Sometimes I don't want to be a mom
I'm sitting in my room folding laundry, the washer, dryer, and dishwasher all running in the back. My oldest is in the living room watching toy story while my youngest is in the kitchen standing on his chair in front of the refrigerator drinking water straight from the dispenser. He slept well last night except for the random yelling in the middle of the night. I still haven't showered. I run my fingers through my hair and feel it greasy, "that's right I gotta shower and get ready before I have to go into town in a couple hours" i think to my self. I begin to think of some other random things when my thoughts are interrupted by the constant yelling of "mom" by both my kids. I look around the room and the kitchen. It's a mess. Regardless of the fact that I had just cleaned it. My husband will be home and see the mess. Once again think that I don't do anything around the house. Sometimes I don't want to be a mom. When I look at the careless girl walking in the store. Looking at things for herself. Sometimes I don't want to be a mom, when I remember I only have one good bra. Sometimes I don't want to be a mom when I am so mentally and emotionally drained and exhausted i can't even remember my own thoughts. Sometimes i don't want to be a mom when I say I'm a stay at home mom to an old friend who's now doing what I always wanted to do. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm not fit to be a mother. Maybe I'm the worlds worst mother. I feed my kids, dress them, try and raise them as a good addition to the world, I love them. I tell them they are my everything. And yet deep inside. Sometimes I don't want to be a mom. And it kills me inside every single day.
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Your not a bad mother I have these feelings constantly. And everyday I get up dress two little people, feed them, & tend to their every need. I go to bed exhausted & wake up tired but ready to do it again. Your not horrible your human & your doing your job everyday. You just need a break momma but even with a break you'll always have those feelings it's normal.
In my opinion you are a really good writer. You sound like you have highly developed intellectual skills that need an outlet. Right now the work you do at home, and the conversations you have with your small kid do nothing to satisfy you intellectually.
Negotiate with your SO to get one hour to yourself every other day, starting from when he returns from work. Leave the house and take some paper with you. Start writing. Maybe you have an idea for a book. Or you write down your thoughts and dreams.
Look out for book clubs at your local library, attend meetings of likeminded adults. Have real conversations with adults. It will improve your quality of life 100%. Plus you will start to look forward to your SO returning from work ?
I'm a working mom and until 3 months ago I was going it all on my own. I had days where I felt like this, working then coming home to a needy 2 year old only to have to cook, clean, and get him in bed before I could sit down it work be 10pm before I got off my feet. Doing that 6 days a week really took a mental toll on me I would cry every night feeling completely helpless. I needed a break and more support and thankfully I was able to get that and now I feel like a "normal" mommy And I'm able to watch my son grow without all the stress. It's ok don't feel bad just try and take break and reset.
Girl I'm with you. I feel this way so much. I'm a horrible mom to my children. I suck at it so bad. I was never meant to be a mother. I never had that amazing bond women always talk about and how they loved their children at first sight...I know that my children would be better off without me. Hell, everyone in my life would be better off without me. But I'm here and there's nothing I can do about that so I just try to suck it up and pretend. I feel like every morning when I get up, I step into a suit and zip it up and no one can see the real me behind it. It fools everyone into thinking I've got my life put together when in reality I'm just slowly dying on the inside.
Thank you ladies i appreciate the support and to know I'm not alone.
This is such a real and raw post, I was crying while reading it. I feel this way at times. More than I'm going to admit on here. Your not a bad mother, your HUMAN. Everyone needs a break to refresh, rewind, and do things for themselves. If you don't, you'll lose you. My fiancé works 60-70 hour weeks, doesn't get home till 930 or later so I'm often alone with a very hyper 2 year old boy and 23 weeks pregnant and I feel exactly like you do a lot. My fiancé could never understand how rambunctious, hyper, and get into EVERYTHING our son is until yesterday when he took him with him to get food and he showed his true little self FINALLY to daddy. He's usually good for daddy but not yesterday lol he came home and actually apologized for ever doubting that I don't do enough all day. Does dad ever take the kiddos for you? It's so important to have time to yourself, or you may just break. Hugs
I'm with you. I'm a Sahm with 4 little ones and one on the way. Everyday is the same. My DH goes to work, school, gym, occasionally he'll go out with friends and I stay home with the kids. This is my decision, I chose to be home to raise my children, I chose to have a big family but that doesn't make me any less human. I still fight loneliness, even with children everywhere I turn, I still fight the fact that sometimes I feel slightly envious at the fact that my DH has a social life and I don't. I still fight that feeling I get when I just wanna give up and crawl under the blanket for three days, I still get mad when I spend a whole day cleaning just to turn around and do it all over tomorrow because 4 kids and a husband can't pick up after themselves. I clean just to cook, then cook just to clean ?. At the same time I wouldn't trade a thing! My children are everything to me and I feel extremely blessed that I am privileged to stay home and never miss a moment! Your not a bad mom, your human. ?
I feel like I could've written this myself at one point. I have days like this where I just want to run away-- not permanently, but just to take time to be by myself and not have other people rely on me all day every day. I totally understand how you feel, and I know for a fact that the majority of mothers in this world have felt the exact same way at one point or another regardless of how well they try to hide it or how perfect their lives may seem on social media. You're not a horrible mom and you are definitely not alone. Hugs, momma. ❤️
I think all moms have either felt this way, or will feel this way at some point. You're not a bad mom, you actually sound far from it. You're human. You should take some time to yourself. Tell your husband you need a break. Go to a coffee shop and read a book. Go to the movies and order the biggest tub of popcorn they have! Go get your nails or hair done. Go the the gym and run! Or heck, go to target and walk around for an hour while sipping a Starbucks. We've all been there momma, I've heard it gets easier.. I personally haven't seen it firsthand yet, but I'm still holding on to that hope! Hugs ☺️
This doesn't make you a bad mum, this just makes you human, we all feel it, but you don't get this time again, being able to stay at home with your children is a gift, it's roller coaster but for each day like this something amazing happens too to bring you back and you realise why you do it, tomorrow is a new day mama xx
I think this is just real. Does not make you a horrible mom whatsoever. A lot of people are fake and like to act like having kids is just all rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it can be scary and messy and I think it is better to talk about it. Does not mean you don't love your kids or that they aren't your world, it just means that you are human and need a break every once in awhile. ((Hugs))
Definitely not alone! And definitely not a bad mom! So many of us can relate to this. I'm a sahm, I love my son and wouldn't trade him for a thing. There are many days I don't want to mom.. Many days I just want to go on vacation alone. Enjoy time to myself without hearing, "Mom, mom, mommy!"
It's so hard. It breaks me down. I lose my sanity. It's worth it, though. I have absolutely no idea what I'd do without my little guy.
You are not a horrible mom and you are not alone in feeling like that occasionally. I'm guilty of not wanting to be a mom sometimes. Honestly more times than I want to admit but it doesn't mean I don't love my kids or that I don't want my kids. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed and need a break which I rarely get. Sounds like you need a break too. Hugs momma I hope you get a break soon.
I think you just need to feel like more than just a mom, that's my issue right now, I don't feel young and pretty like I used to, I don't feel like my SOs girl anymore, I don't feel like I am anything but a mom and it's sometimes depressing as hell.. I love my kids but damn I miss me sometimes!