I feel guilty as well... I'm 16weeks along my two oldest are in school and we are trying to get his daughter outta fostercare due to mothers bad choices. I lost my job due to first trimester sickness and mood swings. Figured it would make more sense to stay home for summer instead of paying daycare for three kids. Then kids go back to school in September and I'm due to have baby in October. Loks like I'll be a sahm till January maybe longer....

Nope, I think sometimes he feels guilty that he is gone so much. He always says he doesn't know how I keep my sanity staying home all the time. He is military and just finished his Master's degree so he is always busy. He can't sit still even if he wanted to though so he would hate to be a stay at home parent. (Not that I sit still, just that we are at home a lot)

I don't I work my ass off for my family everyday I cook I clean I do Landry all day take care of the kids being a stay at home mom is a lot of work I'm the first one up in the morning and the last one in bed every night

I'm up all day long no breaks

So to the one who feel they don't do nothing all day long you are so very wrong about that.....

I used to feel guilty when I was just a stay at home dog mom?and pregnant but since we had our daughter, she will be 1 in a few days I haven't felt guilty ever. But hubby is great about telling me how much he respects me for staying home and doing what I do. Hubby works 5 days a week, 12 hour shifts and is finishing up his degree full time. He barely ever has a break and usually comes home to a messy house. He never once says anything if dinner isn't cooked or the sink is filled with dishes for the 3rd day in a row. I'm pregnant and have been feeling terrible so he tells me to nap with our daughter as often as I can. For us childcare is expensive in our area and before I stayed home I worked as a licensed veterinary technician and you make crap for money so it isn't really worth paying for childcare. Our plan before I got pregnant with our first was for me to stay home. He wanted that from the beginning as well as I. When I did feel guilty we would talk about why and he would always assure me that it was important for him that I stay home and be with our children, that my job was more important and if all I did all day was play, care for and teach our child/children, it was a great day.

Leave him home with the kids and I bet you he won't say anything anymore. Trust me, after 15-30 mins he will be calling you. Guys don't get it. They need to STFU when it comes to us SAHM, its hard work, we are in charge of our kids emotional & physical well being and we are shapeing and teaching them how to become the best person they can be. It takes lots of patience, tears, improvising, hits and miss, feeling hopeless when tantrems enrupt, BUT we can do it bc WE are doing the most IMPORTANT job in their lives. You matter. Don't ever feel useless, you are doing sooooo much!!! ***Iam also a SAHM to my 2 girls and sometimes I just want to work so I can get 2 Uninterrupted breaks and a lunch and feel like myself again, BUT I know Iam doing the most important job, to mold and shape my kids and make sure the house is not on fire. As long as kids are fed and the house is still standing, you did your job!!! Seriously, leave him w the kids n go run a errand, he will be nicer in the future.

I'm on the other side of the fence here. I work full time plus over time. My DH is the stay at home parent to our 2 children as well as my 2 step sons. So 4 kids. I would hate it if he felt guilty for that! Seriously it's more the other way around... I feel guilty that he has to do everything with the kids, all the appointments, school pick ups, etc. I feel guilty that I'm not home all the time to help, so I help when I get home and before I leave the very best that I can.

Mostly I feel guilty for my kids. I feel guilty that I'm always at work, that I miss their appointments, that I miss their football training, that I miss their milestones. I am so jealous of my DH being a stay at home parent.

Don't feel guilty...it sounds like he is gone a lot due to work/school so he probably has no clue how hard it is to take care of kids day in and day out, on top of cooking and cleaning!!!

Stay at home mom is alot of work though

The only time I ever feel guilty about being a sahw soon to be SAHM, is when I talk to my mom. She has the single mom concept stuck in her brain that I should take care of everything AND work full time. Not down playing the moms who do that but dh and I have the opportunity for me to be a SAHM and I wouldn't have it any other way. Dh never down plays my staying home and actually helps lift up my spirits whenever I have a bad day. I could talk to my mom on how awesome and productive my day was and she'd still see it as 'oh she just sits on her @$$' or 'oh your tired? I had to get up at 6am and blah blah blah' ?.

But hey, she's the one who's unhappy about her current situation so she can go kick rocks lol

I don't feel guilty. I appreciate how hard he works and that I have the opportunity to be a sahm but honestly some days it is harder than I ever imagined it would be. It's exhausting, non stop, physically and mentally draining. It's amazing that I can be with my kids all the time and watch them grow but I do find it hard work.

I don't feel guilty at all. While he's out busting his butt at work I'm doing the same thing at home.

I don't feel guilty at all, my SO would rather work then be a SAHD we tried it last summer & ugh I doubt he'd do it again..

I don't feel guilty, I feel that being a sahm is just as hard work as any other regular "man " job! Being a mom is basically having a three shift job!!

I don't feel guilty, but sometimes I do feel jealous.

Kinda, but more because he is responsible financially.. The kids are a lot of work. Someday a I do because I still get to be home and have lazy days, and take naps with them. He's a hard worker though, always has been, even before me or our kids. So I don't feel like he works any harder because of us.

I dented my previous comment because it came across wrong.

Yes I do feel guilty. I want to feel appreciated. I don't. I feel like if I made money I'd be appreciated....he doesn't understand. But it's what we chose so that's what I have to deal with.

I feel the exact same way as OP. My SO sometimes makes stupid comments that make me so mad. Like "I'll trade you places any day, you'd come home to a spotless house". Like I sit around doing nothing all day. Sorry that the house works gets put off because I have 3 kids that want my constant attention. Ugh!! You are not alone.

