Sounds like you are pulling the majority of the weight and that's not fair, especially when you're pregnant!! I guess I would start with a simple, not heated, discussion about sharing some of the chores. And if that doesn't go well a simple daily planner of what needs done? Not in terms of 'I did this and you did that' more something visual so he can see what's needed and have a clear goal. Hope he steps up to balance it out and meet you halfway. Just want to say you're amazing for all you do :)
I stay at home with my son. I. Don't expect my husband to do much If any house work. That's my job. He isn't expected to cook. That's my job. If anything your guy needs to realize your working. And growing a person! You need a Little extra tlc. Maybe try to talk about it again when everyone is less heated. Explain how YOU feel. It sounds like your expected to be super woman. And maybe his expectations aren't realistic.
For a relationship to thrive it needs 200% effort not 100%. It needs 100% from you and 100% from him. It sounds like he isn't doing all that he can for you, but you are for him. Tell him you did all you could for him while he was working FT and are still doing all you can, and growing his child. He needs to pitch in and help out where he can for things to work. Let him know the goal is for the household to run smoothly and for everyone to be happy. Make it clear it isn't a power struggle.
If you are working, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, cooing and all that what exactly is he doing? Are you showing any appreciation to him for what he does or does he just sit on the couch all day and watch the kids? Switching family roles can be very difficult and takes time and communication to get used to them and get the house functioning properly. If he is cleaning the house and doing house stuff are you going behind him and correcting his work or doing extra house chores that he missed? Your post makes it sound like he is doing absolutely nothing but sitting on his butt all day and getting mad at you for not doing everything. If you want him to appreciate you and what you are doing for the family then make sure you are doing the same for him. It can be hard going from family provider to family caregiver and the same goes from going from family caregiver to family provider sometimes it's hard to let go of those reigns and allow the other person to do the job the way they feel is best. Do your best to communicate your needs and wants and actually listen to his. You are not communicating when you are screaming and yelling at each other. Good luck!
It may be really hard for your husband to see the roles reverse. He probably feels insecure and maybe a little depressed over you having to return back vs him finding something before you.
The fact is even when men try to help with the roles at home, we often compared it to how we did it or want it and sometimes that's an unmanageable expectation for them. Help him through it. Be very vocal with what you need and want. After 13 years with my husband and I, I realize that unless I say exactly what I need he will never know. Expecting him to read or body language will never work... Even when I think it's pretty obvious! ?
Hopefully, with some open conversations he'll come around and realize what an amazing job your doing for the family and that he's lucky to have you!
I agree with maddie-- my husband has been a stay at home dad for over 3 years now and this was supposed to be a temporary situation. Itjust worked out best for our family for him to stay home and for me to work.
The first year was VERY hard on him and he never let me know until after. I used to get so upset when dinner wasn't ready and nothing was clean etc when I came home so we talked about it and I tried a new tactic.
I ask him to do ONE thing every day-- "hey can you clean the bathrooms today?" Or I will ask him to do the floors. Never a million things. But men are different and you have to TELL them. They don't think like we do!
I'm so sorry that all of this is hard-- it must be stressful on your relationship in general. But just know that it will get better but it will be hard work too! It's always a balance and I still get annoyed plenty too! Sit down and talk to him when you aren't annoyed and are calm and hopefully he will see your side of things.
I feel like the parent that stays home should be the one doing the house work because they have more down time it's easy to toss a load of laundry in during a nap or to get things done. My husband works and I take care of our kid and home I do all the inside house work and the shopping. I feel like it's a fair trade he is a mechanic for Polaris so he's not sitting all day or anything. He also does the mowing and weed eating. I would think it would be silly for him to have to work all day then come home to a mess at the house and be expected to clean that up as well
deleted-user·
Sounds like you are pulling the majority of the weight and that's not fair, especially when you're pregnant!! I guess I would start with a simple, not heated, discussion about sharing some of the chores. And if that doesn't go well a simple daily planner of what needs done? Not in terms of 'I did this and you did that' more something visual so he can see what's needed and have a clear goal. Hope he steps up to balance it out and meet you halfway. Just want to say you're amazing for all you do :)
deleted-user·
I stay at home with my son. I. Don't expect my husband to do much If any house work. That's my job. He isn't expected to cook. That's my job. If anything your guy needs to realize your working. And growing a person! You need a Little extra tlc. Maybe try to talk about it again when everyone is less heated. Explain how YOU feel. It sounds like your expected to be super woman. And maybe his expectations aren't realistic.
deleted-user·
For a relationship to thrive it needs 200% effort not 100%. It needs 100% from you and 100% from him. It sounds like he isn't doing all that he can for you, but you are for him. Tell him you did all you could for him while he was working FT and are still doing all you can, and growing his child. He needs to pitch in and help out where he can for things to work. Let him know the goal is for the household to run smoothly and for everyone to be happy. Make it clear it isn't a power struggle.
deleted-user·
If you are working, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, cooing and all that what exactly is he doing? Are you showing any appreciation to him for what he does or does he just sit on the couch all day and watch the kids? Switching family roles can be very difficult and takes time and communication to get used to them and get the house functioning properly. If he is cleaning the house and doing house stuff are you going behind him and correcting his work or doing extra house chores that he missed? Your post makes it sound like he is doing absolutely nothing but sitting on his butt all day and getting mad at you for not doing everything. If you want him to appreciate you and what you are doing for the family then make sure you are doing the same for him. It can be hard going from family provider to family caregiver and the same goes from going from family caregiver to family provider sometimes it's hard to let go of those reigns and allow the other person to do the job the way they feel is best. Do your best to communicate your needs and wants and actually listen to his. You are not communicating when you are screaming and yelling at each other. Good luck!
deleted-user·
It may be really hard for your husband to see the roles reverse. He probably feels insecure and maybe a little depressed over you having to return back vs him finding something before you.
The fact is even when men try to help with the roles at home, we often compared it to how we did it or want it and sometimes that's an unmanageable expectation for them. Help him through it. Be very vocal with what you need and want. After 13 years with my husband and I, I realize that unless I say exactly what I need he will never know. Expecting him to read or body language will never work... Even when I think it's pretty obvious! ?
Hopefully, with some open conversations he'll come around and realize what an amazing job your doing for the family and that he's lucky to have you!
deleted-user·
I agree with maddie-- my husband has been a stay at home dad for over 3 years now and this was supposed to be a temporary situation. Itjust worked out best for our family for him to stay home and for me to work.
The first year was VERY hard on him and he never let me know until after. I used to get so upset when dinner wasn't ready and nothing was clean etc when I came home so we talked about it and I tried a new tactic.
I ask him to do ONE thing every day-- "hey can you clean the bathrooms today?" Or I will ask him to do the floors. Never a million things. But men are different and you have to TELL them. They don't think like we do!
I'm so sorry that all of this is hard-- it must be stressful on your relationship in general. But just know that it will get better but it will be hard work too! It's always a balance and I still get annoyed plenty too! Sit down and talk to him when you aren't annoyed and are calm and hopefully he will see your side of things.
deleted-user·
Is he still trying to find a job? Sounds like he needs to work and you need to be home with the kids!
deleted-user·
I feel like the parent that stays home should be the one doing the house work because they have more down time it's easy to toss a load of laundry in during a nap or to get things done. My husband works and I take care of our kid and home I do all the inside house work and the shopping. I feel like it's a fair trade he is a mechanic for Polaris so he's not sitting all day or anything. He also does the mowing and weed eating. I would think it would be silly for him to have to work all day then come home to a mess at the house and be expected to clean that up as well