hormonal rant
So my baby is a week old and since we brought her home I've felt like I don't spend enough time with her. We rent a room with my bfs family and I know it's normal for everyone to want to hold her and spend time with her BUT I feel like his mom takes it too far. She wants to have her in her room all the time and she no joke is always telling me I'm doing things wrong. I am already all hormonal and she makes me feel like a bad mom. Then I feel like the bad guy when my bf tells me his mom wants to take her to her room. I know that I should appreciate her helping but it feels like I can't do anything. She makes me pump just so she could have her all day and I really don't breastfeed her because his mom just wants to do everything. Then today his mom kept trying to clean her umbilical chord and she wiped it with a q tip too hard and it came off and started bleeding and it had lots of pus and I had to call the doctor. I feel like she doesn't respect some things I tell her and she shakes them off and ignores me.
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That is just awful you are the mom and you need to bond with your baby especially now. You need time to learn your child and she is not letting you do that. If I were you I would talk to her again and if they make you seem like the bad guy then you know what so be it. They will get over it and come to respect your demands. After you talk to her and she comes in to try to take the baby again just politely tell her no and if she gets mad then let her get mad. Put that foot down and stand your ground. Let her know IF you need a break you will take the baby to her but it won't be all day just a cpl hrs.
"He says it helps and gives me time to do the things I need to do..."
The only thing YOU need to be doing is focusing on nurturing and enjoying your baby! If his mom wants to help other should be when she's ASKED to. People not knowing how to stay in their lane really aggravates me..
I love the way my sil said it:
When I'm here my baby nurses with me. Bottle feeding is only for when I'm at work.
Your baby, your rules. Advice when requested is greatly appreciated.
You are not wrong for feeling the way you feel. The other girls are right, sit down conversation, and highly consider a new living situation.
You are strong, smart, and beautiful. You got this.
I just talked to my BF about it and he said "I am just trying to let everyone enjoy her but okay." He looked kinda sad and a bit hurt because it's his mom, BUT at this point I just want to spend some time with my baby!
After our talk he went to get her and brought her to me so I could breastfeed her. I hope to see change because I'm over this and next time will for sure tell my mil something and it won't be nice.
You are not wrong and you need to share this with her. Hopefully your BF will back you on this too. Let her know you appreciate her help, but that you will come to her when you need it...not the other way around. Good luck & don't let them use the hormonal thing against you. So what if it is, you have a right to be with your baby.
That's disgusting! I'm in shock she has stepped over so many boundaries!
I didn't live with my MIL but I still get anxiety now when we see her because of how she was with my first (she's now 2 1/2).
Don't do what I did and leave it.
My MIL is coming over this weekend to see my son and I'm already freaking out. Say something! Stand up for you and your baby! Or as my friend put it when she was giving me advice 'you gotta grow your mummy balls' lol
But it's not your hormones, that is incredibly wrong what she's doing!
Thats ridiculous!! I lived with my parents the first 3 months of my sons life and my mom was always stealing my son, she would come looking for him so i only got him to feed him since i was bf, but she would take him as soon as i was done and give him back when he was hungry again. I hated it, i felt like i never bonded with my son til he was almost 2 months because all i did was feed him, my mom would rock him, change him, bathe him.. It was ridiculous!
Im sure your mil means well but shes setting you up for failure to bond and get a connection with your baby. You wont get these first few months back so i would put her in her place. I wish i would have said something to my mom but we only lived with then for 3 months so it passed.
MrsL, I know I feel like it's always a struggle to even get my baby. I really do want to move out ASAP. I hate having to ask to see my baby because his moms like "She's sleeping leave her here or what'd you eat today her poop came out weird you need to be more careful what you eat? . ." She wasn't even like this before. I use to get along with her but recently I'm just so annoyed by her.
His mother is INSANE! And you are completely right to feel the way you do. You need to get out of there. My husband and I have the first grand baby for both sides of the family, and my mother in law gives me my space. She lives a few hours away but she retired and still doesn't crowd me. My parents are out of state but even when they visited it was clear to us all that I am Coles mom, and that is priority. Especially in the beginning while breast feeding!! Goodness. Get out of there girl and do it fast. Don't let that woman bogart your child. She has zero rights to do so. Why the heck does your baby EVER need to be in her room?? The living room, okay.. But someone else's bedroom? I don't think so.
Michelle, we have been thinking of moving in with my mom because it's closer to his work and we'd be saving money I hope it's soon. I cry and get mad sometimes because my bf thinks it's okay and he says it gives me time to rest and do things I need todo. . . Yes it's okay for her to have her, but for a while NOT all day.
Lily, yeah I probably will have a talk with them because not even my mom is like that when we visit her and my mom barely sees her and yet his mom sees hee everyday and tries to boss me around and have her all day everyday.
Mahle, I have but I look like the bad guy. My bf usually backs me up and I thank him for doing that but gosh I feel like crying because I understand it's her first grand child but it's an everyday thing now :(
No you're not in the wrong. That's your child you should be feeling that way. Especially a new mom. I'm like a mama bear and always want my child by my side lol how else are you gonna figure out how to be a mommy if your child is never with you? I'd sit down and talk to all of them :)
This is what it was like with my mil with my first baby ive regretted letting her do those things. About a month after my first was born I blew a gasket and told mil off. You need to put your foot down I know you probably want to avoid conflict as you are renting from her but that's your baby and youre the mom you could even walk over take the baby out of her hands and shed have no right to argue it's your baby stop pumping for her stop letting her walk all over you or its going to continue and make you feel worse and make you resent either yourself or your boyfriend she can't do anything about it and with the way she's acting I know there's no way she'd kick you and your baby out. Tell her no you're an adult now