What would you do? - baby shower
SO my mom has been very negative about the baby my entire pregnancy. Especially in the beginning, she said the most HORRIBLE things about me, my DH and my unborn baby. Like that I was making a big mistake, that I was making her 2015 the worst year ever... etc etc. Even when she would do nice things she made me feel like I was a HUGE inconvenience and a burden to her. She told me to definitely NOT expect a shower or anything like that from her. Fine, whatever, I don't need her, I didn't have this baby for her to raise. I'm married, living on my own and paying all my own expenses.
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Your mom sounds like a control freak (sorry couldn't think of another word) . She will be miserable if you have the shower and she will be miserable if you don't have the shower because in the end your still pregnant. Have your shower and enjoy this special time and congrats on your baby .
I'm going through a similar situation. When I told my mother I was pregnant she asked " oh, is this an oops?". It mad me mad because I have been with my fiancé for 7 years, we have another child, our own house, jobs, etc. She came around pretty quickly and bought a few things for the baby for Christmas but won't do any more than that.
OTOH, my in laws are thriller but my fiancess sister doesn't get along with his brothers wife (who is also fighting with his mother). The mother and sister started planning a shower but now the brothers wife is taking over and planning a different one and hasn't said or invited the rest of the family. My fiancé is angry and doesn't want to drive the 5-6hrs if everyone is going to be fighting.
But needless to say we will be going and I'm getting two different showers. It wasn't something I did or asked for it just happened that way. I do feel bad because I wish the family would all come together to celebrate and be happy for us, but it is what it is and I'm NOT going to let it kill the happiness and excitement I have for this joyous time.
Be happy enjoy the time with your family. If someone can't be happy for and with you don't let them bring you down or take anything away from you. Don't cancel!!!! It hurts having family split but you will be SO glad you accept.
Please don't cancel! Your family is putting hard work into planning something to celebrate you and your unborn. Don't spoil that because your mom is being difficult. She has been unsupportive of you your entire pregnancy and you don't need that negativity during such a beautiful time. Don't hurt your families feelings when they've done nothing wrong.
I have a mother like that, sounds very like a narcissistic personality (see online to see if it fits). Its not at all about her, this is your baby, your choices and your shower. You will need as many supportive people round you as possible. If your mother can't be happy for you getting two lovely baby showers (two excuses to celebrate the exciting time) that is her issue. You only have this baby once, make the most of it, surround it with positive attitudes. You have to put you and your new family first. Good luck, I know from experience it isn't easy with a selfish parent x
Since your mom didn't even really throw the first one and half assed it I'd let your family throw another one. Not to mention, you'll get more stuff for the baby. Your mom was s*** ty to you and your family, since they went even invited. I'd feel bad for them and just let them throw one to be happy. Your mom sounds like she just wants you to be miserable. I'd think that a good grandmother for your child would want you to get as much as you can for your lo.
@pp She makes comments about his "culture" and how my baby is going to suffer coming from "two cultures." ?
It's irrelevant to this post, but she's a bit racist.
My best friend has a mother like yours, everything is about her and she constantly talks negatively about my friend.
I will give you the advice I gave her: I know your mom is important to you because she's your mom but it sounds like all she does is hurt your feelings. You need to distance yourself from that negativity, I'm not saying don't see her ever but you need to make your own life without involving her as much.
It is so important that you stay healthy mentally and it does not sound like she is helping you with that.
I would go for the shower, it sounds like your family really loves you!! Enjoy yourself and remember that you cannot control how your mom feels, she's the only one who can do that.
What????!!!! Why does your mom sound so...cold towards you? She has no right to be upset about something nice somebody else wants to do for YOU. I say you do not cancel that shower that is so crappy of her to try and talk you into canceling it seriously. ? I would never treat any of my children like that in a million years what is wrong with her?
Do NOT cancel!! Also don't take this the wrong way but you're a mama bear now and its your duty to protect your little one! If your mom is this negative she's probably ALWAYS been this negative do you really want your baby hearing her negative thoughts? My mom was unsupportive and that was fine it was her choice but once she brought my son into it she was no longer allowed around me or my son! I went through my entire pregnancy without her and at my baby shower I made sure everyone knew not to invite her and she wasn't allowed their. She didn't meet my son until he was already almost 3 months and that's because she finally decided to grow up and be a grandma! Just something to think about
Your mom sounds like the kind of person who would never be happy- regardless of what you do to please her or get her approval.
Your family wants to celebrate you and the child you've created, let them!!! And enjoy it!! You've worked hard and created a great life for your family. You deserve to be happy ?
Thank you ladies. It's true, I do want her approval. But does seem ridiculous to cancel a party for my child because it upsets her.
I understand as a daughter you may want her approval, but you may never get it. Clearly she has unresolved issues that you can't help her with. You're a grown married woman, taking care of a family. You deserve a nice shower, pity or not. What the enemy meant for evil, God meant for good. See the good in this situation and leave your mother to her negativity.
