Devastated/Worried
I normally don't like to post such personal things, however I have nowhere else to turn since my parents want to keep this "hush hush" from family/friends. Recently our biggest fears have been confirmed, my younger brother is injecting heroin. He's 24 and has an 8 yr. old son whom he has joint custody of. I'm feeling very guilty, sad, scared, but mostly confused. I don't understand how he could have gotten to this point. I'm constantly worried that I'm gona get a call that he's dead. It's all I can think about. I guess I'm just looking for some positive thoughts, maybe some advice and/or stories of people who have experienced this. Thanks, I just needed to get it out.
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So sorry :( unfortunately, I know exactly what you're going through. My brother is a recovering heroin and oxy addict. He's tried to commit suicide more times than I can count. I was constantly worried he was going to die. He stayed with us for a while, and we found used syringes in our house, with our children. My husband is the one who drove him to treatment in the middle of the night. Thankfully it worked. He's been sober for about three years now, and I'm still constantly worried about him. I don't really have any advice. We sort of had to cut ties with him until he was out of treatment. I couldn't risk him being around my kids. Was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He's now a great uncle, and active in my children's lives. I hope and pray every day that he continues to make the right choices in life.
I know someone that was addicted. Thank god he got caught. He lost a lot, but getting busted saved his life. He was able to get the help he so desperately needed. But that meant going to an inpatient rehab. He had to move to another state to get away from everyone. Can't risk running into the old crowd. He has been clean for a few years now though. Your brother will need help to get passed this. But he will have to be receptive of the help for it to work. I hope he can get clean.
Talk to him. Tell him you are there for him. Tell him there are other options.
He could go to a doctor for withdrawals and be put on suboxone so that he doesn't suffer -- that's what most addicts fear. Many rehabs also use suboxone as a treatment while addicts are inpatient.
Some people say suboxone is still a drug and blah blah blah, but it is much better than heroine. It will keep him alive and on the road to recovery. I've lost so many friends to heroine. It's no joke. Praying for your family. ?
Thanks Nellie! I guess that's a big part of my frustration with my parents, I feel like they want to keep it quiet because they feel ashamed. I know there's a lot of family that would be very supportive. Especially my aunt and uncle. My uncle is his godfather and my brother respects him a lot. I know they could offer a lot of resources and help. I've thought about reaching out to them but I don't want to go against my parents wishes. Would u ladies take the backlash from ur parents and get other family involved?
ETA: my concern with that is, I feel if I go behind their back they won't confide in me about important issues in the future.
I'm so sorry you and your family is going through this, it's one of the biggest challenges a family can face. Everyone has given great advice and I just want to add that it can happen to anyone in any family and you shouldn't be afraid to face it as a health issue without shame.
I wish you and your family well,
Nellie
Wow Kayla, I'm so sorry for ur loss. That is my biggest fear, getting a call that he's gone. I would never forgive myself ?. But how inspiring that ur brother was able to overcome his addiction. That gives me hope, thank u so much for sharing!
So sorry your going through this. I've been through this as well with my brother and my BIL. Sadly we lost my BIL on 12-26-14 to a heroin overdose. He was 25. My sister is now a very young widow, raising their son on her own. My nephew was only 8 months old at the time. When he passed away, my brother finally realized that he was going to be next. He checked into rehab and has over 100 days clean now. He has a full-time job and just got sole custody of my neice. It's a very hard thing to overcome, but it can be done. One thing we've learned over the last couple years is tough love works, but we never turned our back on him. Look into support groups in your area. They will have tons of advice. Good luck. I will pray for your brother and your family.
Just read the comments, definitely do not have him come to your house. Unless he is done rehab and clean for a bit and wants a new fresh start there, away from his old friends and dealers, then that might be good. Also, he didn't "just start" if he is injecting and stealing things to support his habit, he seems like it's been going on a while. Also, your dad can try to do all he wants but sadly it will not help it will just make your brother be more sneaky about what he is doing. An addict will say anything to get out of a tricky situation and to be able to get a bag especially if they are feeling sick.
