AMA on interracial children

Oh I'd also like to mention my children are also mixed there 1/4 Irish 1/4 African America. And 1/2 Lebanese .

But since I know nothing of my culture I have nothing to share unfortunately other then showing them Pictures of my father and letting them know there part African American since they have only seen very few in real life there 7-6-3 and home schooled .

This is something that's very saddening when I think about it even I tried calleing my grandmother to ask her where she's originally from obvs it's not just Detroit but she doesn't even

Know.

Anyone with any advice dm me !!!

I am personally mixed my mother was white (Irish ) and my dad black (Detroit?)

Any way I got made fun of called white washed , I was raised by my mother and she raised me as white in all white schools and what not

Any time I ever went around black people I always got made fun of for the way I talk because I talk proper, the way I dress , the food I eat how I eat or how much/little, I was never black enough for the black group but never white enough for the whites when I grew up

I got called Carlton , in college some black guy called me a house nig*** which I didn't even know what that meant and me being oblivious I was like oh what's that talk about being embarrassed in front of a lot of people .

I'm pretty light skinned but it's obvs I'm not white I have black features like my nose lips hands (apparently I've been told my ears lol ??) and my bottom.

I think it would of been much easier if I was raised with both my parents or at least my mother showed me

Both sides of the culture there's still so much I don't know I really know nothing about my African American side .

I would definitely keep encouraging your SO to speak Spanish. Maybe there are mommy and me classes at your local community center that teach Spanish?

I also wanted to add that I encourage my SO to speak Spanish around the kids even though it's not his first language. We both want them to be exposed to their different cultures, but I am concerned a bit as I have zero talent with language other than English. Any suggestions on encouraging my children to be bilingual when I, myself, am not?

Same as a pp mentioned, my children are always assumed to be a different ethnicity than that are. They are part Peruvian. My oldest two take after their father; darker complexion, dark hair, dark eyes. My youngest takes after my side of the family; pale complexion, hazel eyes, light brown/dirty blond hair. Everyone assumes my SO and two oldest are either Mexican or Middle Eastern. They also assume our youngest is not his, since they look so different. I used to be bothered but that made no sense whatsoever.

My children have been exposed to a variety of cultures-some ethnically driven, some religiously driven. We just answer any questions they have and adopt traditions from both sides of the family. I would prefer my children not feel they need to pick a culture to identify with and thankfully, both sides of our family are very open and don't place emphasis on being "black enough" or "white enough".

My son has yet to ask what he is, but he identifies us as shades of brown-mommy is light brown, he, his sister and daddy are brown and his grandma is dark brown. He has brown eyes like daddy and curly hair like mommy and daddy. I'm sure at some point we will have to answer that direct question and we will answer honestly.

I get this craziness all the time. My husband and I are both very mixed as I'm creole and have more Indian in me than anything and my husband is French, Latino, and black. There's rarely a day we go somewhere that people don't stare. We have been asked what we are before and I just laugh like as whole what are or what. Just a ridiculous question I'm a human. According to the world I look Dominican, my husband looks Mexican, and no one can tell what our kids are. They all have a mixed hair type but our boys have dreads now. We also purposely named our children so people would continue guessing especially with a clearly French last name and my maiden name is Jewish so anytime that gets brought up people just look dumbfound. I am yet to know what to tell my kids. My oldest is four and appears some of the kids at school must be asking him because we NEVER discuss race and we do not identify people by a skin tone. My kiddo said someone told him he was black and I just looked at my husband like ummmm what do I say next. So I told him no he's not "black" he's more of a tan and to never let people identify him by a color and to mind their business about his nationality. Still not sure if that was right but I was raised to consider myself solely "black" but I don't. My household is Spanglish, and my kids have an entire side of their family that only speaks Spanish whom they see often and they have another side that speaks French and English. The confusion in my house is real. What have others told their children when asked "what they are"?

