So over this feeling!
Ever since I've had ds, OH and I have fought my mother on not wanting to give ds a dummy just cause we don't like them and find he self soothes. For the past three times my mother has had him, she has gone against our rule and given him a dummy and of course I spoke to her about it (that's all my knowledge on how many times she's done it). On Sunday we celebrated my stepfathers birthday and due to OH working I had to do it alone which isn't the thing that bothered me. The thing that bothered me was no matter what I said regarding ds I wasn't listened to. I told my mother to sit behind ds if she was going to sit him up on the floor as he hasn't got the whole balance thing down pact but she didn't and then ds falls and starts crying cause he hurt himself, I picked him up and my mother just came and took him off me! I told her he can't forward face yet as he is below the shoulder line in order to forward face but they did anyway. I get it's her first grandchild and she's excited but I never got to share the news about ds's first tooth or his first attempt at crawling to the family because she already done it. Yes I know, I probably sound petty asf! I had to repeatedly ask my mother to take me and ds home as he was tired and close to the over tired stage. On the way home ds fell asleep, luckily I was sitting beside him and looked at him cause he had fallen asleep and had his head facing down so I quickly grabbed his head and held it up till we got home.
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Also I can't remember the car seat brand my mother has but after 6 months it's legal to ff but its optional for the parents/guardians to keep baby rf or put them ff
@nurserae he has his license. He was at work at the time and couldn't take me and ds to the club for lunch nor pick us up.
I don’t understand how ds was forward facing on the way home?! What seat was he in and how was he facing on the way to where ever you all went? Why did you even get in the car in the first place to go there? I would have stopped at getting in the car before this all began! Legal or not ? your 27 year old SO can’t drive?! You talk about getting your license but where is his? I think I am missing a lot here
And the only reason, as I've stated before. He wants to get my credit score up and we are doing the same with his. We work together as a team to accomplish our goals. We are no longer renting to buy, we are just getting our bills sorted
@mamabird we pay for the bills together, we got a system in order so I can help him with bills. It's not just his place it's also mine. Both our names are on the lease. I take care of the money side of things. Make sure everything is paid when it needs to be and we have food in the house each week for our selves and for our son.
Sorry ladies I did fail to mention that I'm from Australia and that it's legal to ff. My OH hasn't fully dealt with my mother since we had ds. When my mother goes running to OH, he just comes home and tells me about my mother b**ching to him about me for x, y, Z and asks me not to say this or do this when it comes to my mother. I get it, I need to stand up better for my son, I am trying my hardest to be better. She isnt having him at all. I have arranged friends to watch ds when I go back to work next month one day a week when mine and OH's shift collides. My older sister will be watching him on Tuesday nights when I go play darts.
I honestly am doing my best as a mother and I am seriously trying to make my mother see that he is My son and not Hers. I have some what of a backbone it's just really complicated how mine works unfortunately. Yes I know you guys don't see the mature side of me on here (when I decide to stop lurking, that is)
A mother is her child's advocate. If you allow someone to mistreat your child or put them in an unsafe situation, YOU are the one to blame. The problem here is that you know better but aren't strong enough to put your foot down. I agree that if you aren't willing to do what's necessary you should remove yourself from the situation completely.
Yeah, this is all on you. If I were in this situation, I’d cut my mother out completely. There would be no contact with me or my child until she can prove she can respect you as a mother. But, before any of that can happen, you have to respect yourself as a mother and GROW UP. Hopefully you can be the mom your child deserves sooner rather than later.
I’ll say it just like many of the pps have said, “call the cops” if she takes or threaten to take your kid.
If anyone puts your kid in a car seat that is not safe for your baby, take him out and DO NOT put him back in unless he is 100% safely restrained.
Stop making excuses.
@hail I think the point people are trying to make, myself included, is that if you act like a child, you'll be treated like one. I know some very responsible 18 year olds who are adults. I also know some very immature 18 year olds who I think is more of a child than others. She's acting like a child, letting her mom tell her how to do things and putting her child in danger because of it. All we've heard from this user is "I'm not a child" "I'm an adult" "I'm mature" but she clearly isn't if she'd rather put her child in danger than say no to her mommy.
Age and maturity is a super important factor in situations like this. That's why people find it gross that a 27 year old man chased after a 16 year old. It is apparently legal where she lives, but that doesn't mean it's an equal relationship. He can have a conversation with her mother because he's mentally matured where she is not.
