❤️ thank you everyone for your responses. I'm taking everything into thought. I didn't mean to offend anyone and I apologize for doing that. When I stated the feed went crazy it's because it looked to me like people were getting angry but maybe I read that wrong. I'm trying to be a good mother and make good decisions. I have so much to learn and I'm seeking wisdom in how to raise a teen.

I've taken steps in the "nude pictures" matter and I'm not finished yet, still seeking wisdom in this. My daughter is definitely at fault in this issue as well, not just the boy. I never think my daughter is the angel. When she tells me of situations I also ask her what her part was in that.

As far as knowing there are nudes and not reporting it and getting in trouble-I only asked the police that because a previous poster stated that if I knew there were nudes and didn't report them then I was liable-so that was in response to that lady's statement. No worries, I'm not a perfect mom at all but I wouldn't hide things I know are illegal- so only asked the police that question to answer the lady's post. Any good parent wouldn't hide illegal matter. When asking the police this he stated, "by no means is a parent in trouble with the law for knowing about nudes and not reporting it."

And someone said if she's under my plan and there's nudes then there's trouble-she's not under my plan-she is using snapchat via wifi

I told the police about the nudes and what to do about it. His concern was not at all to charge the boy. He was very understanding and explained he was more concerned about the teens pictures being available online forever and the impact of that. He said the boy could be charged but its very difficult to prove that but if I wanted to then I could. His suggestion was to warn the boy and to proceed with charges should it happen again.

I have already tried finding the boys parents. This boy is from Bangladesh and I'm having trouble locating his dad and this boy knows through the text I sent him that I am going to tell his dad. That connection will happen but takes time. He does not have a mother in his life.

Thank you for your advice. It's tough raising a teen. I am definitely more of a soft hearted person and have much to learn about laying down the law. It's because of my past relationship with her and some traumatic events we went through together and often I feel heartbroken or guilty for not giving her a better life growing up, but that's the past and I need to focus on where we are today and not parent out of guilt. I have to parent for both her dad and I as he's living in another province. He's a good father, as good as he can be for being far away so I'm trying hard on my own and he's usually on speaker phone guiding me and helping to calm her down and her anger towards me holding her back. I'm doing much better the past few months. Threw out all her revealing clothes she bought herself in which I already advised her not to buy, grounded her for three weeks, limiting her social time to 2 hours at a time until she builds trust, removed her phone and went through all of it, she's not allowed out with lots of makeup and decent clothing, got her in counselling (2nd time around), and I check her phone after every use and we have a contract with consequences. I'm an easy mom to talk to so she shares a lot with me, but I remember well as a teen how much parents really don't know lol. She's a great kid, too pretty for her own good and that terrifies me, all the boys want her and I'm trying hard to teach her that she's valuable and not to give herself away. To her it probably sounds like blah blah blah idk. But I know she's retaining some of what I teach her, I'm always talking and need to listen to her more (so the teen books suggest).

Anyhow no offence to any lady who responded. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it. I have much to learn. Hopefully I'll be more equipped by the time my next three become teens. ?

Oh yeah, his parents need to know for sure.

I'm not saying to necessarily press charges but at least take it to his parents to let them know what's going on so they could deal with it. She just lets it slide as if nothing happened. And I stand by what I said. Teens experiment with boundaries for sure but they need some level of control and guidance. And girls especially because they're vulnerable to pressures horny teenage boys have over them. They need to know when to say no and know when someone crosses the line of what's acceptable and safe.

@Mishkers your ss15 totally needs and sounds like deserves one based on his actions and behaviors. I do drop off and pick ups and ds16 isn't in any sports so it works lol

Lid, I don't think it went crazy really. But I'm willing to bet her daughter has sent stuff to this boy too and if she tries to press charges it'll come right back on her daughter so before looking at making the boy a registered sex offender she needs to decide if she'd be willing to do the same to her own daughter.

I had mamadukes philosophy of you can have a phone when you can pay for it. Then ss15 was in baseball and sometimes came home on bus, sometimes stayed for practice and rode late bus, sometimes games got cancelled...it became ridiculous trying to communicate and arrange pickups so I go him a phone for my ease. He has dh's old iPhone. He's a super good kid though and would get sent back to Motorola or heck even a razor land if he did anything to make me question him.

Ok, so give phone back. Turn off data! Lol. iPhone without data. ? it's essentially a flip phone. Unless she's home on wifi.