Thank you both!! I'm going to have to try your suggestions. I've been using a shea moisture shampoo

Danielle: I wash my kids hair once a week. We don't brush their hair at all, only use a wide tooth comb and we only comb it right before its washed (to detangle it) and then right after. Other than that, it's only finger combed. My sons hair is coarse, tight curls and my daughters is soft loose ringlets. We use coconut oil as a moisturizer for my son and a light Shea butter "milk" for my daughter. I spritz her hair with water every morning when I style it.

For mixed hair conditioner is a must, you should run out of conditioner before shampoo. Also you don't have to wash their hair every single day, just maybe once or twice a week if it gets dirty. Use a good natural shampoo that is geared towards ethnic hair, they tend to have extra oils in them. You can also invest in some coconut oil or argon oil of the hair is just really dry. Also if it breaks off a lot, keeping it braided or in ponytails instead of hanging loose will help with retention.

I'm white and my husband is black and my daughter is ten months with super curly hair. How do you take care of your children's hair?

Natasha: that made my heart hurt. Your son will acknowledge you. You aren't raising him to judge your skin tone as less than his. You will teach him that beauty comes in every shade. You will teach him that just as you are not defined by the color of your skin, he is not defined by the color of his. The beauty of having interracial children is we have a special ability to teach them differently than we were taught. We have the opportunity to right some of those wrongs from the beginning. That's a special gift to be entrusted with.

I'm white and my ex is afghany, my oldest two are mixed. Living in Texas, everyone assumes and ask if they are half Mexican. I always get a weird look when I say no, they are afghany. Lots of racism against middle easterns over here. When I had both of them, my ex's family didn't like the names we picked. They said they were too American.

I'm a dark skin black woman and my husband is pale skin blue eyed white man. My son looks exactly like my husband even has blue eyes!! Never in a million years did I think I could have a child with blue eyes and with such pale skin. The only genetic feature he received from me is somewhat straight curly hair . When my son and I go out without my husband, I get all the comments and questions. I've been asked if I was babysitting? Or is that your baby? Oh and the constant double takes in looks! I could go on. I wonder if my son will acknowledge me as his mother when he gets older or be ashamed of me, cuz I'm dark skinned. I also struggle because everybody comments about how beautiful he is cuz he has blue eyes, curly hair and pale. While I do think my son is beautiful and unique. I do not want him thinking he's better or cuter than someone who is darker. As stated earlier I'm a dark skin woman and I grew up in family/era with that light skin is better. My grandmother would always say don't marry anybody darker than you because your kids will come out ugly. Till this day at 41 years old I still have an inferiority complex due to my dark skin. With that being said I do not want my son thinking he's better/cuter because his blue eyes and pale and I definitely do not want him mistreating others. I struggle cuz I want to instill confidence in my son and want him to be proud. I just hope I find the right balance.

My dh is German and black, raised German so he identifies with German as his ethnicity.

I'm a mix of creole, black, and Frenchman. I identify with black.

My kids are a rainbow coalition. We raise them to know both sides. My two year old picks up on German faster than English. She's almost fluent.

I have people always ask if they are mine because they are really light like my husband. I usually answer with no I just picked them up at the park cuz they were friendly. ?

Serenas: I'm sure a lot of people assume my viewpoint is "simply because" my husband is black, but I grew up in a very small, very white community in SoCal. With the exception of some Mexican families, there was very little diversity. I can remember at a very young age being uncomfortable with the way the Mexican families were treated. I can also remember babysitting a little girl who was mixed black/white and telling her she looked just like her mommy and at 5 years old she said "look at my skin. Does it look like my mommy? No. So I don't look like her." And she started crying. And I remember thinking "what a****** adult has pointed that out to her?" So, I guess I've always been aware. My awareness increased drastically when I started dating my husband and started experiencing first hand some of the prejudices people have. Being pulled over for "driving while black"-that's a real thing. Being judged before being met because your name isn't John or Austin or Samantha-that's a real thing. Hearing comments like "is your kids dad involved?" When they find out he's black-that's a real thing. And now, raising children who the majority of society will always view as black (regardless of their pale skin) brings an awareness that is physically painful at times. I find that because I'm white, people sometimes roll their eyes when I talk about race. But for me, because I am a "wasp" by the sheer luck of the genetic lottery, I struggle a lot-because as much as I can empathize with my husband and children, I will never fully understand what they face. I am a white woman raising black children. I have to teach them pride in their heritage and skin while acknowledging that I never had to be taught those things because no one ever questioned them.

