Just having a bad bad day

Just having a bad bad day

I'm still in the process of losing my fourth little angel, and as I'm sure we have all felt it's just f---- not fair. I lost three before my children and was soooo blessed to have them. I thought we were finally over our troubles. I wasn't even worried about this one for the first time ever. But my dd is only 7mo and I had to stop bf her due to the progesterone I take. I dried up. And then lost this LO anyway. I'm just so sad and so angry at the world. I had to stop feeding my LO the way I wanted, I was ok because it was for baby, but now I feel robbed for nothing. I thought maybe relactating, but dd doesn't want it anymore. It's just another kick me while I'm down moment. And DS asked about baby and was upset because I had to explain LO went back to heaven and tells me "I want another baby. I choose another baby brother". It just broke my heart all over again.