Pregnancy after adoption...

I really appreciate the feedback. I am getting a ton of support from my friends and mother. My BD will come around he's still freaking out about it. I will see about counseling if I keep having emotional distress over it. I did go to group sessions years ago and I feel it helped. Thanks ladies! You made my day.

I don't cry every holiday or birthday but it definitely depends on the year and what is happening in my life at the time and I think that's normal. Those emotions you felt while pregnant with your first will still come up (I still have a hard time dealing with emotions I had with the baby's father) I think if they weren't coming up, you would be numb and not care passionately about your son or yourself. I plan on being completely open with my children as they get older about their half sister. I want them to know that she had many people that love her and why our family loves her even though she doesn't live with us. It may be an unconventional set up, but I want it to be the norm for my family. My husband knows that I spend a good amount of time, money, and effort when thinking about birthday or holiday gifts for her.

I personally had/have. Great relationship with my daughters mom. I am closer to her than my daughter and that's a special bond for me. I actually didn't end up telling her until quite a few months in. I was living with my bf and did not want to get married because I was pregnant (I had already gone through that and calling off a wedding once before and being pregnant wasn't a good enough reason to be married) but we had already talked about marriage before I was pregnant and the further into the pregnancy the more I knew he was who I wanted to be with. We got married and about a month later I told my daughters mom I was married AND pregnant lol the thing is I know no matter what she cares about me in a way no one else can because I gave her a beautiful child. She may not agree with some of my decisions, but I will always have a strong bond with her because of that.

I know it's stressful right now but I do promise that it gets better. It's a day to day thing and some days suck! But overall I think you're strong enough to conquer a lot more than you think. Not everyone can do what we did.

Giving up your first child has two pros. 1. You gave him an opportunity for a better life. He has parents that love him. 2. It gave you a second chance so that you could be ready to have a child. You made a brave choice and you deserve happiness

So many women on here have been through tough things and I myself am not in a good position myself. Especially with the baby's father. But that is not important to me, what is important is that I can and will provide the best for my baby and I have no worry that you won't be able to do the same. If you don't know how to tell your sons mother then don't tell her. It might open wounds that don't need to be opened. I feel for you and I wish I could take the pain away. In a way you had lost your own child, and that is not an easy thing to get over. This pregnancy alone I feel has already caused your wounds to reopen when they weren't fully healed to begin with. . And I do advise that you to seek a counselor, this seems like a very tough and rocky part in your like and the best thing you can do is to take it day by day. I myself am looking to talk to a counselor... These hormones are only making things worse! And maybe bring your bf along to a session of couples counseling since you've commented that he doesn't understand what you're going through. If he's willing too... Do you have family or friends that are able to help and support you if he is unwilling ?

Thanks everyone. Your comments made me cry, but in a good way. I want to have a healthy relationship with my baby. I will strive for that. Just everything happened so fast. I wasnt expecting to get pregnant. How do I tell my sons mom? And my situation isn't the best. I'm not living with my boyfriend we are having a rough time. He has two kids and he's scared to tell them. Such a mess I feel We have created. And it's not that I don't appreciate my sons mother, the feeling of regret hasn't subsided. Because I know that I would have been an amazing mother even if I didn't have nice things. I still find myself crying on holidays and his birthday. How do I handle that when I'm celebrating my new babies life? There are so many fears I have. And I am from Utah.

Also another random question....are you in Utah? (I'm asking because of the 801)

I just read one of your comments where you said you regretted the decision. That is something you and I vary on, there isn't a day that goes by that I know giving my baby up was THE best thing I have ever (and probably will ever) do. I don't regret it, so I am sure your feelings may be a little different. I went through a great company that provides great counseling throughout my entire pregnancy and after but I quickly came to terms and was happy about my decision. I would encourage you to talk to a counselor or someone to work through those feelings of regret? I'm not a dr nor do I hope you think I am being rude honestly just trying to offer some helpful advice.

So I think I am the first person to comment that has actually been in this situation. I'm on my third pregnancy first two were oops babies and I gave up my first daughter. She'll be 5 next month.

