any single mom advice on deciding who to put (or NOT put) on the birth certificate?? Messages, anything is welcome,…

@mommyof2girlz exactly! Great example and I don't want it to be like that.. But if I'm trying to communicate and he isn't responding and pretending this isn't happening any more there's not much I can do about it

@lexinamarie, it all comes down to the best interest of your child. My husband never MET his father until he was 16 years old. His mother kept him from him. Why, we'll never know the truth because the stories are so off. But his mom suffers from mental illness. My husband was born in California and she moved them to Massachusetts when he entered school. His father searched for him for years. Wanted to be involved, pay child support, and couldn't. Somehow a court document came to his mother's for his dad (this is what my husband tells me). He was able to fly out at 16 and meet him with his mom. He traveled to Mexico and met his extended family (unfortunately, his grandparents had passed). He went out again at 18 and spent the summer with his father. That's the last time they've seen each other. However, every Sunday they FaceTime and his dad is coming out this summer to meet his grandchildren.

As for his mom, we barely communicate with her due to reasons. And a lot stems from not having a relationship with his dad growing up.

Knowing that I can change it later on is comforting, but I also don't mind him having his "rights" I just wish he wanted them for her..

@mommyof2girlz my thoughts go EVERYWHERE all the time it's driving me insane, I just want to do what's best for my baby girl .. on one hand the facts are that he said he wants to be there for "his kid but not for my psychotic ass" then a month later never answered me when I asked him if he wants to know the gender ... on the other hand it's hard because I do know who he is, I don't know exactly what to say to her in due time it all plays a factor in her whole life! It's crazy!

I'm not a single mom but I've seen lots of different situations due to my career. Putting him on holds him accountable for child support. However, if he decides to be involved; going to court can give him this right as well. Now, not every guy is a "deadbeat" father because they aren't held accountable.

I just listened to my husband's cousin over dinner tell us who HE wants to be involved with his son, gain custody and be a great dad. His ex saw how he could give him things and took seeing him away (even though he pays child support).

@lexinamarie, I’m in FL. I’ll track him down for you. 😉

Pleeeeaaase put him on child support. I didn’t push the issue with my ex. I wish I had. It’s now five years later and I’m just now filing for it. Loooong story. He tried to make me feel bad for him because he’s broke.

I’m broke too! Babies are expensive and I was a single mom for 6 years until my bf came along! Don’t let him take advantage of you.

@lexinamarie Like my bd wasn't around for me but wanna pop up when the baby was born and try to take over the birth registering papers filling it out when it was gave to ME. I even told the birth certificate lady about it. She's like "oh no honey. That's for YOU to fill out, you re the mother that just had the baby, That's why I gave it to you" then she was like "at the end of the day you the one who had the baby so you're the one who has the final say so in the name, you put what you want. She was like I deal with this all the time, the dad acting in control just to get his name on that paper then be nowhere to be found when it's time to care for the child"... She was right lol. And like I said I have no regrets on any of it.... If he isn't around then I personally wouldn't put it. You can change it later if he steps it up and shows you he's a good father and provider for the child. But it's really all up to you on what you wanna do. But just know if You put him on there then he has just as much rights as you, even if he isn't a good dad. And if you put him on child support they will get paternity done and he will have rights. That's why I don't ask for zip from my bd. I got him with whatever he needs or wants.

@lovemyson215 loving your energy and strength 😍😍 thank you ! I completely agree that's how I've been explaining it to my grandparents !

Mine hasn't really been around for my son either. Shoot he wasn't even around for me when I was pregnant. Always left me to hang with his friends so I knew he wouldn't be around for my son..he came to see my son a total of maybe 10 times. He would come just to show off to his mom and his gf and take pics like "oh I seen my son" or use to stunt on facebook posting my baby like "I'm such a good dad" he came Whenever he felt like it once a month sometimes then sometimes once every 3 months in his first year of life. I don't regret my decision of not putting him on the bc nor do I regret giving my baby my last name. I do everything on my own. That's MY baby.

@lovemyson215 that's kind of where I'm at right now

@lulu85_18 child support is a big concern of mine I told him to make his decision, it started with him there but MIA now ... also lives in FL where I am in NH.. i don't want to force him to give me $$ but I also let myself get walked on sometimes

Thank you guys all of your input!

I think the baby’s father name should be on the birth certificate unless he forfeits his rights or refuses to acknowledge the child. Do you plan on seeking child support?

There are many pros to including it. Here’s a good article: https://www.thespruce.com/naming-the-father-on-the-birth-certificate-2997442

@lexinamarie I understand. You do what you want. Women just have a misconception that they get to control the birth certificate and last name. My son's dad wasn't in his life until he was 1 and he was still able to get on the certificate and change his last name.

@worlds.okayest.mom that's the whole thing though, he's not really around what so ever .. I don't know if he will even care or be told when I have her.. his choice

I didn't put my bd on the birth certificate. Which he was a no show to sign the affidavit in the hospital anyways so oh well lmao but yeah we wasn't married so I didn't feel the need to put his name on it. I didn't give my baby his last name neither.. It's your choice if you want the father on the bc or not if you're not married.

If you don't do it, he can petition to be put on it. So, it really doesn't matter if you do or not.

If your not married don’t put the father on it