[Edited to conform with ToU ~CorrinaCommunityManager]

i do feel guilty sometimes. where i live, it's a tough time right now and everything is so expensive. i feel guilty that he has to carry the financial burden alone. but this is what we both prefer for now, me staying at home to care for our child.

Nope, I don't. He doesn't make me feel guilty about it either. Being a SAHM is exhausting.

You can stop doing what you do and let him walk home to you really doing "nothing" all day. I'm sure his mind will change.

No. Being a sahm is hard freaking work. It is 24-7, with little and even no help sometimes. But I love it, and I appreciate him more then ever for being able to give me the opportunity. Even if it's no longer an option with DD.

I only feel guilty when I spend the day playing the Sims and watching movies with DS when there's a pile of laundry that needs to be done.....otherwise, it's HARD WORK being a SAHM! Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, errands, changing a thousand diapers a day, remembering to eat, finding time to pee, having a tiny person scream at you because you can't figure out what in the world they want! Sometimes it drives me nearly insane. DH knows how emotionally and physically exhausting it can be, and is so so understanding when I have a lazy day.

Blue, remind him of that convo... Kindly... And then stick him with the kids for a FULL day. Something you HAVE to do came up. ? He will understand then!

I am going to be the mean one here but when SAHM's say that they feel guilty for not earning money and not working hard as their partner, I don't understand. You have to see your own worth. If you both were working, you will be paying lot more in daycare. You both will be tired, house might be a mess, might have to bring in more take outs and then it all ends up being same. When you are SAHM and supporting your family, you are working as hard as your partner to keep everything organized and run smoothly. You are doing what's in best interest of your family. I used to have great career and got laid off when I had my first child. I never went back but I really wanted to because I miss my independence. However, last year I got this management opportunity which I have worked my career towards that position and I declined it. Even though I was going to bring another 60k to the table. It wasn't worth for me to put my daughter in childcare and go through all the hassle. I wanted to be a mom first. But even though I am at home everyday, I don't cook these 3 course meals everyday. Somedays we eat out because I am a human and I get tired too. I do my duty to raise a child and run a household 24/7 and I need my effing break.

Same. My husband never makes me feel guilty but I do. We only have one child but I don't have a degree and I feel like I should be doing more.

-Britt we kind of did. He always said he wanted to be the one who worked and have me home with the kids. I just don't think he realized how hard it is at times.

I can't wait for when I'm a SAHM. It will be a big adjustment to my independent nature but I'll be taking care of our son and keeping our house tidy.

I will not feel bad at all. Lol. If dh ever wants to stay home while I go get the money that's fine with me. But we can't do both... Not right now :/

Not at all. Not only does my husband, NEVER, make me feel bad for it, but I'm clearly very busy when he's home. So he sees how much I do at home. Not to mention, he comes home and does a whole lot of NOTHING. ? So I don't feel bad, even a tiny bit.

Don't feel bad op. You're pulling your weight. Did you guys discuss you staying home before you had children?

Never. We are a team and both contribute to the well being of our family equally.. Just in different ways :) he brings the bacon and I care for our twins, (with our third almost here) cook and keep the house in order. I'm just as beat as he is after the day is through.

No, I don't. I don't identify with working (away from the home) during the early years of childhood unless financially necessary and so staying at home is more important to me than a career. Spending 24/7 being physically and emotionally responsible for another little human is hard work but I think it's important, nothing to feel guilty about.

I feel totally guilty.

This week dfs been working 7am-3am with a two hour break for dinner/to see ds because s*** at work is going haywire & he's the head developer. He literally has been doing nothing but sleeping and working and most days doesn't even eat until evening.

Meanwhile, I've between spending my days biking, at the beach, shopping. At the park everyday.. Yeah I clean, cook and care for D but damn my life is easy.

I feel bad ?

He always says he couldn't do it without me and blah blah and wants me home with ds, but I feel bad I'm not contributing financially. He tells me since he makes about 5x what I would make he'd rather just work and have me hold down the fort. I recently went to of town without ds for a week and he told me I did a lot everyday ??

But he always helps around the house and with ds when he's not working

I feel guilty when I have the summer off because even though it is a lot of work to stay home, it's harder to go to work and try and fit everything in before bedtime. I feel like I have no excuse for not having a spotless house and dinner made if I've been home all day.

Eta: I didn't mean for this to come off as rude as it did. The truth is, id rather work than clean and cook. But, I love time with my Little Man, so I wouldn't change our summer for the world. 3 more weeks!!

Nope, not at all. We were together for 15 years before I became a sahm. We decided that with our last child I would stay home. When he starts school I will start working again. I'm enjoying it!

No. I constantly hear how he barely had any work that day. Gets to go to lunch with his friends at work and I'm home cleaning all day and practically in tears sometimes because I don't know what my screaming toddler wants sometimes.

Also I would LOVE to be working in my career but that has been extremely hard to accomplish because I have no one to watch my son and daycare isn't an option financially and I also don't even feel comfortable with him going to one even if we could afford it

@yessi he sometimes implies I don't do enough. He wants the house 100% picked up all the time. He will help at times but cause he's mad and it's what he does when mad. But with a one year old and 4 year old they never stop. We are also in the process of moving and there's boxes and crap where I'm trying to get things packed.

Why do you feel this way? Does he tell you that you don't do enough? I feel that sometimes people who work, don't really appreciate how much work goes into maintaining a home especially if you have small children. Hopefully he can see how much you do.

Nope, I don't feel guilty, but I have 4 children and they are a lot of work. While he's resting playing games I work cleaning and cooking, while he works I keep working at home and taking care of the kids. By the time he's home I'm either still working or just finished with everything. I also make our stuff at home though. Like shampoos and all soaps. I also bake and sell banana bread on occasion.