Ok so I haven’t been on here in a while, so hi mommies, how you all been? Kinda weird to all post out of the blue but…

Ok so I haven’t been on here in a while, so hi mommies, how you all been? Kinda weird to all post out of the blue but I’m kinda at a loss for what to do and I am hoping for fresh perspectives, and thinking my hubby won’t read this....

My daughter is 15 months old tomorrow. While I was pregnant with her, my husband developed a drinking problem. When she was 4 months old he lost his job. I quickly got a better job than I had had before but I still wasn’t able to make what he had been making, plus our healthcare now costs a lot more, so we moved in with his parents a couple months later.

I was hopeful that being at his folks house would curb his drinking as he wouldn’t want them to see him all messed up, and it did... for a while. Then after a few months it got SO bad they were toying with the idea of kicking him out. He actually got physical with me for the first time ever, picking me up off my feet and throwing me down on my back on the living room floor while our daughter, who he had plucked from my arms and plopped on the couch directly beforehand, looked on, crying. I very nearly called it off that day, but he was very apologetic later that I was hurt, and to his credit he hasn’t laid a hand on me since.

A few weeks ago he actually got sober and I was starting to see the man I feel in love with again. For a couple weeks life was really good, but then again he started drinking again (my fault, of course) and it all went back to the way I felt before when he was drinking. He tries to make me feel bad about myself, he blames me for everything that is imperfect about our lives, says he can’t get a job because he needs to watch Emma (hello childcare) and this makes me feel depressed.

I am to the point now that I hate his drunk side. I want my husband back, but he won’t admit he has a problem. “Don’t blame the booze” and everything is my fault “you’re the worst thing that ever happened to me” he spouts at me between the night shifts I am working trying to support our family and pay down his debts.

When he is sober I see glimpses of the man I feel in love with. When he is really drunk I am afraid of him, that he may lose control and try to hurt me again or worse, that he may inadvertently hurt our daughter.

I need to rescue him from his addiction, but I don’t know how. Does anybody know how?