Withdrawal from heroin won't kill you or send you into seizures like other things would, but you do feel like absolute hell. I would a million times over have strep throat and pneumonia again then have to be dope sick again.
**your parents need to tell him he can no longer live under their roof and they won't help support his life style. As rough as it is he will probably get to his "rock bottom" faster & will have a tougher time going about what he's doing. I know it's so much easier said then done though. (Sorry for such a long post, I just want to try to inform you as best I can from my point of view)
Thank u ladies for sharing ur experiences and offering such kind words and prayers. I'm just truly at a loss. I told my husband "what? I'm just suppose to sit back and let my baby brother kill himself?" But I don't know what to do. As much as I want to have him come here and help him myself, I have my four little kiddos to worry about. He's always been very stubborn and at this point is refusing to go to treatment. I just feel absolutely sick to my stomach, I know my nephew doesn't deserve this. His mom doesn't know yet. My mom said the past few visits my brother hasn't interacted with him at all, she said he can barely keep his eyes open.
My heart sank for you :/. The only way he will get clean is if he wants to himself & when he decides that definitely be there to support him. As hard as it is you or your parents shouldn't enable him in any way at all & until he is clean and responsible he shouldn't get 50 /50 custody. That kind of life isn't one an 8 year old needs to witness and he's in no state to be taking care of them. If you want to message me ever about questions, or just to talk, or I could help try to find resources I'd be happy to talk. I don't want to put much out about me on here but I was an addict for a while and now have been clean for a while so I know what it's like from all ends. I'm so sorry you have to be going through this.
I wouldn't suggest letting him stay at your place at all. All that's going to happen is when s*** hits the fan there, he's going to go running to your house but still using. Unfortunately, this so has to be something that he chooses on his own. Usually that takes hitting rock bottom. the best you guys can do is make sure nobody is enabling him. You could try to go to Naranon meetings to express some of your feelings about this and get some healthy ideas about how to approach the situation. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your brother.
I have lost a few friends to Herion use. My ex used to be an addict. He overcame his addiction, it can be done. He went to rehab. If your brother wants to quit he needs to get help. Maybe seek therapy to find what caused him to turn to drugs. Be there for him and help him any way you can. It's such a dangerous thing, but there is hope. If he wants to stop he can. It just take commitment.
He's 24. He told my mom he can kick it on his own, but I know in my heart he can't. I thought about flying out there because I believe I can convince him to go into rehab BUT I also know in my heart he won't stick it out. I just don't get how he could do this, like what's hurting him so bad inside that he turned to this.
At this point he thinks only my parents know. My mom found her coin collection was missing so she searched his room. She found the bag and needles. When they confronted him, he admitted to taking her coins and getting $300 for them. He claims he just started injecting and that he's going to quit ?. He's lost three friends in the past year from overdosing. My mom has been researching facilities and is considering calling the police about the bag she found so that it will force him to get help. My dad is in denial about how serious it is and thinks that he can make him stop. He says he's going to keep him with him at all times ?. My mom needs reinforcements but at this point is refusing to tell anybody but me and my other brother because she fears that it will send him over the edge. I'm in Arizona and they are in Illinois. My other brother says "well just let him go ahead and kill himself since he wants to be so selfish!" ?. My husband said to offer for him to come out here and that he'll get him a job but I really don't want an addict in my house (I know that's horrible of me to say) plus I don't think he'll come and/or stay.
Oh I'm so sorry you are going through this. Addiction is so difficult for the entire family. I've been through this with loved ones myself, and I will pray for you and your fam. Know that recovery is his burden to wear, not yours, and that the line between supporting him and enabling him is very tough not to cross, especially when you are new to this. You can only be responsible for you. The rest is up to him. Show him your love. He needs it. But don't keep him from the consequences of his choices. He needs those too. ❤️
My brother was a heroin addict at 14 years old. We grew up with great parents and he still turned to heroin. It's no ones fault. My best advice is to try and get him some help. If you need any advice on how to do that, let me know. By the way, my brother is now 26 and has been recovered for 11 years. He went to rehab for most of high school.