loving two
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.
I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Комментарии
Feeling a bit emotional as due with baby #2 on Saturday, feeling guilty for my little boy who's just turned two so very real for me too. I know he'll gain lots from having a sibling (hopefully!!!) but the guilt of divided attention etc when they're still so little is massive! Thanks for sharing....despite making me nearly cry ;) lol
Awww love it, made me well up. I'll be having baby 2 on Friday and have been feeling emotional for the last few weeks knowing our time with our dd as a family of 3 is coming to an end.
Come Friday life will never be the same again, so for the next few days I'll mourn what we are about to lose, so from Friday I can celebrate the new life we'll have together
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Since our May group is growing strong and we have a lot of new mommies joining and sharing their bfp's...Thought it will be fun to get to know each other as we all share our pregnancy journey!
Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend went to watch a movie, me and him don't live together yet. but point is yesterday when he was dropping me off his like sleep over at my house witch the mom and dad lives. I said no,
his response was why is everyone deciding or making choices for you and their going to do the same with the baby, when I know that's not true. what he thinks is that my mom tells me not to sleep over. So he left all mad. and I felt in my heart that he went on and cheated on me...
I guess sharing my personal info on here means having it used against me in a personal disagreement yes I was raped and no you have no right to use my daughter against me as a personal jab
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This brought a tear to my eye, I have a 17mo son and am due no 2 in November, I needed to read that as I've been worrying about it, thank you for sharing x