I mean cousins of opposite sex is a little iffy you know but brothers and sisters is idk in my family it's ok considering we're all girls like my cousins and I took showers up until we were 9 and started hitting puberty and it got weird ? but idk I guess because we're all girls I would never shower with my boy cousin even if he's a lot younger it's just weird ?

Not my bio son, my stepson. Trust me, this shat NEVER would have gone this far if it was my kid. I'm very sensitive when things are "off" and like to nip it in the bud.

I had a talk with the 5 year old today about being naked around other people. I told him his body is private and he needs to shower alone and dress himself alone. He seemed to get it.

My DH also talked to his sister this evening. Not sure if he brought it up, but they talked for a long time.

I don't feel that it's acceptable because like pps have said by 12 you're going through puberty or you at least know far more than a 5 year old.

But I also agree with pp saying it's more of a society thing and how you were brought up and what you feel is right or wrong.

In some places people go naked all day and night and it's what's normal. Families bathe together because they have to.

However, that's not our society so it does seem strange and if you are truly feeling that something is not innocent you should speak up for the 5 year old. Good luck and I pray this is just something innocent and nothing more!

Hold on... is the 5 year old your son and the 12 year old his cousin?

Nope, wouldn't be comfortable with that at all.

Yes it's weird. If they were 5&6/7 okay but older than that nah.

If they are brother and sister then yes I think it's fine.

My mom would always throw us (me and my brother) in the shower at the same time.

I think it's weird and after reading your comments I'll play the other side here. My DHs younger sister (is my age) and she was EXTREMELY attached to DH when we were dating, I thought it was so creepy. We went on a vacation with his family once and she would try and kiss him goodnight ? one night we went to bed before everybody else and she snuck in after he was asleep (I hadn't fallen asleep and she didn't realize it) and she tucked him in ? and several other strange instances I could name... DH has always hated how touchy feely his sister is but every time he would say something his parents would get pissed because his sister "had no bad intentions".. But their family is super weird, they know no personal boundaries. To me, it's super strange and creepy but to them it's just normal behavior. Though, I think the behavior you're describing is strange, it may be normal and completely harmless to them.

@pp from what I can tell she is a developmentally appropriate 12 year old.

There is not a single person on this board who thinks this is acceptable. I really don't understand why DH and SIL don't see anything wrong. DH has agreed to talk to SIL about the nudity but I feel this goes a lot farther than that. The sleepovers, the private time, the crying for hours after leaving her...

I hope when school starts we can just be "much too busy" to see them.

Dude no way. I had boobs and a period at 11.....and five year olds are curious. That would never be ok

When I was 12 there was no way in hell I would shower with my 5 year old brother. Something seems off. Does she have developmental delays?

I agree they have an unhealthy attachment. I think I'm going to ask dh to come back to counseling with me. What concerns me MOST is my DH's attitude. I want him to protect our children.

No I wouldn't. It doesn't matter the situation. I won't let my sons 11 year old sister bathe with him. Someone once told me my head must be a scary place because of it but I don't like it end of story. I would not feel ok with it and I wouldn't allow it to happen.

Seems odd to me.. but I have 1 boy and 2 girls as of right now 1 on way.and I never let my kids bathe or dress in front of each other unless it's the girls. I've always said boys and girls are different so they need to dress privately my son and daughters understand.

No absolutely not. Imo once little boys an girls are around 5-6 they should stop bathing together siblings or not its still weird.

Umm gross

From your comment something is definitely not right. The bad thing is since the dad things nothing of it. You have to try to find a way to make him see it. I would think because of what he went through he would be more careful and paranoid about things like that. I would keep a really close eye on them.

From what you're saying, sexual abuse is coming into my mind.. what if the girl is sexual abusing the little boy? And maybe he doesn't really understand what's going on. I'm sorry if that's too much, but if that was happening around me, that would be my first thought.

