family drama During my last month of pregnancy my sil offered to throw me a shower under one condition,that she is…

I agree pp we are both on the wrong. And i am not trying to play victim i had good intentions and changed my mind because i started going back to church the end of my pregnancy.i also went to several churches before and they said they needed to belong to a parish.it wasn't something i wanted them to get a quick lesson in. I also asked if i could have him baptized twice ,if there could be two sets of godparents but the priest said no baby cant be baptized two different religions. I really tried to hold my end of the deal.

Also Christians can be god parents in a Catholic ceremonies. Catholicism is a Christian religion even the very strict churches allow it. My brother is a Minister and has been a god father to my oldest no problem he was able to show he was baptized and a member of a Christian church and agree to promoting him being raised as a catholic. This church is very strict if parents are not married prior to child's baptism you can't have the baptism there. Also if your marriage was not a religious ceremony you have to have one first.

My whole family is Christian in catholic and my family has been able to be part of the ceremonys

You are in the wrong. You agreed so you could have the shower, then went behind her back (after she said she'd switch to Catholicism). Basically you got what you wanted, then screwed her over. I'd be upset if I was her also. The reason you're feeling the way you are is because you know you were in the wrong, and instead of admitting you are wrong, you're trying to play the victim.

I think youre both in the wrong. She was wrong to demand to be godparent in exchange for throwing the shower and you were wrong to go behind her back and have someone else do it in secret. I think you both owe each other apologies.

I would be mad at you too. You used her for a baby shower, because it sounds like you never fully intended on making her the godmother at all. Apologize, hopefully she will accept so your family can move on.

My sil pulled the same stunt, I am 17weeks. Guess what? I am not allowing her to throw the shower or buy gifts.

You were wrong, offer her the money back. Explain your feelings, and if she keeps it up. Ignore it

I think what you did was wrong. You should hold your promises.

Um. Yes. You are wrong.

You basically used her for a baby shower.

How could she not be upset.

Wow! You are so in the wrong. First of all you did not have to agree to the baby shower and I think it is darn selfish of you to get what you want and take away what you agreed on.

Secondly I'm a catholic when I baptized my daughter our priest said as long as the God parent is of Christian faith they could stands for my child. So I'm guessing you never spoke with your priest

Thirdly your SIL is likely very hurt and you are walking around like the victim. It is obvious that she would go to bat for your child and was willing to change her religion. People would love there in-laws to be that devoted to their child.

You wanted opinions I'm guessing you won't be liking mine.

That's so dumb of her to even say about Catholics what kind of Christian is that? And maybe you can say sorry for hurting her feelings those weren't your intentions but it's your child and you wanted your son to be Catholic and she is being immature who acts like to a little kid

Are you catholic ?? Because I'm curious as to how she'd be catholic are raised up catholic if your aren't

Your wrong I'm sorry but you don't agree to letting her be the god mother then change your mind and I'm confused we you say that's not all being a godmother is about when that's the main purpose for the god mother although someone think it's just a extra person to buy their child things and baby sit

.

@hannah-Thats true i could explain why i wanted my aunt. I dont think it will do much good but i will still give her the reasons again more thoroughly . She can be stubborn and insists she is catholic because she was baptized catholic but she never attended church to my knowledge only briefly when my nephew attended a catholic school and had a bad experience there causing her to stereotype all catholics as mean. It doesnt help the day i told her she went to 3 different churches to track down her baptismal certificate. She wanted to be godmother so bad and i know her pride is hurt.my son is doing better still has unexplained crying but the issue then was mostly multiple teeth coming in.its hard to talk to someone who only sees it from there perspective but i appreicate everyones unbiased opinion. Ill try to make ammends with her and if that doesnt help at least i can say i tried my best.

No one can dispute your feelings about the issue but when it comes down to it, you promised her something and didn't let her know when you changed your mind. It sucks that she is controlling and demanding but she has a right to be upset when you agreed to her conditions and then did not follow through. At this point I would apologize and explain about your baby's poor health, the advice from the priest, and how after thinking more about it you wanted someone raised Catholic in order to teach your baby that belief system. She will still be upset but it's the best you can do.

