"CIO is necessary" SO and dds Pediatrician keep telling me that cio is best right now. Dd is 9 months and bed shares…

Look into the differences between CIO and CC (controlled crying). There's a big difference!

Thank you ladies for all the advice and support. We will be trying a much more gentle method tonight and if it doesn't work I'll just go back to bed sharing for a week and start over with a new gentle plan.

CIO is not for everyone. Start with a routine for bedtime that relaxes you both. Your baby will feed off your emotions so it is important for you to stay calm and be ok with whatever way you choose to do this. Don't let anybody force you into this because it'll make it harder on you and your little one. Start with the routine and go from there. This is not something that happens overnight and your SO and DR need to understand that. Many hugs to you mama

There are other methods put there. I personally prefer gradual retreat. It may take some time but is less dramatic than cio. (By the way i did do a modified cio with my 18 month old so not totally against it) it's where you put baby down and leave your hand on their back or stomach. You don't pat or talk just leave your hand there so they know you're there. Once they're settled you raise your hand about an inch off their body. If they fuss put it back down but the idea is that eventually they settle without you touching them. You then sit with your back to them not touching but if they wake thry can see you there, you then move a metre or so at a time away from their cot until you're out the door. It sounds long but it doesn't take tgat much time and long term they learn to settle on their own rather than getting worked up through crying.

Cio method was never for us. Little ones do not cry for no reason...even if it's just wanting to be held..that's still a reason. It's all about using your judgment and listening to YOUR little one.

....and I remember some months back ladies on here said they didn't do it until their little ones were atleast a year old...every little one is different...some may develop that fear...that if they cry no one will come or that them crying isn't that important. They're still very dependent at that age.

But I do truly hope you find what works best for you and your little one.

For the past couple nights I've had a terrible sick feeling when starting her bedtime routine. Knowing I'll have to listen to her cry. She gets very upset when she knows it's close to bedtime. It's killing me. I'm not doing it tonight. There has to be a better way for us.

Nope.... could never do the cry it out method. ?

No matter how anyone explains it to me, I would never feel ok doing it.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable then stop !! You don't have to do it.

I know the harm it can cause. I have done research on cio from day one. I even presented it to SO on numerous occasions and he just doesn't believe it. He claims many things in life can create various outcomes and shape a person into who they are as an adult. Which i guess is true but i don't want to add to it if i can help it.

My only advice is to pick a method you are comfortable with, agree it with SO, and then stick to it consistently. If you're not ok with CIO then don't use it. But do stay consistent. Doing a few days of something, abandoning it, switching etc. is confusing for your child and emotionally exhausting for you.

Also would always recommend reading the book behind the method you're using so you're well armed with information and background. Whatever you choose will be hard because sleep training (incl. no cry methods!) is hard - it just takes a TON of energy to stay consistent.

I did CIO but also did a lot from day 1 to avoid sleep crutches so it wasn't a particularly disruptive thing. In the end I just needed a kid who slept well so I could go back to work and be sane. Even though my son has generally been sleeping 7-7 since 5 months, we have moments (like when he decided to start chucking his stuffed animals out at 3am) where we have to go back to basics and retrain and that's why I'm glad my so and I have an agreed plan of attack. Plus my son knows the rules and how we operate so it's not scary or disorienting for him.

Consistency is key and you can't be consistent unless you're doing the method right for you and your family!! Take a few days off, mama, pick how you want to move forward, and go from there. Don't make yourself miserable.

https://www.google.com/amp/amp.usatoday.com/story/84838958/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/expectingscience.com/2016/04/12/critics-of-cry-it-out-fundamentally-misunderstand-how-stress-affects-the-brain/amp/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/tarahaelle/2016/05/25/one-cry-it-out-method-isnt-just-safe-it-could-be-best-for-most-babies/amp/

I mean anyone can give studies and links on both ends I guess ??‍♀️

The links are people's opinions and "blogs" there is no scientifically proven scenarios ( long term studies) you can't 100% say cio method causes brain damage by personal opinion and they "think".

Like I said there are ways to do cio method that are perfectly safe and no brain damaging effect going on ?

??‍♀️ I go by science for parenting my children- if that earns me a gold star, well then I wear it proudly. Am I perfect? No. Parenting and decisions are hard, why not research and make things easier for you by proven things? Is that always the most convenient way? No. But I'm not just raising my kids to 18, I am concerned with lifelong health.

My pedi did it with her 5 week old ?.

Other than cio her pedi is on the same page as me when it comes to dd.

Some of you act like those who do CIO are abusing or neglecting their kids ? you aren't any better of a parent for doing it or not doing it. You never did CIO? Here's your good star? congrats on never ever ' psychologically damaging' your kid.

We did CIO at 15 months. We have a very strict bedtime routine on top of that. Took 3 days and he cried 10 minutes total the first day and 5 the next two days. We went in every 3 minutes and told him we love him and it's time for bed, we didn't touch him or anything at all, just reassurance. Now we read him his two books in bed, then tuck him in with his two favorite blankets, his favorite puppy, and a water sippy cup. Then I say goodnight and I love him, and I leave. He usually turns over and cuddles his puppy and goes to bed.

Our pediatrician recommended CIO at 4 months. When we said we weren't comfortable with it until after 1, he suggested other methods since we asked. He's an amazing pedi and I wouldn't switch just because he didn't get a google degree on all the horribly psychologically damaging effects of CIO.