No I don't

No. 12 year old is too old for taking shower together with anyone. Her body is already developing. But it would be ok for her to give shower to 5 year old provided she is dressed. I used to give my younger brothers shower when I was around that age but I was always fully dressed.

^ I know I'm being dramatic but I have always felt their relationship goes FAR past normal or healthy limits.

I was extremely close to my brother, who was 4 years younger, and I would never dream of acting like they do. We would cuddle on the couch while watching TV, but NEVER shower or go to the bathroom together. Certainly not after puberty.

I asked her mom about it and she literally acted like it was no big deal and they did it all the time. My DH reiterated this. I feel like they have no concept of normal healthy boundaries. I'm not sure about my SIL but I know my DH was violently sexually abused. ?

No....

@bree yes I have posted about this before and yes I'm the only one in my in laws family who thinks it's bizarre. They let the 5 year old be alone with his cousin for hours. They also sleep in the same bed. He cries for DAYS after a sleepover because he "misses her so much."

I swear that one day someone is going to catch them having sex and that's the only way anyone will believe me. ?

I wouldn't allow my daughter to shower with someone else 7 years older or younger than she is.

As someone else said, surely a 12 year old wants privacy? At that age I was embarrassed to change for PE in front of classmates (at an all-girls school!)

I think it depends on how close they are. I'm sure very soon she will become self conscious and not want to anymore and it will no longer be something you need to think about.

I was 12 turning 13 when I started high school. There's no way I would have been comfortable bathing with my 5 year old relative.

Maybe I have an innocent mind but I really don't think it's weird. They are family and they are children. I'm not really sure what you think is going on. I'm almost positive that it won't be going on much longer. Once kids start hitting puberty they want total independence. If both kids seem comfortable I see nothing wrong. I would of course not leave any five year old unattended even with a 12 year old watching. If they aren't being supervised I think that's the real problem.

No

NO

Not in the tub together.

Now if she was just washing him up, then that would be fine.

No. I would think a 12 yr old girl would want privacy.

No they already know a few things by that age

I wouldn't allow it. I have a 5 year old son and a 12 year old niece and wouldn't let them shower or bathe together

No way! Totally inappropriate. I had pubic hair, started developing breasts and started my period at 12. I would not be comfortable with this, family or not.

No. Not normal related or not.

I'm sorry that's weird

No. Once puberty starts ,or is close to starting I think its inappropriate.

Even being brother and sister, I still find it icky.

Not normal at all.

Yes. Very weird.

Didn't you already ask about this? Shes your stepsons cousin right and is wierdly obsessed with him. And you think something is wrong with her.

Eta: it seems like you have had a weird feeling about if for a while now. Are you the only one that feels this way? Or other family member do too?

By 12 years of age my daughter was screaming bloody murder if her brothers even dared open the bathroom door let alone shower with her ?

If it's brother and sister I don't think that's wrong. Depends on how often.

Cousins? Uh no

Edit: ok I read that wrong. I thought as in give the 5 yr old a shower. Not be in there together. Yeah nope!! That's not happening.

No. My daughter is almost 12 and well into puberty. She won't change in front of anyone much less shower with a 5 yr old.

No way! Don't let this happen under your roof!

Children talk! You don't want the kids going to school talking about it.

Uhm no...

umm nope..that's a little weird..

No

Not brother and sister. Cousins.

Yes she is developing breasts. I'm not sure if she has started her period yet.

DH was acting like this was 100% normal. I was starting to feel crazy.

Definitely not ok in my book

No.

No I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

I would not be comfortable with that in any situation.

I need more info. Are they brother and sister? Is she helping him bathe because mom or dad or guardian is busy? Has she hit puberty?

I have a younger brother and I remember being around 10ish or so and having my little brother in the tub with me when my parents divorced. He didn't like the way dad bathed him and if I was on the outside of the tub he would just cry and try to get out, so I would just end up getting in with him. I didn't really think anything weird about it.

ummmm ... no.

people may have different opinions, but i get an 'icky' feeling too.