Goat: the "what are they?" Or "what are they mixed with?" Question gets old sometimes. My sarcastic self wants to respond "uh, children?!" Or "sugar and spice and everything nice". The interesting part (at least for me) is that my husband never gets asked that when it's just him and the kids out. People don't question their ethnicity. But when they're out with me, that question pops up regularly. I even had a daycare teacher go so far as to say "is their dad black or something? That's probably why your son has eczema-cuz he's mixed." We didn't enroll our son, but I definitely was taken back a bit. And, like you, I don't always catch the intention-I see my children as my children. I don't think of them as "my interracial children", the same way as I don't think of my husband as "my black husband", so I have been caught off guard as well. Throw in our Arabic last name and the holiday and religious questions get real interesting. Lol

I'm white and DH is half Argentinean and half Cuban. We got a lot of grief that DS name was "too white" and didn't fit well with our Spanish last name. It really eerks me because with DS2 DH is trying to name him these off the wall names from Spanish soccer players which those names are common in Brazil and Spain but in the US I feel like in the long run when he is older he'll have problems.

MIL also mentioned I dressed him too white , so I asked for baby pictures of DH and I told her she named his a common white name as well as dressed him the same as any other child 30 years ago so I didn't want to hear. She stopped after that.

2 of my baby's are white and Honduranhispanic)

2 of my baby's are black white and Indian)

I guess I do identify more as Filipino since I was raised by my Filipino mother only. But growing up I realized I didn't look like normal Filipino kids which made me feel like I didn't connect well with the FilAm culture. But in high school I did try to learn as much as I could about the Mexican culture. But as for my child he is 75% Filipino and 25% Mexican. He will definitely grow up with Filipino culture as that's all I know with experience.

I'm white and DH is Mexican. The only question that I recall ever being asked is when it's just me out in public with my boys, people ask if my DH is Mexican because my boys look Mexican. I just laugh and say yeah. They are very light complected but my DH has a pretty light skin tone. Also, where I'm from, there are so many biracial kids so it's the norm. For some reason I think people find it weird that I'm married to a Mexican. ? I don't know why. People are weird.

I'm off to bed, ladies. I'll check in the morning and respond to anything more that comes up.

I wish we had the option of diverse schools where we live. I live in a very small town where its predominantly Hispanics. The schools here aren't the best but I'm still doing my research as far as which school would b best for ds n our future children.

It's crazy because in Toronto, I find MOST kids are mixed. Like it's totally normal to expect mixed kids. Half of the classroom are mixed and the other are multicultural. It's cuteness overload.

We were very careful to choose schools that were diverse for that reason, chola. We didn't want our kids to be "the only black kid" or the "only white kid", so we chose a school district where there was variety and "different" was actually "normal". I'm sure at some point someone will point out the differences to my children, but my hope is that when it finally occurs we will have instilled enough self confidence that they aren't phased by it.

That puts me at ease a bit. I was bullied as a kid (middle school) n I hear so many stories of kids getting bullied now n they keep getting younger n younger. Naturally i would b worried because of my experience.

Our daughter is mixed between Canadian/Irish &Russian/Israeli so (White plus white) lol. She looks like you wouldn't be able to guess her background

@odd my mom has a red head (me) a blonde (my sister) and a brunette (my bro) and she gets asked all the time "is he (my dad) the only father?" My dad isnt my bio dad but were both white in complexion so no one ever questions it. They question if my brother is my dads because he is darker complected than her other 2 children . He looks hispanic just like my mom (my mom is like 1/4th hispanic lol)

@robii, aren't some Albanians red headed and super light toned? That would also make a super cute baby!!