I am sorry - what? The feed went crazy ? I actually feel insulted by this. Many people here wasted (it seems) time to offer you their viewpoint and advice and now you dismiss us as crazies? Why ask for advice if it's not wanted.

My 16 yr old doesn't have a phone bc I told him he needs to get a job to pay for it. All his friends have one. Boo hoo! I always had to work for what I wanted and am instilling that in him as well.

Now if he did have one and I found nudes on it, the service would be terminated and the phone sold.

Kids need to feel the consequence of their actions. That's the only way they'll truly learn. Read Parenting by the Book. It teaches just that.

Lol this feed has went crazy. Thank you for all your advice ladies.

It's child pornography and it is severely illegal to be in possession or guilty of distributing child pornography. It is illegal. It's extremely illegal. If she's on your phone plan, YOU are guilty of possession of child pornography. She is guilty of child pornography. He is guilty of sexual harassment, misconduct with a minor, and digital distribution of child pornography. It is a crime. It needs to be handled severely. His parents need to be involved. Don't count on kids learning from their non existent embarrassment.

There are A LOT of other ways for teens to learn to respect the law rather then ruining their chance at having a slightly normal, successful life as an adult by making them a registered sex offender. I think going thru this whole ordeal talking to the boy, his parents, and the police is far enough embarrassment for both of them about it. Take the phone and don't give it back. But pressing charges? What exactly has he done to your daughter that she can't recover from or didn't engage in herself? What if his parents countered and pressed charges against YOUR daughter? Would you feel as strongly about it then? Our criminal system is far from just or even functional and any decision to put someone through the consequences of having their record blemished should NOT be taken lightly.

ETA: My response was not directed at OP, just talking in general about what has been discussed about pressing charges and the legality of sexting.

I wouldn't give a damn about what other kids do. She might be just hanging around the wrong crowd. Their parents wants risking their criminal record? Fine. Let them. It doesn't mean you should allow the same.

As to stuff like Snapchat and anything 'disappearing ' online - wake up. It's all out there and can be recovered if court ordered. Telco providers are under scrutiny from regulators and have to make and keep backups of everything . Don't be naive. And definitely you should proceed and at least threaten with pressing charges. How else will they learn to respect the law? You need to respect the law too. If you're lenient and your daughter sees it how do you expect her to respect you? I'm sorry if I sound mean but it's the bottom line. Your replies are full of excuses as if you lacked spine. Ok so you called the police to see if you self incriminated and are safe for doing nothing about something you know is wrong. Wow!. You're the grown up here you should stand up for your daughter, not allow some little shmuck pervert to harass her sexually. And your daughter will now move onto living a life where harassing her with nudes is ok. What will be next? Will she think that guys touching her without asking if it's ok is to be accepted too? That she's got no say? As to the boy. He doesn't need your politeness. He needs his ass smacked by his parents. The truth is, you don't know the kid and you're creating excuses for him. Please tell me you came to see his parents to tell them what's he's up to. Because you're a grown up and you should be dealing with adults here. Not children.

Absolutely no phone around a crowd like that. There's no need.

Yeah I can't bring myself to charge the poor boy...there's a reason he's sending it, obviously consensual. I did message him as she had his phone number in contacts and I politely asked him not to do that anymore which I'm sure is humiliating enough knowing I seen his penis. If they did want a relationship he'll have a hard time meeting her mom. He apologized and said he would stop that practice. He also said he was a good kid who made a bad decision, I told him I believe he is a good kid. It's tough for parents and teens, I'm only learning, trying to give freedom but keep her safe. I was raised to be held back and told no, no, no and had no communication between my parents and I really rebelled so I hope I can do better with her. I know she'll find a way around things, that's why I give her chances with the phone again and keep going. I can't change her heart, I can only hope direct, give boundaries/consequences and hope she'll make good choices. Lots of praying happening too!!

I don't think anyone is saying to prosecute but I think teenagers truly don't understand the consequences. The boy clearly thinks he's Scott free and those are serious consequences.

And technically they are breaking the law. Should we just pick and choose which laws to follow?

I think it is a little extreme to want to prosecute another teen for sending ur teen a nude photo. I'm not saying that teens sexting is okay. It most definitely is not and if u know the parents they should definitely be contacted. But prosecuting a teen for sending a nude photo is a little much especially if it was consensual. U realize that if it was prosecuted that teen will be facing felony charges, 5 years in prison (more than likely an adult facility), and has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his/her life. Do u really want to ruin a teen's entire life over a nude photo they sent?! Just ridiculous. Teens are curious about sex! They have hormones roaring and it's on all of their minds.