For me after in order to feel comfortable giving my baby up for adoption I had to realize that I knew I could be a good mother, but not as good and a child deserved at the time. With my second pregnancy especially being an oops baby I had my best friend at the time (no longer speaking) say "what will your tell your first daughter? She is going to think she wasn't good enough for you to keep" unfortunately she had never been in my shoes and was unaware that i provided a life for my first born that is way better than what I could have provided. I did the right thing by me and my daughter at the time and that has no bearing affect on my children to come. You have your child up because you loved it SO much. And because I know you have that kind of love, you will be able to love this child as much and more. You are more aware of what kind of mother you want to be because you have gone through that experience. So while I think the feelings you are feeling are perfectly normal you'll have moments of doubt and anxiety. I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to bond with my child because I made myself detach from my first born for my sanity. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it came. I do have a friend who had a similar situation as us, she did have a harder time with her pregnancy and went to counseling, but said it was the best choice she made. She did end up going on depression medication but that wasn't solely because of this situation.

Please, please let me know if you have any more questions or concerns.

I didn't give up a child for adoption or know anyone that was adopted. But I do know that when my Mom was in the process of getting divorced to my dad she had became pregnant by him again and aborted the child cuz she didn't want a 3rd child with him (I'm a twin). I wish the baby would have been born and adopted rather than aborted.

If you are ready for a baby now then don't feel guilty. You gave that baby a great life.

I haven't given a child up for adoption but my sister and I were both adopted so I can offer you a different perspective.

I found my birth mom 5 years ago when I was 23 through Facebook. We exchanged emails for a little bit then started talking on the phone daily then she flew out for a visit. She told me that she gave me up for adoption because she was 13 when she had me. Later she told me that she had an abortion a few years before we met when her and her husband accidentally got pregnant, they weren't married yet at the time. I thought that was crazy that you'd choose to give one child life at 13 but at 30+ abort it but I guess I just feel lucky.

My sisters birth mom found her a few years ago and she is now married and has two children. At first my sister had a hard time with it but after talking with her and hearing her moms reasons she understood. She was single 19 years old and in no position to raise a happy child. At the end of the day my sister and I are grateful for our mom's decisions as we have amazing parents and we're a very close family.

You can't punish yourself. You made such an unselfish decision to ensure their happiness and you too deserve to be happy.

You can't hold onto that guilt. You have to let it go. Just try to think that your previous child was never yours in the first place. It was meant for that family. You blessed someone else with that baby. I don't know what you're going through and I'm no expert but just try to look at the positives. This one is yours and this was meant to be! It's not the first child's fault, it's not your fault, and it's not this new babies fault. That first child will always have a place in your heart, so don't feel guilty. Keep your head up and if you need to talk to someone, seek a professional. Good luck to you mama and congrats! Babies are a blessing and try to just enjoy this! Ok? Sending prayers your way...

Aww hun I have a feeling this is probably a normal reaction after going through what you have with your first babe. Have you ever thought about joining a support group or talking to a counselor? Sometimes when we have a big change in our life it will stir up old feelings. :)

Thank you! This is hard. Giving my first up was the hardest decision of my life. He has an amazing family and he knows who I am. He lives 12 hours away and I haven't seen him face to face since 5 days after I gave birth. I get pictures all the time. But I still regret making that decision although he has an amazing life I couldn't provide when I had him. My life is much different from that time. And I know I will be a good mom. I fear that I will be distant emotionally and that I will have nightmares about losing the one I'm carrying now. I'm only 5 weeks so it's not far into it. But I'm already showing and I only found out last week. I feel I didn't have time to let it sink in before the bump came. Oh boy... I didn't think of how difficult this could be.

I've never been in your situation so advice is definitely hard to give but I'd love to give support!! You are amazing and you gave that baby and that family a life that they may not have gotten if it wasn't for your selfless act. You do not need to punish your self for doing the best you possibly could for your first child and now being in a better point of your life you deserve this chance to get to have a baby to keep and take care of in a way that you wouldn't have before. Don't ever feel bad for giving up that first baby. And especially don't feel bad for getting to keep this one. You deserve this. Your first child deserved the life you gave him. You are amazing!! It might held to start a journal for your first child (incase you ever get the chance to see him when he's older) but it also might just help you to get your thoughts and feelings out on paper and maybe help get over some of the pain you feel. I really hope you can find relief from your pain and realize how amazing you are. Good luck sweetie!!

I have never put a child up for adoption but I can imagine the feeling of loss and guilt you feel. I suffered through a miscarriage and had some similar feelings when I fell pregnant this time. What you did was the most unselfish thing you could do. You gave your child a chance at a stable and happy life. I'm sure your in a better place now and can now give this child what you might not have been able to give that one at the time. Try not to be hard on yourself. You are going to be a wonderful mom. :)