How do you be happy...

How am I supposed to behave, act and feel...

On December 22, 2017 I had a still born baby at 16 weeks. We went in to find out the gender and left finding out our baby was gone. She died at 13 weeks.

We just found out today it was due to Trisomy 18.

I have 2 sister in laws. We all got pregnant a few weeks apart... as their pregnancy goes on without me I’m really struggling.

Today I found out why my baby died. Today my sister in law found out she was having a little girl.

And I know it’s just going to get harder.

The day I got my baby’s ashes back, in her tiny little urn, my youngest sister in law got to hear her baby’s heart beat.

How do I cope. How do I move on.

This isn’t my first loss. I miscarried two years ago. But this one is really weighing on me.

The first time you feel helpless, yet guilty.

The second time you just feel like a failure...

I just know I’m supposed to be happy for them, and I am. It’s a great time in their life. But every bump picture, every announcement, every weekly update, every happy moment. It kills me.