As my daughter sleeps in my arms i write this.. I think, five months old in two days. I look back and realise the day she was born I was also given achance to live again. To push myself far beyond my breaking point and experience my loved ones pick me up from my deepest sorrows. The way of the world and my perception and values were strongly shaked, tested and at times destroyed. How blessed am I to reavaluate my self, I thank our Precious Daughter for insipiring me keep trying to find my truest light. My journey reminds me of art.. Starting with a blank canvis full of desire and passion. At the begining I started with a clear direction or "perspective" of what I wanted my picture to be. I hoped to be an amazing wife and mother. To keep the house clean and to do it all. As the colours were painted as they merged and mixed from brush to canvis.. Well.. Things became messy. Self doubt ate my inner core.. Tears of my soul poured thru. An anger I never knew or denied I possed arose and defect at times sunk in.. As moms we just keep going right? We just suck it up and smile right? I cant give up on my daughter or take a break right..? I cant feel frustrated or I am an unworth mother right?

These thoughts swirled around being rechanged rediped reinvisioned time and time again. Some night were really scarry in my mind. I felt like I Was in a glass box. There standing with lights around me friends family community keeping me hopeful but I forgot to let them in at times. No day is really good or bad yet more filled with emotion, Decision, Perception and chances. When i decided to challange myself to love myself more and promote my choices my decisions my perspective and take my chances each day offered me.. Things changed. With every frustration or moment or doubt I challenged myself to take my truest refelection.. Why did I feel this, how did I decided this representation. Who or what or even where the hell did I get these Ideas from.. I am beyond beyond appreciative to have my husband ( I call him this because of the love and dedication towards myself and our Daughter he has given. No ring or material or pen to paper will change this). For someone to love you so much that they can allow you to change your mind your mood your direction and the very you you thought you were and not only have acceptance but support. He supports me in all my changes this to me is love.. As my picture of what a mother should be is shaped and created from the colours I associate my canvis my vision has completly been remolded. The beauty of painting is you can do touch ups here and there,Take time to think thru it, add highlights and appreciate the darks and shadows and hey if nessisary start fresh. The beauty is tho the paint ubderneath isnt gone isnt lost just like me. Every mistake or tear laughter or choice change or day i do "nothing" means something. Today I write this to honor my truest self.. I am just as light as I am Dark but apainting needs all colours to have depth andtexture. I am honored to be a wife to an amazing supportive partner. To be amother a mommy to a every growing beautiful daughter whos canvis has just begun. If this is the changes that the challenges have brought to me.. I say I stand and I say bring it on for with each fight comes reward and a place to understand myself that much more. Its not easy and i find myself lost but today I remember how far I have pushed how long I have been running from my voice my honor my inner respect as an individual. If someone doesnt like or see my truth or appreciate my vision then good that means there standing for what they feel as we all should. Tomorrow is a new day but today isnt over quite yet.

Love and light to all and taking a little light and giving it to myself. Thank you everyone for every moment of support in thought in action in challenging me in conflicting ideas for all of this is allowing me to become my truest reflection.

Love and light 💜🌞