I ignore tantrums. I'm not going to entertain that. And whatever they want that they are throwing a tantrum over, they don't get. Once they calm down I explain that we don't throw tantrums and the consequence is that they don't get what they want.
On the rare occurrence that the tantrum lasts a long time, they get sent to their room. 90% of the time it's because they are tired and they end up falling asleep in their bed.
She sounds similar to my 3.5 year old lately. Except when we took her stuff away she said, "thank you for taking x, y, and z away" even though those were things I know she cares about. She didn't get them back until the next day. She has massive fits too. Screaming at the top of her lungs, throwing herself down, etc. Parenting a threenager isn't easy!
My daughter is just extremely strong willed and she doesn't accept the answer no for anything. She knows that no means no and that I won't give in. I do my best explaining to her why the answer is no (because I hated when my parents said ""because I said so"). Nothing works, she just throws the biggest tantrums no matter what the consequence. She also refuses to do anything she doesn't want to do. No convincing her otherwise - punishments don't matter. Today she lost all her toys that she left on the floor because she wouldn't clean up. They are in a box in the top of my closet and these are her favorites (including her stuffed animal she sleeps with every night). I told her she could earn them back through good behavior. She threw a fit but is now acting better. We'll see if this works.
I give her a choice. She can stay out in the living room, in mama's room, the kitchen, etc. (wherever it is we're at) or she can go to her room and cry.
If we're out somewhere I ask her if we came to have fun or if we came to cry because if we came to cry, then it's just time to go home.
Typically she'll stop crying. I'll help her take a few deep breaths and ask her to put on her happy face and we'll continue playing or whatever it is we were doing.
Sometimes she won't stop and she'll walk to her room to cry and come out a couple minutes later saying, "look, I'm not crying anymore!" Lol.
It also depends on her environment; if I know she's overwhelmed, I give her a lot more leeway in helping her express her little feelings. If I know she's hungry or tired or sad for some reason, she also gets more leeway in those situations as well.
She knows how she's expected to behave and she usually does very well. Sometimes she's just having an off day and that's okay, too.
If we're in public and she's just throwing a fit left and right, I'll just sit down and wait or stand near her and wait. People will walk by looking at the crazy kid crying and it used to really bother me, as if I had to keep her from crying in public at all costs lol now, I'm like "what? have you guys never see a kid cry before?" Haha then she'll get tired of crying and ask for hugs and then we continue our day
I take him to his bedroom to calm down and throw himself around in a safe space. I tell him ill be back when he is calmer, leave him for 2/3 minutes and when I come back he is quietly waiting for me. I ask him if he feels better, give him a hug and we carry on with our day.
I started doing this since I got pregnant because he is very strong and kicks out when he gets mad, before the pregnancy I would stay close by and offer a hug. When he had calmed down enough he would come for a cuddle and the world would be right again ?
I won't punish him for being upset, frustrated or angry. He's a human being not a puppet, love him.
If she's is throwing a fit we (Dh or I ) put her on the couch and make her sit, or in her room. She can come get snuggles when she has calmed down. Then we explain For example : we can't jump on mommy's belly. You can sit on mommy, but not jump on me. Whatever the issue was that she got upset about, we explain it too her. She's 2.5 it works for us.
DS2 hasn't entered the tantrum stage yet. With DS1 , he was the " I'm not a baby anymore" kind of kid, so when he would throw a tantrum we would embarrass him by picking him up like a baby, did all the silly baby talk. He hated it, and learned that if he wanted to be treated like a big boy, he had to act like it. Worked like a charm, but who knows if it will work with ds2.
Would you ignore your significant other if they were mad? No your wouldn't. So no it's not okay to do it to a child. Your child isn't giving you a hard time they are HAVING A HARD TIME. Kids don't know how to deal with big emotions, so how about teaching them instead of ignoring them?
For us it depends why she's throwing a tantrum.
If she is just doing it because I've said no to something I have her sit for a few mins to calm down. Once she has calmed down we have a chat on why we do not need to throw tantrums.
If she is throwing a tantrum because she is clearly tired/ overwhelmed with emotion etc, I give her cuddles until she feels better, and then she usually tells me why she's upset.
Since I've started doing this, a couple months ago I have to say she's had maybe a handful of tantrums. Before she was having them constantly.
I know there's a user on here (yaya) that is really helpful when it comes to child development and behaviour, she always has very good advise :)
Edit: dd' tantrums are more of just uncontrollable crying and throws herself on the floor, not really hitting etc.
We do time ins. He has a bunch of blankets and pillows that he goes and sits/lays on while he thinks about his behavior and gathers his thoughts. He is allowed to interact with us quietly and politely while he sits, but if he continues to have attitude, he has to be quiet until he can speak pleasantly. 9 times out of 10, he will come back to us and apologize or explain his behavior. It has helped significantly reduce the level of frustration for all of us. I tend to yell when I get frustrated and this time in gives me time to control my temper as well so I don't yell or speak harshly, so it's helpful for both of us.
There are also times when his behavior continues or the tantrum is so out of control that he goes to his room and stays in there until he can come out and apologize and tell us why he was sent to his room. That doesn't happen too often, thank goodness.
My third born chucked some major wobblies when he was 3-4.
I remember putting him in his room to calm down after one particular tantrum. He wasn't listening and calming when I got down to speak to him so the bedroom it was.
I shut the door, told him he could come out when he had calmed down and continued what I was doing. The noises were shocking. Screaming and banging ?
My older 2 didn't help with their giggling from the couch ?
After 30 minutes or so he came out, little head down and apologised. We had a chat and he cried because he had literally tore through his room. Books and toys destroyed, sheets and doona ripped off his bed etc. it was a mess ?
He asked for help to clean but I told him he had to do it. Left him cleaning for 5 minutes and went to help.
He never did chuck another tantrum like that again. He also didn't get his toys replaced.
Timeouts and talking at their level all generally worked with the kids.
Not sure that'll work with Aliyn but time shall tell I guess lol
@rippedxxmommy... Temper tantrums are generally an attention-seeking behavior. If a child is getting rewarded for the negative behavior with hugs/cuddles, then they're learning that the negative behavior gets them what they want. In my post, I mentioned that I ignore the tantrum until they're ready. Ready to talk or ready for cuddles. A child cannot reason while in the middle of a tantrum anyways. The ability for them to calm themselves/self-regulate is actually a very important part of their emotional development. I never meant that I completely ignore the entire situation.