Your OH deals with it because you have no backbone, but we’ll go with the excuse of your mom stressing you out. You swear up and down on this app that you’re so mature and your age doesn’t matter, but guess what...your teenager self is showing. YOU put your child in danger and allowed him to forward face in an improper seat, not your mom. YOU allowed him to have that pacifier because YOU didn’t stand up and take it from him when she gave it to him. YOU are that child’s mother, correct? So it’s YOUR job to do things right and stop blaming someone else. This is why your 18 year old self need not be with a 29 year old man. You need to go home to your mommy since she controls everything anyway. ?
Stand the fack up and act your age instead of like a 5 year old who's bossed around. Facking take care of YOUR child and their safety like a mother should!
YOU'RE the mother. That's YOUR child. ACT LIKE IT.
She puts him ff? SWITCH IT AROUND.
She gives him a pacifier? TAKE IT OUT.
She steps over your parenting boundaries? STAND UP and freaking tell her!
Your mom listens to your partner because he's the one acting like an actual adult. You're acting like you're still her immature child that she can tell what to do. That's why. You felt like you were grown, but you don't act like it, and that's why she tells you what to do. Tell your mom no, and stick to it!
YOU put your child in danger. Not your mom. YOU. It is YOUR responsibility and YOUR baby. Not your mom's. YOU are the one failing your child when you allow him to ride in a forward facing booster seat. Not her.
Mature adults would not allow this to happen. Period.
I honestly can not comprehend how you allow this to happen. I don’t even allow my mother to touch my dd since she smokes. When she touched her once, I picked up the baby and left. Guess what? She hasn’t done it again. You are the mom, you have to set the boundaries. If she “was going to leave you and take your baby” I would have called the police 1) because that’s kidnapping 2) because your child should not be ff. It’s illegal in my state to ff before two regardless of weight. Police would have reinforced that, too. I know you’re only 18 but your child’s safety depends on YOU.
What is a dummy?
And I have this issue with my own mother!! my kids are older and I’m expecting a third in August. With my older kids 6 & 9 yrs old she doesn’t listen when the stay with her so I just stop letting them stay with her alone. I limit the amount of time I even spend at my moms now.. maybe once every few months now. It’s sad but.. she’s making it difficult to be a parent.
@ghaytch my OH was letting me deal with my mother till it got to stressful. My mother listens to OH but she doesn't me, never has and never will, no matter what. The only way I can get her to listen is if I raise my voice at her and even then she goes running to my OH or my pop to get them to pull my head in for yelling at her.
@napk1ns yes I'm that chick! I'm 18 and my partners 29.
If she dares to drive away or threaten you, police. It would not be overreacting to either tell her you will call the police or to call them if she did take your son.
Your family might try to make you feel like your overreacting, but you're putting your sons safety first. They'll get over it but you won't if something happens to him.
And I know, I really do how hard it is to make rules with your own mother. Nearly impossible to do with out hurting feelings.
I allowed my mom to smoke around my own children for years, making boundaries slowly. Now my children don't go to her home for a few reasons and one being someone is Always smoking. They don't ride in her car forthe same reason. And she no longer smokes around us at all. I wish I could go back and set these boundaries at first, with my first baby. I exposed them to all of that nastiness, knowing better. That's on me and always will be. But I do better now.
It takes some of us time to learn to really stand for what we believe is best for our children. You won't have as much mom gilt as me if you start now lol.
Good luck.
No op this isn’t about your mom not caring about your sons life....
You put his life in danger!! You strapped him into a ff booster, you allowed him to go in a car without proper protection, what would throwing yourself into of him do??? He could very well still die becaue of the crash from internal damage and a whole whack of other physical damage you would’ve still been holding your baby as he dies, you put his live in danger!!
YOU allowed it... you knew it was deadly you still strapped him in and went..
You could’ve said no, if she tried to take him I would’ve pulled out my phone and told her if she did you were calling 911 and going to have her arrested for kidnaping, if she still took your child I would’ve called and pressed charges....
What’s talking got to do with anything, you need to enforce your say!!!
It’s your child she has no say, if she doesn’t listen DO SOMETHING about it!!
If she tries to take your son say NO if she still tries tell her you will call the police, and she will no longer be seeing your son as she doesn’t respect or listen to you, if she won’t give him back pull out your phone and call the police!!!
Seriously how hard is that, she takes your child it’s kidnapping!!
You don’t enforce it that’s on you!!