Possibly will insult her but at least she can't say you didn't offer and continue to hold it over you forever after an apology.

Very childish for her to ignore your son. I hate when people drag the kids into the argument.

@mama-I feel guilty because shes taking it so bad.i guess i expected she would but not to this point. The priest also wanted me to go to mass for weeks consecutively but my son was having health issues nothing serious but prevented me from going with him always crying.anyway when i told him ill have to wait on baptism because i didnt go to mass he said well if hes having health issues he should be baptized the sooner the better and he was 3 days later.

@magstarr- im pretty sure thats how she feels but not how i intended. I told her over the phone months before about changing my mind and she tried unconvincing me, then later said she would do what it takes but i felt it was just superficial to her. It was also out of character to do it sneaky but just wanted to get it done.i felt she wouldnt understand either way.

@cenedra-i thought about offering to refund the money and for the bassinet they got me but wasnt sure if that would have been more insulting. She also had help but takes all the credit.yes it was her idea of planning and arranging everything and decorating but my mom ,aunt and other family also came together and helped with food and additional expenses. I know i shouldn't have agreed but probably would have even if she hadn't offered me a shower. She was so hurt her other siblings never made her godmother and at the time i honestly saw it as just a title no big deal until after my son was born i started taking it more serioisly.

Yep you were wrong ....very wrong you told her she was to be god mother and basically dumped her.

Your guilty feelings are because you did wrong. If you felt the need to go behind her back and not invite family to the baptism you shouldn't have done it at that time.

The father could have done the service at anytime.

I feel you owe her an I'm sorry

@deb I also think its a power thing because thats her personality. Shes trying to be intimidating and make me feel guilty. Im glad my brother understands too at least. After he was baptized and she was sending me confrontational messages i tried being empathetic saying it was nothing personal without directly apoligizing and that wasnt good enough, so i dont know if she thought i was being insincere or wants me to like beg her to forgive me. Im hoping time will heal the relationship a little but i know it will never really be the same.

I think you should apologise and return any money she put in to your baby shower. It was wrong of you to agree to her being godmother just for the shower. Makes you sound rather greedy tbh.

Having said that I think she was also wrong in a sense. She should have never put conditions such as that when she offered to do the shower.

@pretty-It is a no win situation. She also doesnt know my relationship with God but after i told her the news she texted me like glad your so perfect and go to church everyday and hope the father of your child is there for you.and may god bless you. It was obviously all sarcastic but weird and unbecoming of her. My so was also catholic so thats how we wanted him brought up.

My BIL wife was Christian and was able to attend our Catholic Church's baptism classes to be our daughters godmother, so it can be done and quickly, without having to convert or change churches. I thought she was doing it out of a deep love for your child and spiritual guidance but reading your further comments it sounds more like a power issue for her and not a true passion for what it means to be a godparent. Maybe you did do the right thing, if that is the case. It's unfortunate that this may affect your relationship with your niece/nephew. Glad your brother understands.

Honestly there's no win win in this situation. You definitely should apologize hun because you made an agreement that you broke. It's like telling a fib. But then again she shouldn't have put stipulations on doing something good for you. Picking your lo godparents is a special thing which is between you and your husband. I hope you're able to resolve things. Hugs

I was thinking of apoligizing to move forward but my brother doesnt stand up to her which makes it worse.he is fine about it and said she will get over it ,eventually. The more i think about it though i feel if i do it will indicate i did something wrong and dont want to come crawling to her if thats what she wants. I do want a relationship with my niece and nephew though and it stinks if I'd have to be fake just to maintain it. She is controlling i knew this before the shower and still agreed ,i knew she wouldn't take no for an answer so did it privately anyway.i wish she would be more understanding and had offered to do the shower just out of kindess. I remember her saying how much it meant because none of her siblings made her godmother. So now after her hopes were high i definitely look like the bad guy to her and her family im sure.

@ thenewgirl thats what happened.i simply changed my mind and still feel the need to justify myself because of guilt im not sure i should even feel.i mean to an extent yes. But he is my son it should be my choice people change there mind all the time i feel she should also respect my beliefs and not let pride get in the way.