Kids don't seem to notice, chola. That may change as they get older, but so far, I'm simply Aidan's mom. No one under the age of 10 has questioned that. That must be frustrating, odd. My children are very similar in complexion, although my son looks like my husband and my daughter looks like me, so we haven't had to face that.

Lovebug: my children have names that will leave people guessing their ethnicity. That was done purposefully. Out last name is Arabic and both my children have first names that are Irish in origin. I think it helps lessen the stereotypes that people associate with names.

I am white (German, Czech and Irish) and my husband is half

Mexican and half Dutch.

I have a son from a previous relationship, his father was half white and half Native American. He looks more like me in complexion.

My husband and I have four sons together. Ds2 is paler in complexion than I am and has lighter hair with blue eyes. He's a spitting image of my dad. Ds3 has a tan complexion, dark eyes and dark hair like his dad. Ds4 is kind of a golden tan with golden hair and dark eyes. The baby is golden tan with hazel brown/green eyes with golden hair.

I get a lot of questions about how many fathers my kids have. ? I also get a lot of negative comments that my kids aren't Mexican enough from some of my husband's family. One of his aunts likes to tell me that ds2 is an "albino Mexican" or the whitest Mexican she's ever seen.

I know what u mean pookie. If ds looked Asian no one would question it either but I know they mean no offense to it. Personally, I'm a very curious individual n I wonder about a lot of things. My only concern is when he goes to school I just don't want him being teased because mommy looks different than him.

My LO is Irish, Nigerian and Trinidadian

Interesting topic. I don't have a baby but about to have my first in January. My babys father is african-american-irish he is mixed but has a light skin. Myself am middle eastern am also mixed but have a dark skin. I often wonder how our baby would look like and if she don't look like me would people seeing me with her ask questions.

I got nice comments about names too from nearby people because I always wanted a name thats from my culture that works with my babys father. And people would comment stuff like "that nane sounds too arabic" or "you dont want ur kid to sound like a terrorist" that was mostly when I was thinking of boy names thoo. Ugh some people are stupid. I decided to keep babys name more to myself with ppl around me lol but am naming her Nyla and people can kiss my ass ??

I get asked "is their dad black or Hispanic?" On a regular basis. I generally accept it as curiosity as well, chola, but there is part of me that believes if my kids were blonde with blue eyes, no one would ever ask "is their dad Irish?" And it took some time for me to adjust to that curiosity.

Ehenz: I think that's the struggle with mixed children-helping them find that balance of culture. Do YOU, as an adult, identify more with one culture than the other? How do you plan on teaching your children to "fit in" to multiple cultures?

Robii: when my son was born he looked Filipino. Seriously. He had super straight dark hair, red toned skin and looked nothing like me or his father. But within days, his features settled and he began to look exactly like his dad, just slightly lighter.

I'm Asian n Dh is Mexican. Ds looks like a perfect mixture of us both. The only questions I've been ask is if his dad is Hispanic considering I look n am Asian. I took no offense to that as I know naturally people r curious. Both of our families love him to bits.

Carr, I get "is it true what they say about black men?" Like I'm actually going to discuss my husbands genitalia with coworkers and friends. And awkward "once you go black..." Comments. I generally try to assume that those questions are asked out of ignorance and not with a mean spirit. I came to realize a long time ago that people's own relationships color their impressions of mine, so I have to not take their lack of depth personally.

I've also heard the white name comment. I said "I didn't know names had colors." Lol. I've also heard "stop treating him like he's white." I really don't get it. Its sad.

I've been asked if I babysit this baby everyday? ? His dad is the only one that always said he looks just like me.

I stopped getting upset about the comments just chalked it up to people being ignorant.