No one else’s fault, she listened and doesn’t pull this crap with your dh because he will enforce it...
Stop putting your child in danger, women up and enforce your words...
People will only treat us how we let them.....
We teach people how to treat us and your teaching her that your a door mat won’t stand up and save your child’s life, she has you well trained ...
@Lilnote I have told her and she simply doesn't give a damn! OH is going to be dealing with her from now on cause it's just stressing me out and putting me down a path that took me 5 years to get out of ?
@unagie that's what I am doing for now on, but I won't be going unless OH goes with us and drives us. If I get my licence then I'll drive me and my son. At least going with OH/driving myself when I get my license, I know my son will be safe and not put in danger
Your mother does not know s*** about car seat safety because there was no such thing as car seat safety when we was kids.
Stop saying you can't do anything about any of this. She is your mom, not your childs. She had her turn to raise kids. She needs to step aside and let you raise yours. You need to put her in her place NOW and NOT let her do anything you do not approve of ever again. She is a grown ass lady and can get over her feelings being hurt if you put her in her place.
If it means I would not go to events and places then that's the price paid to keep my baby safe. Car seat safety is not likely was when your mom's had little ones. Educate her and if she still refuses then do not allow her to have your child. I did not have my license until my baby was 10 months old. Until then I rode with others and if they did not agree to rear face then I did not go and neither did my baby.
@Canadaingirl I really tried to do what's best for my son and stood up for him but as I said in my post nothing I said mattered to my mother unless my OH is around. I could repeat it over and over again to my mother to not do this, this and this or not to forward face him but it seems my sons life does not matter. I was paying full attention to the entire drive and if I seen any sign my mother was going to crash I I would of moved myself in position to take the full brutal force for my son to make sure no serious harm came to him!
Considering I was stuck between two car seats and could get my seat belt on I would of been able to do that in a flash!
Op you are LETTING it happen, you can’t say she forced you to do anything, you are letting it happen, she CANT take your child!!! You call the POLICE if she does, she doesn’t give him back to you when you say CALL the POLICE!!
Really op your the MOM!!
Stop playing victim when you hold all the power..
What would you have done if you all got in an accident?? You weee holding you mutilated child as he dies bleeding to death becaue you allowed him in a ff booster??? Blamed her when you allowed it??? You would’ve been arrested not them, your child’s blood would be on your hands...!!
You knowingly endanger your child, everytime you allow him with her, everytime you sit by and twiddle your fingers not saying no not telling her to go to hell, not speaking up, not TAKING your child back, and the list goes on and on and on...
It’s ALL on you...
YOUR the mom it’s YOUR job to protect YOUR baby!!!!
It’s time to get all mama bear ?
It’s time to put your big girl panties on!!!
That's it @unagie. I personally can not wait to get my pervisional licence then I can drive to the events and know that my son will be safe no matter what.
My ds grew out of the capsule car seat that we need to take bub home with from the hospital. Before I installed the new car seat I sat in the lounge room and had the new car seat facing me and sat ds in it and strapped him in to adjust the straps and he looked at me like 'mum I'm really not comfortable here'. I looked on the side between his head rest and his shoulder was below the line to be forward facing so I knew straight away I had to install the car seat rear facing and I did.
After my mother having three kids you'd think she know better about car seat safety but apparently not ?
@tbree if I hadn't got in that car I know my mother would of threatened to leave me behind and take my son. I stood outside of the car for a good 10 minutes looking at it, like wtf! I told yous he can't forward face. I even said it but they didn't care
You allowed him to be forward facing. No way in hell would I allow my child to ride in a forward gabbing caraway at seven months when I know better. You were there so that one is completely on you.
But you need to set and enforce boundaries. If you say give him to me and she doesn't, tell her you will phone the police. If she tries to take your baby from you, don't let her and tell her she's no longer welcome around you two. She sounds like a bully and though it is hard to learn to REALLY stand up for your baby in the face of apparently fierce opposition, you must do it. It's driving you to tears, having her going against you at every turn and making you feel powerless, but you are his mother and have all the power. Grandma needs a time out
@mrs I'm not sure of the brand but it was the kind of booster seat 4-7 year olds going into.
Thank you ladies for all the advice. Sorry I haven't replied sooner just woke up
No unsupervised visits and if she still doesn't listen then I'd tell her she can't be around him until she listens to you as a parent first. You are his mom. You get to decide things. It's not up to her to make these decisions... if she still doesn't listen then cut her off.
