What would you do? So my sons dad has never really bothered all that much in the last 7 years! My sons not bothered at…

Feel sorry for your son and you. Looks like your ex has made this decision for you. With all your effort you're not getting anything back. Must be so hard but I'd leave him alone and not contact him. He burned that bridge along with his family.

I know friends and family of mine have husbands in the army and they see them all the time! It's just a poor excuse! I think he's got a gf ATM that's why we're not hearing anything from him! I just hope when Rhys is older he will see I did try to make up for my mistake at the beginning but his dad wasn't having much of it!! X

Being in the army isnt a good enough excuse im afraid, my oh has come home every 2 weeks from Germany just to have his lb for 1 night at the weekend, it sounds like he wants to be a part time dad and thats not fair on rhys at all, if hes asked not to see him be honest with his dad, maybe him walking away is him getting off scott free but also maybe best things for your boy. My dad left before i was born see him once when i was 3-4 then never seen him since, found him and im glad he walked away now... Hes a twit lol you'll do what is best for rhys ? you know him better than anyone xx

Well firstly it's in no way you're fault. You can't force someone to see their child and if they wanted to they'd be there.

I've no direct experience with this but I think I'd leave it, given the history you've explained I'd think you should just let the dad get on with it. Like I say he'd contact if he wanted to. I'm sorry for you and your son ? xx

Rhys is 7 nearly 8 and he's always been like this since he first started seeing his dad at about 2. (My fault he didn't see his dad for the first year and half) but I tried to make up for that and try to get them to be close and have a good relationship but just not happened. Rhys would go to his dad's kicking and screaming! (He would calm down 5 mins later) but I don't want him to blame me completely when he's older as its my fault in the start xx

There are some types of ppl that we are better off without. Their loss.. I would get on with my own life kids etc take everything as it comes. Maybe if u dont bother with him he will get a reality check! X

I don't get it either! His mum and sisters bother with each other's kids but not my son anymore! I think I'm finding it more upsetting than he is cos I just think he knows who they are and enjoyed seeing his cousins when he actually did! And now nothing at all! I think il just wait. He only loves 25 mins from me!! His family live 4 hours but still takes the piss! X

That's what I thought! Last time Rhys went to see him, when he got back he had his spare tooth brush in his bad I said why he said cos daddy said I'm not staying there again! I asked him if daddy was moving camps is that why he said no daddy just says I'm not going there again I was like you are!! I just looked through my messages it was the 19th Jan that I confronted him about what Rhys had said which means last time he had him was before that!!! ? anyway so I asked why Rhys had said he wasn't going there again his reply was 'he said he doesn't wanna come again because he has bad dreams' my reply was well he obviously will be coming again! His reply was 'hmmm' I said what so do you not want him to come again and he said 'yeh i do' I said well he will then! And that was that then 15th Feb he text saying Rhys ok? I reply and he doesn't even read it or reply! I then text him a week later asking why he's not reading my messages he said what messages I said the 3 you've just read he said oh what's wrong with you! That's litterally the last I've heard from him! I'm torn like you say Rhys saying I don't wanna go anymore gets his dad his own way with out looking like a prick!! But I don't wanna force Rhys to go when he doesn't want to be there! Also his dad knows nothing about Rhys, nothing that he likes, doesn't know about school like what it's called (he's in year 3!) I mean litterally nothing about him! He's not on his birth certificate or got his name! He doesn't know much about his ADHD or his ODD I mean nothing!!!

He just seems so lazy and unconcerned which is such a cruel way to behave towards a child, sorry for ur son n u as u hav to deal also. Have u thought maybe if u say ur son doesnt wanna see him then he may be glad that its not him thats caused them to stop seeing each other. Maybe he is looking for an excuse to stop altogether. Dont giv it him. However on the other hand he is so absent ur son deserves better :( so tough sorry no help xx

I think I'm just gonna leave if not contact him and see how long it takes him to contact us again then ask Rhys what he wants to do. And then tell his dad what Rhys says and why! Xx

Why dont you, instead if saying no, tell him your son doesnt actually care to dee him anymore, hes growing up and knows his own mind and see what he says to that. Kinda take the heat off you by just saying no but also make him see his behaviour has caused them not to have a bond. So hopefully this will either cause him to not bother at all (which is not the best) or make him wake up and try harder? Either way tho at least its one or the other?

Leave him to it its him missing out not your son Hun, your son will grow up and realise he's a waste of space and respect you even more for trying xx

Bump

I had so many conversations with him about consistency and Rhys needs stability in his life! I even said if you can't see him regularly you need to call him then! He would say he would do these things then nothing he would never do it! He would agree his family are selfish and that they should bother more too but that's it. What would you do if he contacts and asks to see him?

I don't wanna be out of order and say no but it can't go on like this him seeing him when he doesn't want to and only every few months out of the blue! X

What can you do? Id start by meeting him in person without your son and have a talk, tell him your concerns and ask if he's prepared to fix things. It could be just one of those things thats always going to be dysfunctional but as long as he treats your son fine when he does see him then maybe just requesting him to more 'present' instead of being so on/off the radar (which im sure u have) will be a good place to start x