School advice - DS My son is 8 and in 3rd grade. He has always struggled and he's in programs at school to help him,…

We had a talk at dinner tonight and talked about the importance of bringing home good grades and we implemented a rewards system, he's really excited now so hopefully he buckles down. I know he struggles so I don't want to be hard on him... I want him to do well and feel great about doing it. Not just resenting school.

I've been very involved with all of his teachers since kindergarten. He was sick all the time as a baby and toddler so it delayed his learning. He has tested into all sorts of different programs at school but has not testes positive for ADD or ADHD. He is also in an early intervention program so I meet with his teachers, specialists, and principle every quarter. It just hasn't happened this year yet since school just started this month.

It is not unusual for a third grader at the beginning of the year to do this. Because it is the first year of grades this way, most don't understand the importance or even what it means. I would certainly encourage you to meet with the teacher and talk about concerns.

Ask the teacher if she can have him highlight the directions (or she can do it) and then have him read it out loud prior to starting. I've done this with some of my students that needed it and it truly did help them slow down and focus on what the directions are (I teach third grade).

Has he been tested for a learning disability. I only ask because my dd use to do the something. We found out she is really good in reading but really bad at math. So she would rush through it because it was her way to cope.

Punishments won't work. Children need encouragement and positive reinforcement. Set up a reward system for his effort, not the grade. If he takes his time and follows directions he gets a prize. I have a treasure box filled with dollar store goodies that works great. You can also add rewards like "TV time" or "game time" that he can earn and accumulate for the weekend.

Oh man. Isn't it so frustrating! I was so good in school and it breaks my heart that my daughter struggles so much. I hate it! We're only a few weeks in and I've had several chats with her teacher. I don't punish her for her bad days unless she tries to lie to me about it. I do, however, reward her good days with a happy meal or ice cream cone. I've actually just discovered a Brain Balance center for children with ADD, ADHD, or other learning disabilities such as dyslexia. Maybe you can look up if they have one near you. It's a drug free approach.

The bad grades are random, as are the good grades. He'll bring home an A on one math worksheet and a F on the next. Same with reading/writing. It's usually because he didn't read all of the directions, like for example, on one he had to write some sentences. The first direction was "use proper punctuation", the second was to capitalize all states, cities and street names. He put the periods and commas in the right places, capitalized the first letter of the sentences, but didn't capitalize the states, cities, and street names. I asked him why and he said "oh, I didn't see that part".

Most of the notes the teacher writes on the paper are "Tyler, follow directions" or "Tyler, slow down and pay attention."

I haven't talked with the teacher yet because we've only had three weeks of school so far and at first I thought he just needed to get back into the swing of things after summer... But I think I'll email her and to determine what she is observing.

Instead of punishing him for the bad grades, which could just cause more school resentment and anxiety, why not reward him for good grades???

This should include both short term goals/rewards (weekly progress reports) and long term goals/grades, like something really special if he can raise every single grade by the next report card.

This can give him a whole new outlook on school and make it fun.

I did this with my son last year and he has improved a TON!

My brother did this. He got a 50% on a math test...why? He only did the front side. He was so worried about finishing first that he didn't even turn the dang test over!!!

My advice- encourage him to take his time. On his papers have him write double check work/turn over page. The teacher even asked my brother if he didn't think it was odd he finished so much earlier compared to his classmates.

Also, and I'm not a fan of suggesting this and I don't often due to I think several children are misdiagnosed, but have you considered testing him for add/ADHD? They found out my brother was and he could not concentrate which was why his grades were scattered. Medication isn't always necessary either. His teacher has to accommodate him if he is diagnosed and simple ways such as stress balls for him to fidget with or Velcro glued to the under part of his desk for him to fidget with to help him concentrate

I have this same issue with my 9 year old. He doesn't pay attention then takes longer to do his work.

Maybe start by finding his weaknesses. For homework do those first. Then do the easy stuff. Put what he needs to study for last. Then after he has eaten dinner and has a bath/shower. Do the studying. Keep it aside till morning, (especially if it's something easy that you know he understands but is just not paying attention, such as spelling words, times tables, etc) and go over them with him again.

I do this for my son and if he comes home with an F we go over the whole test (usually on weekends) and pinpoint why he failed. It doesn't work for everything but it does help.

Are the lower grades in just one subject? Where does he do his homework?

Maybe a tutor?