You need to put your foot down, and actually hold your ground. Like with the car seat thing you clearly knew he was forward facing. Instead of just bringing it up a couple times you should have just held your son and not got in knowing he wasn't gonna be properly(or legally) strapped in. This is your baby, you gotta make it clear hun
@mimaof3 as of the 28th of Feb I have $430. 58 to pay if I want to end the contract earlier. If I could I would end it but we are still paying a $1600 power bill from our old unit
@newly yes. My mother only took the one car so she had my 6 year old sister inthe 6th seat, my 5 year old brother behind my step-dad, me in the middle and my ds in a car seat behind the driver side. I said something three times prior to leaving. They threw out the car seat that could rear face when he turned 6 months old ?
@mimaof3 I have 4 months left on a 24 month contract and can't afford to go prepaid or on another phone plan just yet. As I'll be made by my mother to pay it regardless. I have my eye on a phone plan that's a lot cheaper than the one my mother has me on.
It is hard and it's very frustrating that I have to do such a thing but I know it's what's best for my son
@paige with your phone bill any chance you can just switch to prepaid? She sounds somewhat controlling but not allowing you to log on and access the bill! Or can your partner put it in their name? Or just get a new service (I can see her being petty and cutting it off on you ?)
I had to cut my mother completely out of my life and my children’s so I can understand just how hard it is! But if she can’t follow simple requests then it’s for the best!
@incognition I don't blame you for stopping with the reading. It has beyond pissed me off.
Cutting contact is our now option, the only problem is that my phone is in her name cause I couldn't get a phone on a plan at the time and she keeps me updated on how much my bills are cause I can't login and she won't allow me the details so I can check it myself and paper bill form goes to her place.
But I know I gotta do this for my son and his safety. I never thought in a million years my mother would be so selfish and risk her grandsons life!
Your mom doesn't seem to have your son's best interest at heart. Hair gel? Chocolate? Why? That's just irresponsible on her part, even if she were listening to you on everything else.
Cut gma off until she properly learns to care for her grandson or listens to you as the parent.
Personally I would stop spending time with her alone. I'd tell her since you can't respect my wishes and how I parent my child you won't see us.
It's hard to do but if talking hasn't worked this might. I had a kinda similar situation with my mom. It worked out pretty well.
I stopped reading after the first couple paragraphs. Stop letting your mom have your child unsupervised. When she does something in front of you you’ve told her not to do, you need to snap. Get assertive and get mad! You are the mother. If your mom can’t respect that, I would be cutting off contact for a while.
You have to stand up to her momma. Your mom sounds so disrespectful.
ETA: I stopped reading because I was getting angry ? ugh, I can’t even imagine!
Thank you ladies! I have an event I do every Tuesday starting up next week and with everything going on with her I'm giving my older sister responsibility of taking care of my son cause she knows my rules and understands them. I'm not allowing my mother to have him when I go back to work next month cause of this.
I am simply not going to let her have my son until she understands that she needs to back off.
I forgot to mention that she sprayed some sort of hair gel in his hair while I was putting my shoes on before we left and thank goodness he hasn't gotten any kind of rash from that either.
I'm glad I'm not being petty. I can assure yous I won't be sharing anything with her anymore until I tell everyone in one hit.
My mother is the kind that will run back to my grandfather and tell him I'm doing this and that and then I always have him coming around and saying this, this and this cause of the decisions I make. I still have people running to my mother when I'm out and about and telling her so it's frustrating.
That's really unfair of your Mum! She needs to back way off. Your baby, your news to share, your decisions, especially about car seat safety!
I'd be backing way off from doing anything with her, until she starts to respect your parenting.
I agree with pp.
Stop spending time with her, stop telling her stuff. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, especially if you've already talked to her and she's ignored you.
She can then decide what she wants more..... Quality time with you guys, or to carry on pretending she's in charge and lose out on seeing you all.
If she can’t follow your rules on your child she wouldn’t be seeing him.
Maybe after not seeing him for a while (and make it very clear why she isn’t seeing her grandson) maybe then she’ll happily do what you want!
And I’d stop sharing any news with her if she just goes blabbering to everyone. She can find out with the rest of the crew!
Sounds harsh but I’ve been there and sometimes being nice and simply talking with people like your mum isn’t enough.
@everything yes it is insane to legally ff at 6 months. But I am not allowing my son to ff anymore especially after Sunday. He is rfing till me and OH can see that he is more confident in ff and also we are more comfortable with him ff.