Aunt and Grandma can definitely give their opinions but you are the mom and they should be respecting your wishes.

Nancy, I agree. I love that they want her to succeed, but it was no thanks to them. Since she was born I've read to her every day. And now that she can read I have her read to me and her brother. They are all about her reading chapter books yet when she had her books in a bag from school that were required for her to read she would come home from their house and she didn't read them.

Yeah my ex still lives with his parents, his dad is the only one who seems to know his place. We have a custody agreement established since dd was 9 months old. I have full physical and we share joint legal, visitation as we mutually agree. Though I really don't agree because he only takes her when the weather is crappy and he can't ride his motorcycle. ? he has awesome priorities... as you can tell.

Does your ex live with his mom?

If you share custody with your ex that's one thing but legally unless you've set up grandparents rights you have rights when it comes to her being over at grandma's if you don't want her there.

Is there a custody agreement? Here's the thing: she's grandma. She doesn't have to like what you chose for your child, she doesn't get to decide she knows better and do differently. She's not the parent. Sounds like dad lets her be and the line needs to be drawn. It doesn't matter if she's 12 and taking a bath versus shower. If mom says that's what needs to happen, grandma needs to respect that.

As far as the aunt- she has no right to set goals for your daughter. If she wants to buy her books and read with her when she has time with her- fine. She has no say in the educational steps your daughter should take.

I'd have a hard time with people who stepped away for for years, then thought the could come in and tell me what to do better.

Also, I do resent them, very much so. They abandoned my daughter and she was old enough to realize it. She would cry for hours at a time saying she missed grandma and daddy. It took a year for her to stop doing this. I contacted his mom for a year and a half and she said her phone was messed up when she called me 2 1/2 years later. It wasn't until I ran into my daughters aunt at the grocery store that she said I needed to let her mom see dd again. At that point I told her no cause she had no legal rights to her and I wasn't going to let her break my dd's heart again. Then last year her dad contacted me out of the blue. I resent them all because we were doing just fine without them after 4 years and then they come in and try to overstep boundaries.

Queen- no she didn't ask at all, I sent dd over with shampoo, conditioner and body wash for her father to bathe her, and grandma ended up showering her. The shower thing ticks me off so bad because my daughter told grandma she doesn't take showers and she doesn't like them. Dd has a serious fear of water in her eyes and I've been trying to work on it but forcing her to shower wasn't the right way to go about it.

I think this boils down to communication and possibly some resentment about them being absent from her life for so long. I don't think anything they did was over the top.

My oldest also just finished kindergarten and he has chapter books on his summer reading list from school. He's expected to read 3 of them and write a book report on his favorite as his summer assignment. You extrapolating that your Aunt had no friends bc she read all the time and focused on education AND that your dd will have no social life if she reads chapter books over the summer is YOU putting your own issues into it. Learning to be a better reader over the summer won't stunt her emotional growth or her social skills. Regarding the shower, if your dd was overwhelming upset about it, have a conversation with them about it. Showers are 6 are pretty standard in my social circle but everyone is different. My older 2 kids (age 4 and 5) shower by themselves and I just come in to check when they're done that they've got it right. Another pp said it, it's about being self sufficient. If your dd isn't ready for that or has skin issues like you mentioned that's a convo you all should be able to have calmly and rationally. I also don't see an issue with the iron as my oldest 2 kids have been helping with cooking, ironing and other chores for quite awhile. If they're properly supervised and taught well it shouldn't be an issue. 6 year olds know irons are hot, it's not like she's 2 and she'll try to touch the hot part on purpose to see how hot it is. When my kids get to do chores like that they feel so proud of themselves. She ironed a scarf, it's not like she worked in a sweat shop for 12 hours. I bet she was proud of herself for doing something so "grown up."

Talk to them, calmly. Let go of your resentment about those early years when you have the convo. You just have different approaches but it's not like theirs are outlandishly wrong or intentionally trying to hurt her. Adults in a family will often have different ways of doing things, you just have to communicate better.

Speak to them both and let your ex MIL know that no showers and ironing are allowed right now. If she has a problem with that well that's just to bad your DD is not her child. As for the SIL pay her no mind let your DD read as much as she wants during the summer.

Llama llama is a great series! I've picked up a bunch of those books along the way. Great for that age level! I hope you can figure something out. You shouldn't have to be co-parenting with his mother. That's ridiculous.

Atw- I totally agree, she should be reading a book a day. I'm thrilled that I have such a smart child, and want her to succeed. I just think chapter books by the end of the summer is kind of pushing it for her. Right now she is reading Llama llama. And she does well with them, but she has moments where she gets frustrated over a word because it's too hard for her. I just don't want to push her into not wanting to read.

I call quite frequently but I guess I'll have to call even more now. He is a hard person to co parent with and half the time she isn't even with him, it's his mother that's with her.

Just in case it came off like it- I'm not advocating forcing kids to read. But I definitely wouldn't hold her back from making progress by reading every day for a comfortable amount of time. (I was a book worm as a child and perfectly happy with that).

A few of my friends have to co-parent with douche bags. It sucks for them. There is only so much you can do when your daughter is with them if he's not willing to step in and make sure your daughter is happy and comfortable. If he won't speak to his family and make sure she's ok then there is only so much you're going to be able to do given that you aren't there to speak up for her.

