Legal stuff I know no one can offer actual legal advice, but here goes.

I think you're doing the right thing by going through all legal channels. Then he can't come back to you later to blackmail you or anything. Good luck!

We never ended up asking him to terminate rights. I’m going to go through court for that. The name change was ordered in our divorce, but he didn’t show up for the proceedings and didn’t do it. We are not responding to him anymore. I only sent him one message because he wouldn’t answer my mom. I told her to block him and none of us are going to communicate with him again.

Also, I wouldn’t be texting the part of wanting him to sign for termination & change of last night. I could see that easily turning on you on court for blackmailing him. I never ever text anything to my sons father than can be twisted

Ok so I haven’t read any responses. But I’d say your best bet is to just not respond or have your mother not respond. I’d be going to court to have his last name removed. And try to get him for abandonment. That why u can cut all ties with him! Your children are much better off with u and don’t need him in and out of their lives. I’m sure that’s already been said but like I said I didn’t read the comments. I feel like if u pay him off he could use that against u later down the road

Im sorry but why are you continuing contact? File for abandonment and block his number on your mother’s phone. You’re just making yourself resent him more for not wanting to be there by continuing this line of communication. Im sorry you’re going through this, but just cut ties so it doesnt continue to consume part of your life.

Of course the dumb schmuck only gives vague responses and hasn’t answered any questions. He said something about taking his fiancé’s name when they get married but wouldn’t answer as to if he will change back to his birth name for the money I offered. I figure he thought he could get a quick $50 from my mom and now that she asked him questions, he gave up. He also (not surprisingly) didn’t ask how anyone, even my parents, are doing. Just proves he’s still a self-centered prick who doesn’t give any thought to the family he walked out on.

My state allows termination after 6+ months of no contact, and it’s been over 2 years.

I would tell him he can have $50 when he pays his half of taking care of his children.

But then again, if you dangle the idea of not having to pay child support anymore to him if signs away his rights and you give him the money, I feel like that's money well spent honestly. But I am not a lawyer and I don't know the ramifications of paying him to terminate would be.

My ex has been MIA for 4 years. He is 30,000 in debt. I wouldn't even bother speaking to him to get him do you want.

However I am deathly afraid of my ex.

Im sorry i didn't read all comments but what is your states law on filing abandonment against him? I know in my state there has to be ZERO contact (phone/text/visit) with kids for 6 months and then you can file abandonment and his/her parental rights terminated even with no adoption

I turned in his current address and phone number last week, before he popped back up. Not that he’ll ever work to pay it...

I think you are doing the right thing. Get it done in the courts on the up and up. There's almost no chance he fights, because that would mean actually owning up to his already huge CS, right? He'll hide again, they'll see he won't put on any effort, and hopefully it will be done.

You JUST got this guys medical debt out of your life. Get him fully out while you can. And don't let your mom give him any $$ for anything. Report the contact information to whatever services should be looking for his lazy a$$ to collect the back CS.

Of course I was up all night thinking about this. I think he’s playing us. He went to my mom knowing her bleeding heart. If she gives him anything, he’ll just ask again. 2+ years with no contact, and now his POS äss wants money? No. I’ll fight him in court. He can either show up and fight, or p**** our like he did in our divorce and hide again. And I’m pretty sure I know which he will do.

I'd say yes come and pick it up and have the necessary people looking for him there at the same time. Not a chance would I actually give him a dime after how he acted.

Personally I would give him the $50. Not to help him but to help you. It will get him that much further away and quite possibly keep him that much further away. If he doesn’t have the money to get where he’s going what are the odds that he would have the money to come back?

As for trying to use it to get him to sign off his rights that could be tricky. If by some chance he would ever get it together he might try to use it against you in court. He is not sound of mind and he could try to say you were taking advantage of that. It would be hard to prove that you weren’t. I know that’s not your intent just trying to look at all sides.

Not sure I would want to be in a position where my children could find out that I bribed their father to sign away rights to them. For that reason alone I would never consider that option.

I would just leave things as is...might turn out a way you don't expect it to go. If it were me I would keep my kids raise them by myself he could keep whatever he already has even the last name. And his money. Good luck hope things work in your favor and the best interests of the children ☺️???

My state does allow termination of rights in the best interest of the child(ren) even without another party to adopt.

In my state they wouldn’t terminate rights without another party to adopt. With my ex I offered to drop child support and he signed his rights away to allow my husband to adopt. I’d look into seeing if it’s even possible to go this route without having someone else there to adopt your children.

My state doesn’t ‘forgive’ past child support, so he’d still be on the hook for what is currently accrued. He’s frequently homeless and has literally no resources, so I’m not actually worried he’d try to get custody. I plan to meet a court facilitator to get the necessary paperwork, whichever way I end of going.

I haven’t followed the story exactly, but just gathering from the info I read you could chance it and have his rights terminated the old fashion way. Family court considers a couple of things like CS, communication, safety of child, and most important best interest of the child. Courts want to maintain consistency as much as possible, and 2 years no communication, well, adding him to your kids life will be more harmful than beneficial. I mean in my eyes at least, a parent coming in and out of a child’s life is no parent at all.

The downside is that courts will try to be optimistic and if he tries to fight it and say he will do better (even if lying) they will not grant termination. Termination is like a last resort thing. If anything they might make him try to pay the CS and try to insist you two co parent. They want to avoid terminating as much as possible... also if they grant it all CS would cease both incoming payments and past. Personally if you can just keep your distance and not speak to him that would be the best, it would be opening a can of worms if you took it to court

I would follow through on paying him. I just want to hear from people who aren’t emotionally involved what would be better. My mom hasn’t told him any of this yet. It was my idea. He just wanted $50 for gas.

Legally I have no clue but I probably wouldn't open that can of worms. It seems unlikely he will ever go after visitation. Did your Mom respond to him? He really has some big ones to text your Mom asking for money knowing damn well he doesn't do jack for his kids.

If you want to, just throw the whole not having to pay child support anymore.

By offering money for his rights, your entering a simple contract, or verbal contract (I'm taking business law lol sorry). If you choose to back out of anything and he was petty he could go after you. That's just a what if though.

Yeah, he said he will never “be an indentured servant” to pay child support. He’s $12k behind in child support because I’ve only ever gotten $500... he quit as soon as he realized he was garnished.

Honestly I wouldn’t even open up that line of communication if it was me.

Idk but I am in a similar situation and would pay him to sign over his rights to my husband if I could. I think telling him that he wouldn't have to pay child support anymore would be enough, but I can't get the guts to do it.

Sorry that's not advice, but you aren't alone!