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gullible.the.dinosaur
gullible.the.dinosaur
Мама троих детей

Worst anniversary ever. Today is my 6 year anniversary with my SO. We don't have a babysitter or any extra money right…

Worst anniversary ever.

Today is my 6 year anniversary with my SO. We don't have a babysitter or any extra money right now since he stays home with the kids and I just went back to work from my (unpaid) maternity leave. We had planned just to stay in together, put out phones away, and spend time without any distractions.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

He sounds EXTREMELY depressed, I would actually be pretty concerned about him. He sounds like he's giving up on life, which obviously is the first step towards suicidal ideation. I'm not sure how you'd be able to get him to go to the doctor to be diagnosed, but I would be very worried about him

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deleted-user

deleted-user

Ugh im such a B**** when it comes to that kind of thing.. fiancee loves his games but when it gets to the point that he ignores me, which come on hes a man of course he does, i turn his game off i dont give a ****.. he bugs the crap out of me and licks my face when he wants attention from me, so when i want attention and am not getting it from him his game will be taken away after i ask him to turn it off, i will count to 3, and thats it. I feel like i have to treat him like a child sometimes but at least it works for me even if he is a little upset about "not ssving the game before you turned it off".

If you asked him to spend time with you in advance he better spend time with you, i would be so hurt by what he said and 100%would turn his game off and be like NO we are going to talk about ths right now so you know how i feel, and maybe after we are done ill let you play again. But probably not

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deleted-user

deleted-user

GAMES ARE FOR CHILDREN. GROW UP AND BE A MAN

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deleted-user

deleted-user

Sounds VERY similar. Not about me but a very good friend. It's how everyone knows he's back to cheating on her. They have two kids together and aren't married though.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

I don't have any advice to offer, just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

I agree with the others, he is depressed. He can't see a future worth working towards and you can't really make him, but you can try to help him. His gaming is his way of blocking out the reality that he is depressed about, it's his escape, but it's a bandaid unfortunately. Good luck, I hope he comes through it for you all.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

My reply to him saying he hasn't chance to play his game would have been 'well tough s*** you had your chance'. I understand you're feeling hurt but in the nicest possible way, you were pretty spineless in this situation. If you want him to get off the game put your foot down and tell him. Also, it's not just your job to sort the house and kids out, you're not his mum.

When my oh is being lazy and not getting off his game a very blunt "don't f*** ing bother" usually makes it clear I am super pissed off. And then he does bother.

It sounds like he's kinda checked out, I dunno if it's temporary but it doesn't really matter. His attitude towards you and your family sucks, there's no excuse for it.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

He's depressed. Now, you can listen to the ladies here telling you to leave him. Or you can be his partner and figure out how to help. I am very personally biased in this, because I think Leaving someone for going through mental health problems is kinda crappy to do.

He is in a low point. He has turned to apathy and cynicism to get him through the day. I know, I did it for a long time too. But you have a choice to make. You can stand with your mentally sick husband (in sickness and health and all that) or you can leave. Leaving may help him "snap out of it", or it could push him further into depression.

And I'm going to be honest, I see a lot of discussion about how you feel, and not a lot of discussion on your interpretation of his feelings. Because it's probably hard on him to go from providing towards the house to being stuck at home with no job, forcing his partner to come off mat leave early, and feeling like a failure constantly with the "you suck" letters of rejection for jobs.

Now, all of this doesn't invalidate that what he said was crappy, but honestly, I think he's sick. I think he's sick and needs a wife to help. He needs an optimist, one strong enough to stand against his cynicism right now. Because right now, it doesn't seem like he's strong enough to do that for himself.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

Cant believe he said he doesnt even care about you.

Doesn't acknowledge you or give you the time of day just plays games and doesnt even say happy anniversary.

If he was my partner i would leave him. No kidding i have been with a man who tret me horribly and it was bull s*** . I would be asking if he wants to fix the relationship or walk away.

