Hi my name is Casey , soon to be 20 . I've seen a lot with in 20 years and experienced a lot. As a…

Hi my name is Casey , soon to be 20 . I've seen a lot with in 20 years and experienced a lot. As a kid my father cheated on my mom and left her to give birth to me alone all by herself with nobody by her side. I was left in the nicu due to leukemia detected in my blood count, later as the years passed my father never spoke to me or spent time with me.. he loved my older sister .. he would take her to all sorts of places an I would stay home with my mom.. my sister was my abuser ,my bully.. she was no sister . When I was 2 She would suffocate me with pillows to the point I'd pass out , she's 6 years older than me and new better and knew what she was doing , she would beat me for the many years to come , I often remember her trying to cut me with knives , and even at times dragging me by my hair just to do her chores . Even as far as to letting her older friends beat me too and pick on me.i even remember at one point I was 5 and she started to beat me really bad for not making her a sandwich , to the point where she put me in a closet with cat litter and make me kneel on it till my knees bled . My mother never witnessed the horrifying things she did to me. She was always trying to harm me and I never knew why, why me ? "I had gone through so much already ,why God why .. why can't you let me have a better sister or a better family,I just wanna kill myself ".. i thought about suicide at age 6 .. at that time .. I was being molested by a teacher and even raped by a man who we called a family friend.. he raped me while 4 men held me down and took something from I will never get back even as far as to ruining my lady parts down there ,I remember hearing I couldn't bare children nor carry a human ,and as for the teacher he never got his punishment .. you can see why I just wanted to end my life.. as I got bigger kids in school would bully me.. I couldn't even be happy at home or school . My main bully lived with me and the others I had to see everyday for school. . I couldn't win . As I got bigger the bullying got worse a person whom I trusted told everyone in school I wasn't a virgin. . Little did they know I was raped .. boys started to call me slut and hoe little did they know I was raped . .I couldn't deal with it . So I started to cut my wrist and my whole entire body with a sharp razor . I couldn't stop and I didn't want to . I didn't wanna feel anymore pain . . I ended up skipping school and acting out because I had no other way to cope. Once highschool came the bullying got worse ..Life was so difficult .. I didn't have my dad , I didn't have a place to call home , I was being abused , I was being molested for a long time.. I couldn't do it anymore so I took a whole bottle of pills .. at school and all I remember was throwing up all the pills .."wtf".. I thought .I wanted to end up dead nobody understands me .. as I turned 18 I left my mother's house and started to feel free , that pain and burden was no longer there. . I felt alive. I started to party hard and started to live but the wrong way . I was smoking, drinking,popping pills and doing even more .. even though I was free the abuse never fully left , I was trying to party off some pain and numb it . The fact is that never helps . It never will. I saw myself going down the wrong way .. I felt so alone , I remember one night wanting a baby who could love me ,and I could hold and protect .. but I remembered I couldn't ..but that didn't stop me from trying . I gave up all the other stuff but smoking weed since it helped me be content . But I remembered trying and trying and trying till I gave up , then god blessed me with my beautiful son gage . That day I found out I was pregnant I didn't even feel anymore hurt I felt Happy ..I turned my life around and now I have my beautiful miracle baby . He's helped me so much nd he's everything to me. Yes I still get sad but when I talk to the ladies on here I feel as if they get it. . This is me Casey . A broken heart who was fulfilled by my son . I'm sorry if this could be so much but I felt like you all needed to know who I truly was

#metoo