The best course of action might be to teach your daughter to stick up for herself in what she wants to do and for her own safety. (Obviously walking a fine line that she may start to become defiant in the process of sticking up for herself). Otherwise you'll be waiting for the douche bag to step up as a parent and you're probably going to be waiting a long time for that. You can also try calling regularly while she's there if you don't already to check in and make sure she's comfortable and they aren't putting her in harm's way.

Nothing you said was overstepping. My daughter has helped cook, with me right beside her of course...but they're probably trying to make memories. I get you may be bitter that they were absent so long but nothing you said sounds like it puts her in danger or threatens her well being so give her a chance with her family.

I don't think forcing a child to read is good by any standards and your daughters aunt is only going to make her resent reading. She should be encouraging instead of forcing. Some chapter books your girl may love reading. My daughter loved reading the enid blyton wishing chair and faraway tree books. She'd read a chapter each night and more if I let her lol. I got the bigger books with big bright pictures also and have gotten another set now for my youngest girl, I confess I've read them again a few times of late too lol. My 2 boys hated reading though, they only read when necessary. My otherhalf is the same, strange.

My daughter was upset about taking a shower, I don't understand the big deal about her taking a bath. She has a thing about water in her eyes and she wasn't happy about it.

From what my daughter told me grandma let her iron on her own. Which I don't think is ok what so ever. Every time I try to voice my concerns my ex gets all defensive so I guess I'll have to talk to his mom about it.

I want my daughter to excel, she is very smart. She is not at a chapter book level though. We read books every day, so it's not about the books. It's the fact that her aunt says she wants her to be reading chapter books by start of first grade. I don't feel as if she needs to be forced to be at that level in the next 2 months.

She is over there about 2-3 times a week, depending on when her dad decides he isn't too busy. They aren't bathing her daily. Her grandmother is telling me I need to bathe her daily.

The ironing thing seems completely unsafe and ridiculous. But maybe there's more to the story?

As a literacy professor if she's capable there's no reason to stop her from progressing with reading. If they are chaining her to a book 8 hours a day to make it so she's reading chapter books by the end of summer- yes that's a problem. But reading more won't hurt her. There are many simple chapter books that young kids can read. Especially if she's already a strong reader it wouldn't be terrible to keep moving. (As long as she's understanding and can talk about what she's reading. Otherwise it might be getting too hard).

The shower thing you're probably going to have to suck it up. If they won't let her take a bath then a shower it is. I don't know that it's worth an argument over unless your daughter is upset at having to take showers.

Agree with pp...did they really let her iron alone or was it something like grandma stood behind her and put hands on hers because she wanted to try?

I especially agree with the reading...if she's a great reader, why not introduce her to chapter books...? It won't hurt her unless they are forcing her to complete by a certain time or it's a certain book that doesn't mesh with your beliefs.

Sorry you're going through this, it can be conflicting.

The ironing would piss me off, she is too young. The showers wouldn't bother me, if she is at her father's or his parents she does have to learn that their rules in the house is the way to go. get some moisturising body wash/soap and body moisturiser for her while there and pack her a toiletry bag. The books I'd leave be also. Again, their house, their rules. Doesn't mean you have to do it at home. I'd only put my foot down if they were making demands that she had to have such and such a book read by such and such a time etc. So basically forcing it to happen at your house also.

None of this stuff seems like a huge deal to me, but if it bothers you all you need to do is speak up. You're her mother if you don't want her reading and taking showers then put your foot down. She must be spending a lot of time there if she's taking daily showers

The hot iron would bother me but maybe just maybe her grandma was right there holding the iron and your daughter was "helping"?

I want to believe they have good intentions but I don't know them. Have you talked to them about your concerns?

How much time does she have to spend with them?

Uh I won't be grateful that they allowed my 6 year old to use an iron, or for that the time they were around they stepped on my toes undermining me as a parent.

Sounds like they have good intentions and wanna help raise a very smart, self sufficient, independent gal. Be grateful.

I want to say something to his mom, but there is so much resentment there I don't think I would be nice about it. Technically cause he was paying child support (collected from his check by the state weekly) it wasn't abandonment.

After 6 months of no contact it's considered abandonment right?? This happened to my brother in law. His ex tried to file abandonment and he had papers showing he did try to see her. But his mom didn't have anything and she is not allowed to see her. I wouldn't have let them back in either after 4 years. But if your lawyer said that I believe you. Different states different laws. Put your foot down with them. It's your child not theirs.

Pp, unfortunately I was advised by a lawyer that if I didn't I could get in trouble by the courts because we had custody established when she was 9 months old or else I wouldn't.

No, you are not wrong at all. I would not have let them back after 4yrs

She reads everyday. She is doing very well with the llama llama books, I just think wanting chapter books down by the time she starts first grade is pushing it too much. She is only 6. The iron thing is very dangerous and I've said something to her dad who hasn't responded to me, I'm sure he doesn't want to hear it cause in his eyes his mom knows all.

I think it would be beneficial for her to read over the summer, not necessarily chapter books, but she should be reading. However, it's totally unnecessary for a little girl to shower every day. I'd be pissed about the iron. That's just dangerous. She's your daughter, do what you think is best & speak up if you see something happening that you don't agree with.