@mrsdrmims she definitly feels that way which sucks i really wanted a shower and felt so pressured to say yes because she really wanted to throw one and made it seem only godparents did that.which i know is not true. it was my intentions to have them godparents at the time. I was going to apologize for not realizing how much it meant to her but her but the way shes acting is upsetting me more now.

@milky exactly! I was lucky to find a priest to do it in the first place because i didnt belong to a parish and it was the old fashioned church that practices latin masses and older prayers etc which meant the world to my grandmother since her kids and myself were baptized that way. So when the priest agreed i was excited and kind of impulsively went along.i also thought she would be joining the church temporarily and for the wrong reasons.

Pp, you've never agreed to something, only to realize later that it might have been a mistake/you acted too rashly? I'd love to have lived my whole life never making a mistake. But since we all DO make mistakes, the right plan of action is to admit you made a mistake/agreed to something too quickly, apologize, and be a mature adult.

OP, She'll get over it, eventually. If she doesn't, she's doing you a favor by removing her childish self from your life.

@Dianam im sure thats how she feels too. I felt so torn over the whole decision and never intended for her to shun me over it.

It's too bad she can't read this post and see how petty and childish she's acting, and realize those are NOT good qualities of a godparent (which she aspires to be).

She shouldn't treat you and your son that way.

But... You basically used her for a baby shower. You made her a promise you couldn't keep and went behind her back. She is probably feeling used and betrayed. You should give her a very formal apology I'm sure she is very hurt.

@ashdawnk thats how i feel. I thought we could just have a light hearted time tonight and i feel shes being very immature,controlling and doesnt like being told no. My son is too young to understand but it was awkward. she made a point to brag about her brothers son who is about the same age and show his picture saying isnt he so adorable ,such a cute baby while me and my son and a few loyal family members are just sitting there.

Pp, the op didn't say Catholics are mean. The SIL did.

I think you should apologize. I think it's awful that you agreed to her being the godmother in exchange for a baby shower then went behind her back and made someone else the godmother. She was willing to do what needed to be done but it seems like you didn't tell her that you were changing your mind.

She should respect your decision. But also you shouldn't say catholics are mean. I know some very nice catholic people/families.

Wtf? No one had rights to "claim" godparent status of my child. That is mine and my husbands decision to designate.

We are Christian, both of us first generation Christians (neither of us were raised in a religion). We named a friend of ours our son's godfather, which to us means if something should happen to us, we'd like him to be responsible for our child's spiritual upbringing. He has the most beliefs and PRACTICES in line with ours, and is someone we would want our son to learn from.

Someone who feels so "entitled" to this position as your SIL certainly should not be designated, and especially not after her childish reaction afterwards. At first she says Catholics are mean (way to go stereotyping a whole religion), then she's willing to convert to one just for a title?!

Um no.

@Debdebann i thought about that but figured she would only be joining a church she doesnt belong to for the title and didnt want her to do that when she doesnt practice that belief system.

Yeah i felt bad doing it too and not having everyone there to celebrate. When i casually mentioned my aunt she got so defensive and was like well i threw the shower and you already promised me. She wouldn't take no for an answer or that i changed my mind.it doesnt help that she made me one of the godmothers for my niece. She has two godmothers and a godfather because i was young.

Yes, you should apologize. You are wrong for agreeing to let her and your brother be the godparents, then turn around and do what you did. It makes it even worse that she was willing to get sponsored in a Catholic Church to be the godparent and you supplanted them. I'd be upset too. She was willing to dedicate time and effort to be your little ones godparent. That in itself is testimony that she would have been a good role model to your child. I think an apology is in order.

Your child your decision. Plus your sil was being crazy by "offering" to do a baby shower IF YOU'LL do something major for her. Uh she should want to do a baby shower for you without her benefiting. If shes going to be like that and ignore your child who had no voice in the matter anyway.... id be hapoy with the choice you made. I wouldnt leave my dog to her let alone my child.

At the end of the day it's your Child your decision but it would be nice to apologize for skipping over her. It sounds like you went behind her back which probably made her feel bad towards you. You should have told her when you changed your mind. I would be upset if I was her but it is something that can be gotten over.