Screw your mom's feelings. Imagine this, you're scrolling through baby bump and read a post just like this. Would you encourage someone else to cancel?? Your mom is being ridiculous. She is obviously envious about something she's lacking that you are not. She went out of her way to tell you she didn't want to do the first "shower" but now all of a sudden she wants to take credit because the rest of your family wants to participate in celebrating your baby? She's trying to manipulate you into thinking that it's a "pity shower" just to try to ruin it for you. Until your mom learns to respect your feelings then Don't throw away a great shower for her feelings. She's not supportive of you, your marriage, or your baby. So why would you care her feelings? She sounds like an a--.
Don't you dare cancel the shower! People LOVE you and want to support you. Those are the people you need to be getting behind, not a woman who's treated you like garbage. Embrace your extended family. Your mom is an adult and can make her choice. If she chooses not to embrace you and your family she isn't someone you need in your life.
I'm so sorry she's putting you through this. You don't deserve it. ?
Also, that's her grand baby!!!! How cruel! I got pregnant at 18 and my mom had a hard time swallowing it but she LOVES my children more than me and she was NOT nasty to me!! Screw that lady! Have a baby shower and shove your success in her face. She didn't even throw the first shower.. sucks to be her.
Why would you cancel something that others are excited for, for someone who clearly doesn't care about your feelings. Her feelings don't take priority. Mother or not, if she is a negative influence, she doesn't deserve to be a part of any of it. Go to the shower for YOU, and enjoy the love you should have got the first time around.
Sometimes we have to do what's best for us. I understand because I have an overbearing mother but this is your first baby and this should be a happy and exciting time for you. It doesn't sound like a pity shower is being thrown but that your family really wants to celebrate your baby.
Enjoy the shower and your mom will just have to get over it. Tell her that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and you find it extremely rude to cancel on your family.
It doesn't sound like she cares about your feelings, so why care about hers? And it obviously isn't the first time she hasn't cared from what it sounds like. She's trying to turn something that should be happy and exciting into something sad and upsetting for you. I think it would be unfair to yourself and the rest of your family who seems to care if you cancelled the shower. She's being extremely immature in my opinion. Go to your baby shower, enjoy yourself and most importantly, celebrate your baby!
No you shouldn't cancel, especially when she claims she didn't even actually DO anything for your first one. It sounds like she wants to be able to claim she did one so she looks good, but only did the bare minimum. You let your supportive family go right on ahead, if your mom has a problem she can stay home and sulk. You don't have to spend your life coddling someone who is being so unnecessarily hateful. She'll get over it, or she won't. It's not your job to make her happy.
I dont think its a pity shower at all for you. It sounds like your family truly cares and wants to do something for your new little family to be. I dont think anything you do will make your mum happy atmo. Fact is this baby is on the way no matter what she thinks or feels. And her feelings are on her not you. She has to learn to deal with it and the fact things are not how she planed it for you. Doesn't make it wrong that things didnt go as she wanted just different. Shes not ready to step up to that. You cant put your life on hold till shes ready. My mil felt mostly the same way when i was pregnant. It was all about her and what was right for her and how she felt and wanted. Falling pregnant and being blessed with a child is about you and your husband and thoes who wish to be apart of the celebration and joy of a new family member. Right now your mum refuses to be apart of that. So i say have the shower and enjoy it. Hopefully your mum will come around before the shower ir after your child is here. But dont put your life on hold for her. She needs to step up not you wait for her to be ready. Good luck!
There is no way I would cancel. She is being really selfish and hurtful. I would rather surround myself with people that love and support my family and the new baby rather than someone that is being forced to give you a shower. You deserve to be happy about your pregnancy. She will definitely get over it.
I'm Speechless... This breaks my heart... I literally have No Family so of course having a baby shower is out of the question BUT If I did have family and they wanted to do this for me I wouldn't let anybody ruin or spoil my day... The only family I have are really the only ones I Love and Truly Care About, My SO, My DS, and My DD... DO NOT CANCEL IT do it for me ?
IDK she kind of made me feel like it was going to be a pity shower, like the huge one that was thrown for my cousin who was 18 and single.
BUT you know what? My life is AWESOME. If anyone pities me that is totally about them. I'm happy and my DH is super successful.
But I can't decide whose feelings I would rather upset. I feel like it's a lose lose. :(
Honestly, you'll be hurting your mom's feelings or your other family members. Personally, I would want to celebrate with *all* of my family that could be there so I would do the second shower. Enjoy you and your baby with family. Unless the drama with your mom would kill your fun. Just do what makes you happy. :)
She's mad because I'm not 28, married for 2 years with a high paying job. Oh and with a husband who is rich, white and has no kids and has never been married.
She doesn't think being 22, having a bachelor's degree and being married for 6 months (together for 4 years) is good enough.
She can be a big girl & suck it up. You're family are doing something nice for you, celebrating this little life you're bringing into the world. How can that be seen as a negative thing?
I don't understand at all what your mums problem is but screw that, she can sulk in peace while you go off & have some fun with supportive family!
No screw your moms feelings, she seems like anytime she sees you she's trying to hurt yours. Have a big fun baby shower with your family that is excited for you!