Thisisfeeney
feeneythepotstirrer
Thisisfeeney·Мама двоих (младенец)

Advice for tantrums

I know a toddler having tantrums is normal. But do y'all have any advice on how to soothe the child to try to help? When dd has her tantrums she cannot be touched. I can't rub her back or pick her up or anything it makes it 100x worse. It breaks my heart because I want to help her. But when that mindset takes over it's like she just can't be calmed. I've tried sitting next to her and talk calmly. She gets even more angry. It gets to the point that she starts biting objects and throwing things. Should I just let her work it out and pray this passes soon or is there any other techniques that may help the tantrum calm faster?

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With my 2 year old I just tell him I can't understand him when he's throwing a fit, and when he is done he can come and talk to me. Then I walk away. Once he is calm he comes to find me and tells me what's wrong. Once I know then I can take care of it from there.

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@nilde maybe it's a night terror

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Ignore it... Toddlers are little geniuses...they know exactly what they are doing.

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My 3 1/2 year old went through this and still occasionally has a tantrum or two if she didn't get enough sleep or something like that. My almost 2 year old is on the edge of starting the tantrums. ? Usually it starts with me saying no, they can't have something or another. I say it once and if a tantrum starts, so be it. I let it run its course as long as they aren't going to injure themselves or others. If my daughter had a crazy bad tantrum and started flailing herself on the ground, throwing whatever was around her, I'd pull her into my lap and literally bear hug her until it subsided so she wouldn't hurt herself. I'd hum a familiar tune or whatnot to try to calm her down. I few minutes seem like forever, but it passes. After she calms down, I ask her why she got upset and tell her to use her 'big girl' words. This seems to have helped us, but who knows with our illogical little ones. ?

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My Ds turned 3 two days ago, he just started doing it (during the day) last month, ignoring him won't help but trying to calm him down is even worse.

The worse part is, he does it in the middle of the night, he will wake up and you can't calm him down, he won't let me touch him or be next to him, I have to keep distance and wait until he calls me back.

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Oh I didn't read all the comments. But like I said in my original reply sometimes there's no consoling my son when he has a tantrum.

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feeneythepotstirrer
Thisisfeeney·Мама двоих (младенец)

That's probably why pp suggested a pack n play and not her crib. That's also why I've never put her in her crib for punishment. I'll try some of these. Thank you ladies :)

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No do not put her in her crib!!! Then she will associate being in the crib with being punished. It will make it even harder to go back to the crib for sleeping

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There's just sometimes that u need to walk away and let her finish her tantrum. If my boys are throwing a fit like that where they can't be comforted then I let them finish their fit then I'll talk to them. If I walk away it ends pretty quickly.

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I just start blurting out random words or stories for things she likes, such as, 'Unicorns, well my favourite color unicorn is pink with rainbow hair that can fly'. Sometimes my story will go for a good minute and she's all the WTF are you talking about mum or joins the story.

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feeneythepotstirrer
Thisisfeeney·Мама двоих (младенец)

Ds is using the pack n play as his crib. I could put her in her crib but then she freaks out being in her crib anyways. Ugh. I was in a situation where we were living in a hotel for almost 2 months and couldn't bring her crib. It totally messed up her sleep schedule and sleeping in her crib.

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Put her in an empty pack and play and walk away or sit on the couch but not acknowledge anything until she's calmed down?

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feeneythepotstirrer
Thisisfeeney·Мама двоих (младенец)

Tee she starts to find anything she can and throws things. That would be my only concern.

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I'll try to calm dd down but if it's just making it worse I'll put her somewhere where she hopefully can't hurt herself and tell her she need to calm down. I'll ignore it and just keep an eye on her. Sometimes if I catch her before she's hysterical or if she's just frustrated and have her take like 5 deep breaths it usually helps calm her down. Sometimes I have to do them with her.

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What happens if you just ignore it? Anything else she does that concerns you?

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feeneythepotstirrer
Thisisfeeney·Мама двоих (младенец)

She does well understanding things but she will be 2 on Wednesday. So there's still kind of a communication barrier.

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I'm so not ready to deal with tantrums! When I watch my niece she'll have at least 1 at some point especially if we try to do an outing. I normally just talk to her firmly and remind her that she promised she would be nice and she's being really naughty right now! Lol sometimes she dgaf and will continue but most times she'll whine it out for a minute or so and then get herself together. See I don't mind ignoring it and letting them scream it out (if they're having a meltdown for no reason I'm not going to have a meltdown as well trying to get them to stop) if we're at home, I just get very panicky in public because I don't want anyone to think I'm abducting some random child! Lol

If I'm going about it the wrong way someone please let me know!

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Message yaya. She has helpful and valuable advice. She may be able to help you?

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Man I know how frustrating and exhausting that can be. Ds is getting better but for a couple months there it was all I could do not to break down and cry with him. It really is hard to watch them scream like that and not be able to comfort them. I'll come back if I can think of other things that have worked. Hopefully some other ladies will have more advice. Hang in there.

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One of my 2 year olds is the same way. I just leave her be to work it out herself. When I do this, the tantrum is a lot shorter. If I mess with her, talk to her or anything it's 3x as long. Just leave her alone. If it goes on too long at that point I intervene wether she likes it or not. I'm also a huge advocate of just ignoring a tantrum.

Her twin is the exact opposite, but she has what I call "silent tantrums". She sits in the floor and kicks her legs without making a sound. I usually ignore it. When she sees I'm not paying attention she stops. As soon as I look at her she slowly sits down and starts it again. ?

It really is a phase. Eventually they out grow it. In the mean time, it breaks our hearts or makes us want to pull out our hair. It'll get better, mama!

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feeneythepotstirrer
Thisisfeeney·Мама двоих (младенец)

The the problem it lasts 5-10mins. ?

If I try to show her a toy/book or play music she gets furious. Like I can't even acknowledge her or she'll go from 0-100 in 2 seconds.

I try singing, dancing, putting on a cartoon (if I'm in a place to) offering toys, books...anything. I try sitting on the ground next to her and calmly trying to ask her what's wrong? I'm just so exhausted. It's atleast 2 a day maybe 3or 4 on really bad days.

And the triggers can be as simple as telling her she can't take my glasses off my face. Or she can't touch the tv.

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Ds is the same way. I'll let him pitch his fit but if he can't calm down after a couple minutes I'll try to distract him by playing music or pulling out a toy. If he sees me having fun he usually calms down and joins in.

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