What an absolute bum hole he is being to you right now.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

I think he has depression issues from being out of work. My husband has gone through this and the things your husband said are the same things I have heard from my husband! Don't take his responses to heart, but try to push him to get help. It's not easy with guys because they hate admitting something is wrong. You guys can get through this, maybe try googling depression in spouses to get some better ideas on how to help him.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

Sounds like you had 3 kids with a child. I'm sorry.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

This makes my heart ache so much for you. I am so sorry. I think he's feeling very low about himself and it is causing him to be ugly towards you. You don't deserve that and I hope that he realizes that before it is too late. I think that he may need help with his depression. Also just to put this out there, corporate Uhaul hires people to work from home taking calls for sales and reservations and for their claims side. Maybe it is a gig he could look into if he is running into dead ends there. Just something to hold him over and get him through electrician school. Hope things look up. I am sorry Hun, I wish I could hug you.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

He sounds depressed. I'm sorry Hun. I hope he agrees to get the help he needs.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

I'm so sorry he is being this way. Maybe seeing a therapist together may help.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

Is it possible that he is depressed?

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deleted-user

deleted-user

That's hurtful im sorry. I would Make him leave then if he dosnt care it might be his wake up call he needs. The way i see it is he can sit and feel sorry for himself or he'll want to change for his family. But you dont need that you love him i understand but something needs to change and it doesn't seem like he cares anymore. You could try counseling but i don't think he'll go for it.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

I just want to hug you and cry with you, I am so sorry ???

You deserve better.

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gullible.the.dinosaur

gullible.the.dinosaurМама троих детей

I did let him know it made me upset. He said I was being selfish and only wanted to talk when it was convenient for me, that I had no consideration for him.

Things have been getting steadily worse since he lost his job last year. He hasn't been able to find one, though I'm pretty certain he just doesn't care to at this point. So I had to go back to work, which is fine. I don't mind working to support my family but he's not trying to better himself at all. I really think he's depressed but whenever I bring it up he says he has just accepted reality and that I need to as well and that we're just trash.

I am not trash. I am capable of a lot, but not with someone who is constantly trying to bring me down with negativity. He enrolled into an electrician course that begins in August and I've been so excited for him to start, thinking he'd start feeling better about himself and get excited again.

I felt so dumb laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I went back into the living room to ask if we could talk. I told him how I was excited and how I want us to do things togrther again. We truly live paycheck to paycheck right now, but I suggested we start going for walks with the kids every evening and talking about goals and where we want to be a few years from now. The more I talked the more excited I got...

And then I finished. And he said nothing. So I asked him what he thought. And then he said he saw no future and proceeded to pick apart and put down everything I had just said because I don't have a step by step plan to follow. I said, if course I don't, the whole point is to plan, set goals, and meet those goals together.

And then he broke my heart. He asked if I thought today was really any different than any other day, that we're still just existing, that we don't even really care about each other anyway.

Ladies, I care so much about that man that I think I've been lying to myself. I love him so deeply that I missed him changing into who he is now. I love who he was, and I love who I know he can be, but whoever he is right now, at this moment, I don't think I love him.

It doesn't seem to matter anyway, since he just admitted he doesn't care about me and that we're just coexisting.

I'm really hurting ladies. I'm not even sure what to do at this point.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

Well not going to lie my husband has threw those words out at me and the best I could do at times is furrow at the brow and then cry. He'd come to me after and I'd totally make him feel bad for it, overtime he got better. Some men say we are the ones who hide our feelings but I think today, he hid some feelings too.

Also, just advice since my husband games too, if I want my husband to stop playing games I would tell him. Headset on or not.

You gotta let him know what makes you upset the minute it makes you upset because if you want to discuss it later on then you have so much pent up anger, it explodes. It's just something I learned with a gamer husband. I wish your anniversary went better :( I'm sorry he was being an butthole to you.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

Dont say anything to him pack up your kids stuff and leave for a few days. Tomorrow I bet he would be supper worried. I mean if you can and if he is not worried then you have your answers on how much he cares about you

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deleted-user

deleted-user

Well I'd say Happy Anniversary but there's not much to be happy about. What a dick!!! Is he normally like this? As in selfish with his time and not attentive to your marriage/kids? What he did/said is unacceptable. I'm sorry.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

I would leave him but that's just me no one who truly doesn't want that suggests that his games are clearly more important than his family

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deleted-user

deleted-user

If my SO ever said that to me I'd be asking him what in the h*** is wrong with him. And I would seriously stand there staring at him until I received a response.

So much nope.

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deleted-user

deleted-user

"Leave me then, I don't know."

He seriously said that to you? What an asshat.

I'm sorry. I don't really have advice to give you. He sounds so childish!

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