Op I think u are doing a great job with what you're doing currently. I think the contract is a great idea too and I think it should be something the both of u come up with together. That way she can have her input and her voice is heard. I also think that it'll set up a clear understanding of boundaries, appropriate behavior, and ur expectations of her.

I think the best thing to do is to prepare ur daughter with the knowledge of how to protect herself. Talk about safe sex, internet safety, the real life consequences she can face if she sends nude photos, the unrealistic expectations in porn etc. like u said they're going to do what they want to do and they'll find a way to do it. It's better to make sure they're protected and have all the info to protect themselves than to try and lock them up in their room until they're 18.

Yes you can check all snapchats they aren't really gone they are just backed up in another place. You can now view a persons location on Snapchat so you can see where the person is located and figure out who they are from there. Also most people connect the Snapchat with their phone number

You can screenshot a Snapchat. And like pp said you can download them all. They are NOT gone forever! That kid was not intelligent in what he said! Honesty he sounds more dumb to me because he thinks he can't get caught. All the pictures stay on the snap chat server. The police can just get a warrant and Snapchat has to give them up (this has happened before). They can see who it was sent to to and by whom. But you have to correlate the username with the user. Which won't be hard to do if you get their phones

Btw you're a great mom and your daughter will thank you one day when's she successful and doesn't have embarrassing things in her past

@Surprised - thank you I'll look into that. I know that I can see pictures she sends in a message through snapchat but what about the ones that are sent and limited to 10 seconds-are those ones able to be retrieved?

On Snapchat if you connect the phone to your computer all pictures are saved. Sent and received I haven't done it in a while but I'm sure there is YouTube videos on it

Also I don't send nudes and it wasn't "popular" when I was younger but I know kids now a days send their face in the picture which I'm like don't be dumb I would at least not show my face haha

I spoke with the police and they said the teen (under 18) sending the picture can be charged but that it's pretty hard to do that when it's sent in snap chat because the picture only lasts 10 seconds or less, taking a picture of it before it leaves will help get the teen charged but it is still difficult to do because kids use different names on snap chat etc...

The police are more concerned on advising our teens in not sending nudes because the pictures can be captured and used to humiliate the person by being spread around the school or posted online and to just have this talk with the teen on how it can ruin their life.

Also stated that parents cannot be charged for knowing about nude pictures being sent and not reporting them. Although not sure why a good parent would want to hide that anyways.

I gave my daughter a huge warning and let her hear my conversation with the police.

@goodle-so they are completely illegal? ok well I'll have to see if I can access the picture if it's still available on snap chat and go that route!! I'm pretty sure the picture leaves after it's received the one time? I'm going to call the police tomorrow to see what I can do. It's disgusting behaviour. I've tried to locate this kids parents but it's impossible so far.

I hear you both!! The issue with this generation of teens being raised is an issue of entitlement. I'm a mom who has limited my daughter from having total freedom that many teenagers are given these days... and taught her values, love and forgiveness, saving yourself, treating others with respect, staying away from drugs and working hard and I've prayed lots....she's been limited in regards to being given everything, I make her work hard and be a part of her family where as many of her friends are handed brand new iPhones and given cell phone plans under parents credit, bought $400 semi prom dresses, given freedom to stay out until 4am at parties, have access to wifi day and night, allowed to sleep in until the afternoon and not contribute, spend their days out with their friends doing what they want...she's the one in her group that is grounded most often if she disobeys and has had to earn privileges by doing home chores, staying on top of school to be given freedom to go out, wifi shut off at night, phone removed often if she's on it too much or if she disrespects family members or if I find trash on it, working this summer and half of each pay is put into savings, not allowed parties, behind on the latest technology, pays for her own cell phone plan, works to pay for her semi dress and school clothing and overall having to live up to my standards and her dads of being a decent teenager if it's at all possible in this generation. She's loved by us. There's nothing easy with parenting a teenager. It's been hard even seeing her friends being given the latest iPhone when she's had to work to get her own...but I don't believe it's good for these kids to be handed over everything they want. I try so hard as a mom to be fair and give freedom as she shows trust. Our relationship is open, she shares so much with me on what's really going on with her and her circle of friends. The other night I picked her up from a friends house when I found out the parents weren't home and she sulked and made a fit but had to deal with it...the other girls who stayed ended up staying out until 7:30the next morning doing who knows what...and I seen her friends posting that on Instagram...so shes definitely one who is not given everything but instead has boundaries. Giving her a flip phone is not an easy choice when I consider the many ways I'm already holding her back (for her own good) and how she's raised contrary to all her friends and age group. It's just not easy. I'm trying to meet her in the middle and I give her second chances. But I hear what you're saying and I wish it was easier to just go that route and completely limit her access. I know she'll find other ways around it and use her friends phones or secretly buy one etc. I'm still considering what is the best way to do this...

