Did you have trouble getting your husband on board w/IVF?
My husband just told me he's not sure he wants to do IVF after 2 IUI's. One was a chemical and my 3rd pregnancy and 3rd loss. He thinks we can just get pregnant on our own and is worried about losing the money if IVF doesn't work or ends in another MC. I told him I would do PGS to lessen the chance of MC but yes it could still happen. I don't understand why he thinks we can get pregnant on our own with a 5% chance since we are unexplained and have recurrent MC's. All of our tests come back with no reason as to why I miscarry, so I can't help but think it's a chromosome issue with the embryos and the PGS testing could help. I'm so angry because his mom told him we should "pause" when it comes to fertility treatments and she has 3 children all easily conceived. I can't imagine standing still and doing nothing to help our chances. It would push me over the edge into depression. We have the money for IVF, we won't be put into debt so what is the problem? He doesn't have to put a dollar towards it if he doesn't want to because I have my own savings and my dad is willing to pay for half. He finally agreed to do IVF but after one cycle, if it doesn't work he says he'll need a break. I know it isn't easy on him but MY body is/will be enduring all the hard stuff so I don't understand his feelings. We've only done two back to back cycles of IUI and 14 months of ttc naturally before that after my 2nd (our 1st) mc happened. (my 1st mc was nearly 10 yrs ago with an ex) I feel like it's worth the risk of the money being lost and the stress if we might get a baby!
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I get it, as my husband was the same. For years he insisted we should carry on trying naturally, and was extremely resistant to getting tested or starting treatment. It’s a lot of strain on the marriage, and builds tons of resentment. The thing is us women have a primal drive to get pregnant RIGHT NOW, because we have a deadline. No matter how much a man wants a child, it wouldn’t come close to a woman’s desire for a baby. They have all the time in the world, we don’t. And the more time passes, the more anxious we get. So I understand that you would plunge into depression if you “paused”. And don’t get me started on mother-in-laws!! Maybe just don’t share any information with her? Keep her out of the loop so she doesn’t influence your husband with her opinion on your life? I let my MIL in on my last ivf cycle, and I swear it was bad karma. The cycle failed and she didn’t as much as express an iota of compassion. She has no idea we’re doing a second cycle right now! And btw, I paid for both cycles, so my DH didn’t spend a penny. He wants a baby desperately, but it took him years and years to understand and accept the need for treatment. There’s no shortcut to winning over your DH, I just hope he will realize how important it is to you to continue. Good luck ❤️
You can also check with your clinic to see if they offer any type of “shared risk” program. That’s what I’m currently doing. If after 6 cycles you don’t bring home a baby you get a big chunk of your money back. I think men are inclined to think that we are being overly dramatic and that relaxing and trying naturally will eventually work. We have kept my husband’s parents out of the loop bc they are old fashioned and wouldn’t understand ivf and didn’t want any issues of them treating our future child differently.