I'm going to try something different tonight. I just can't continue this. It was awful this morning. She waited in her crib and the second i woke up and looked at her she started crying. ? Her and i aren't ready for this.

Omg it does not cause brain damage, that's going a little to far ??

I feel like people get it confused. There is a right and wrong way to do that method, you just don't leave kids crying for long periods of time.

Do your own research and go from there.

- https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201407/parents-misled-cry-it-out-sleep-training-reports

- https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

- https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/

- https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/apr/21/leaving-baby-to-cry-brain-development-damage

- https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/apr/21/leaving-baby-to-cry-brain-development-damage

- http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/crying-it-out-causes-brain-damage.html?m=1

- http://evolutionaryparenting.com/distress-self-soothing-and-extinction-sleep-training/

I did it with both kids and will with this one, but my third is already sleeping in his own crib/bassinet happily.

Where's the link to that Nancy? My boys are 100% normal and secure

Your pediatrician cannot tell you that you HAVE to do that. I'd switch doctors asap. My doctor suggested a more controlled version and I laughed in his face. I said I will not teach my children to give up on asking for me because no one comes. CIO is psychologically damaging and there are many studies to prove it. It felt wrong because your instincts know better.

Maybe try a more gentle CIO method? Putting my 4 month old to sleep if she fusses i don't worry about it but if she cries i shush her and pet her head, if she gets really worked up I pick her up until she's calm then put her back down.

I won't do CIO.

If my Dr said I had to, then I'd probably switch Drs.

Then again, my 18 month old still gets up every single night and prefers to sleep with me, and it greatly reduces the quality of sleep that I get. ?

I think 6 minutes is not that bad at all. If my lo would settle after 6 minutes of crying, I think I'd be ok with that. But I would probably still comfort hum by patting his back or something. I pretty much don't let my lo cry.

This post made me sad. I never let dd cio. She is 15 months. You can do things a different way. Getting your baby upset like that is not healthy. You can rock, sing, walk around, play soothing music or rub their back.

When we started transitioning dd (who's 2) to her own bed and room, it was a transition. We'd sit in there with her until she fell asleep so she knew we were right there. In the beginning, she would cry for 5 minutes and then give in. I could never handle an hour of crying. I'd give in and cuddle my baby.

I am very critical of extreme CIO because I feel it damages trust. But kids do cry sometimes and a little crying is okay.

Now dd will climb into bed at bedtime and go to sleep on her own. It took like 3 months to get there but every day is another win.

I would have a fit if my so tried to prevent me comforting our child. That's horrible. It sounds like a lot of change at once for such a young baby. She's losing two of her biggest comforts at once, breastfeeding and sleeping with you. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with, I have a 4 year old and I've never done CIO. There are other options.

I agree with pp. We would put lo in his crib and pat his back, white noise machine, and kept laying him back down. It took a whole week and lots of patience but he got the hang of it.

Cio doesn't mean abandon your baby to cry for long periods. You can comfort and calm your baby then put them back in the bed it just takes a few tries

I feel like i should go back to breastfeeding to make up for what I've done by letting her cry like that. ?

Our GP gave me his "secret info" on getting kids to sleep on their own, and it was all CIO. My son never slept in his crib. Every time I would put him down, he would instantly cry and one night he cried so hard, by the time it took me to pick him up again he projectile vomited all over me. It was terrifying.

I tried it, and it wasn't for us. My husband saw how hard it was on me and our son, and luckily he understood that I couldn't do it. I honestly believe our son is a tender hearted person who didn't respond well to cio. I got him in his own bed my own way, and we were all much happier because of it.

You're her momma; you know what's best. Also, I hate that your doctor says that it's necessary... it isn't.

The first night she cried about an hour... I kept going in to pat her back and that seemed to make her cry longer. SO didn't even want me going in to do that. I wish i could take it back.

I don't think 6 minutes is bad, tbh... however I know people that would sit next to baby and comfort until they fell asleep. If you are there comforting, it takes away the feeing that you are "abandoning" them, but still kind of teaches them that they can count on you even when sleeping in their own space. Try not to be too hard on yourself. And just because your pedi says you need to, doesn't mean it's fact.

I would let my son fall asleep in our bed every night. Once he fell asleep put him in his own bed. Around 13 months I started to just put him his bed and he never cried. He was just ready to fall asleep on his own. It was the easiest transition ever. I honestly think he knew we were only in the next room. When he cries we pick him up and say it's okay and lay him back down. 99.9% of the time he falls right back to sleep no problem. You have to do what's right for you. Every baby/ child is different.

If you are uncomfortable with cio, then you to figure out what works best for you, its all trial and error. My 6 month old has started to cry when I put him down and he has no issues in sleeping in his own space in his pack and play. I just talk to him and lean over and pat his back to comfort him. If he is getting hysterical, I pick him up and rock him until he falls in a deep sleep I can put him down. Sometimes, he needs to extra space.

You do what you feel is right. Crying for a couple mins in my opinion isn't that bad. Crying for 15mins-30mins-1h is way over the top though. My son just recently starting crying at night. He's about to be 7 months. I thought it was because he was teething, but last night he was only crying when I was putting him down, like he knew I was leaving. Well he doesn't fit in our bed, he never ever slept in our bed. So I let him cry. He cried for maybe one minute. It was hard for me to hear him cry though because he never wakes up crying at night. He usually sleeps all through the night. I hope it's not something he's starting though because it's tough, tough on him and tough on me.

You'll get through with it, and your baby will adapt soon to her bed. Give her time ?