Unappreciative child! I need advice. My 8 year old is so unappreciative and selfish and it just…

I don't buy him things except for birthdays and Christmas. He does chores, he earns privileges and gets them them taken away when punished. I ground him, etc. I just don't know what to do here. Sometimes I just want to take away every belonging he owns so he realizes how to be appreciative!

So, can you give examples of what exactly you mean by selfish?

I changed it to unappreciative because that's probably a better word.

He's just not grateful for anything. An example: he had his birthday party this weekend and today when my SIL was over, he picked up the toy she got him and said "why did you even get this for me??" because he didn't like it. I tried to talk to him about it tonight, explain to him that it was the wrong thing to say and that it hurt her feelings and he didn't even seem to care. It wasn't until I told him he was grounded from TV and games for the rest of the night, that he started crying and having this huge sob fest.

He should feel bad for what he did! Not because he is being punished.

Take everything away. If it's not clothes or shoes take it away. He doesn't NEED toys. And by the way he's acting doesn't deserve them either. And make him write a paper on why it's important to appreciate things and what those things mean to him.

I wasn't here. I had to go into my office (I normally work from home) so my mom told me about it when I got home.

Is that the only time he has made a comment like that or does he make comments like that often?

When I am present when something like this happens, I always address it immediately.

My DH can be a very selfish person too so I'm sure this is where he gets it from. It's just hard for me because I'm totally not this way. My brain doesn't even think the way theirs does so I'm having a hard time explaining it in a way he understands.

I wouldn't say he makes comments like that often because it's only on birthdays and Christmas that he even gets presets. However, that ungrateful attitude is always prevalent. Like if someone does something nice for him, he's never appreciative. When someone says something nice to him, he rolls his eyes or just shrugs it off like it doesn't even matter to him. He would NEVER think to do something nice for someone else unless it meant he would get something in return.

My SD just turned 9 and she is the same way. She's an only child (for 2 more weeks) but she is very self involved and says things sometimes that are very rude. My husband has a really brash sense of humor and her mom is just a total b**** so I know where it comes from, but when she does that I correct her and she seems to not realize that it was rude. I think a lot of kids at that age are self involved and you just have to be on their butt 24/7 to make sure they have manners. It was a lot for me to get used to at first and I used to take it very personally but I'm learning to come around and take it as a teaching experience instead of a personal attack. Sorry you're going through that, it's hard. But also, one thing that has helped us, is my husband used to buy her toys for no reason all the time and I put an end to that. Special behavior and events are grounds for a treat, not just because it's Friday and she's seemed to appreciate things more. Sorry I'm not much help, but that's about all I have!

Thank you all! I just feel like such a failure. He's such a sweet boy other than that. He's SUCH a great big brother, it's just this one thing but it's sooooo important to me. He needs to realize he is so fortunate in life and appreciate that!

My son at the same age (he is almost 10 now) would say whatever came to his mind, not about gifts but other things where I would just cringe as soon as he said it and then correct him, its like they have no filter but now he is more aware of what he says.

Maybe if he doesn't like the gifts make him give them away, if he can't appreciate them tell him another child will.

Make him write an apology letter to your sister if he hurt her feelings so he is accountable for his actions.

Good luck, preteens are not fun and I'm not looking forward to the teens either

If the consequences are not having the desired effect I would say make it more severe. You said you took his tv away for the rest of the night. Honestly, that is what a couple hours? Next time no tv for the rest of the week!

Have you thought of taking him to volunteer at a homeless shelter or something? Maybe once he sees people who have absolutely nothing, will he start to appreciate everything he has.

We have volunteered but definitely not as much as I'd like. A few years ago, we went and passed out free turkeys and stuffing to families in need a few days before thanksgiving and we've given out gifts to needy kids in the community. The tears on these peoples faces for something a simple as a turkey had such a profound impact on me, but I think he was too young.

Every year we also "adopt" a family in need and purchase them all Christmas gifts. I always let him help me pick out the gifts for the kids and he gets so excited, but again, I still don't feel like it's enough.

It might be worth it to take him again now that he's 8 and can comprehend more.