Sunshine, geeze I hope neither of my kids ever feel like that :(

My so's mom actually told us the name we picked out for our daughter was "too white". So, I get that.

*sigh*

Sunshine: people will know she's yours. No matter her complexion, they'll know. And it's likely that the response you'll get when the two of you are out by yourselves will be different than the response she and her dad will receive. And rosejen, it's been my experience that people don't comment directly, they just stare awkwardly. I would much rather they ask the awkward question than stare at us.

I'm Mexican and Filipino and I swear I get so torn on what to fill in for my race. I want to put biracial but I also want to embrace my Mexican and Filipino side. When I was younger I always felt kind of in the middle like I didn't belong. And I get so sick of people asking me what is my race because I have chinky eyes but I look Mexican so it's "confusing". Every time I tell them my mix they go "omg that was my next guess". ?

@rosejen this is similar to my two younger brothers. My stepdad is Japanese and one of my brothers is pale with blonde hair and blue eyes and the other has tan skin, brown hair & brown eyes & people would comment on it & it made the blonde one so self conscious, he used to ask all the time if he was adopted ?

Sunshine and absolutely: I have heard on a regular basis "she would look like you if she had blue eyes". Which makes me roll my eyes, because my daughter doesn't need blue eyes to look like me, her brown skin and brown eyes don't change the fact that she looks a lot like me. And while I haven't heard comments about how my children are dressed, we did hear a lot of comments about how "white" our children's names are. And I usually just address those remarks with "I had no idea names had a color." I would probably react the same way with clothing comments. My children are dressed nicely. If that makes them appear "white", that's a deeper seated issue within the commenter than simply clothing.

I'm white and DH is Mexican. DS got my complexion and DD got DH's complexion. I worry people will think DD isn't mine if I'm out with just the kids, or DH isn't DS's dad if we're all out together, or that they look nothing alike. I really don't care because I love their differences but I dread the day someone comments about it.

I'm Caucasian and my SO is Albanian. I feel like if the baby comes out with my skin colour his family might say the baby isn't his. Of course this isn't true he is the only person I've been with in over 3 years. Has anyone else dealt with anything like this?

Pook, do people make assumptions about your romantic life with your husband because of your races? My husband is Hispanic, and my white friends will sometimes make comments using words like, "spicy" and "Latin," but they would never use those same words to describe other aspects of our marriage, like say, communication or spirituality.

I think the preference depends on who you're asking. Within the African American culture, there has been a long fought battle regarding light vs. dark skin tones. There are still some that believe that being lighter skinned is more societally acceptable. On the flip side, to the majority of the Caucasian community, my children aren't light skinned, they're black. There is no separation of skin tone color-they're simply "not white." The struggle then becomes teaching them how to navigate both those perceptions and also assisting society in maturing and changing so that skin tone has no value placed upon it-negatively or positively.

Yes! That's what I worry about most. My SO is pretty dark & I'm very pale so I feel like no matter who she is with, people aren't going to understand that she's our child ? we live in a small town in Texas and already have some issues with prejudice just as a couple. Smh.

Sunshine. I've been asked is he your son a lot and I think he looks like me. People can't see pass complexion.

My so is African American and I'm white. I'm due in a month with my first and I worry about questions like "is that your child?" Or if my daughter ends up being pale skin, hair & eyes like me & so tries to take her out on his own that people will give him a hard time.

Have you been in any of these situations or been asked any insensitive questions and if so, how do you respond?

My sons dad is mixed, half black, half white. I'm black. My son is real light with curly hair. do you deal with "stop treating him like he's white, he's dressed like a little white boy, my zebra baby?" Things of those nature. If so, how do you handle it?

Do you feel like people prefer "mixed" babies more than they would a darker African American child ?

I only ask because i see a lot of girls my age on ig talking about "mixed mami ??" and alot of darker skinned girls talking about how society prefers mixed children over darker ones.

I personally think all babies are gorgeous and dont see how anyone could discriminate against a child ???