I don't know if sending nudes can be reported but now it's something I'll look into. I've shared it with my trusting friends who are wise parents and that subject of forwarding pictures to the police was never brought up but it's definitely something I would do if I knew it was an avenue. I told the boy who sent it that I consider it sexual harassment. He took that as a threat and tried responding intelligently. It was on snap chat he sent it so the picture doesn't stay forever...I just happened to have taken her phone away because she shut it off the night before when I was supposed to pick her up and instead stayed out longer claiming she couldn't get ahold of me cause her phone was dead..so I took it and while going through her phone this boy sent his pkg..she hasn't seen the picture but I'm sure it's not the first. These teens are not raised how we have been!! Now they're selling books on how to parent teens in a generation of entitlement. I have the book-still learning!

The nudes are severely illegal. Since you saw them and didn't report it to the police, you could get in huge trouble too.

Ok what happened to flip phones ? Does she really need a smart phone ?

I honestly wouldn't have enough time to review the activity every day. And there are better things to do anyway.

You're both right.

I did communicate with the boy who sent a picture of his package and advised him to stop doing that and told him it's her mom who sees it and that I check her phone. I find it hard to never give back her phone. I give her chances to prove herself. I don't know if that's right. It's just not easy to never give her another chance and especially raising kids where everyone has a phone. It's just tough. Her and I are writing up a contract to state that if she uses it again in a certain way then she gets a certain consequence. That's all I know to do for now....struggling in this area...

Yea I wouldn't give her phone back. If she's receiving nudes and the people are underage that can be a criminal offense. She's doing illegal things on her phone. (Sending nudes to others when underage is also illegal)

She wouldn't have a phone here. And if she needed one for safety like home alone, old school flip phone. I don't see how this is a big problem. A phone is a privilege. A smart phone is only for the best kids.

Yeah I don't know what avenue to take...she openly tells me so much already and I've seen so much on her phone...nudes from boys, trashy sex talk, porn websites accessed so I took away her phone now two weeks for the disturbing stuff I seen...and now I'm giving it back to her and obviously have no idea how to give back a device that is being used for trash. I guess there's no stoping them, they're gonna do what they're gonna do...if I am able to see some of what she's doing before she deletes it and if it is something dangerous then at least I can act on it in a way to help her instead of not knowing. I remember teen years-tough stuff. Teens will manipulate and lie and sneak to get what they want..I can try as a parent to teach her and limit access and give boundaries and curfews but man oh man...teens will still find a way. Nothing easy about raising a teen!!

Thanks for your comments ladies!

Depends on how far you want to monitor. If you have an open trusting relationship as her mother I would just tell her that I will monitor her phone and if there is a password I am to know what it is and be notified if it ever changed.

If that's not enough, you can check out smstracker. It records all texts, phone call logs, GPS location and web activity. It's like $10 a year for all of those.

Honestly I would work on creating a strong, open relationship where she feels comfortable talking to u. Where u can ask her about anything she does on her phone and the both of u can have an honest discussion. And have lots of honest discussions about porn or internet safety. U can monitor her phone all u want, but kids are sneaky, smart, and figure out ways around all of that. Like using friends' phones at school or at their house. I remember being able to get around the "parental blocks" they have on school computers. At the very least I'd inform her u are going to be monitoring her phone so she doesn't feel like u've violated her privacy and trust.

Google something regarding popular teen apps, read up on apps and they are used.

People just don't realize how vulnerable children are to technology!

Instagram has anonymous accounts called sass accounts where the teenagers post everything bad. And it just looks like they are in Instagram.

If you don't know about the sites they use it's hard to block the sites.

I know you can do a blocked sites thru your company online then you just have to google and see what's a good app for what you need it for

Google search apps. There is an app that lets you access all their pictures, messages, emails, even deleted stuff. Will record phone calls to and the phone log