KINDA long may be a trigger ** but jus some things going on

My baby is about to be a week old towmarro it's flown by so fast I'm still adjusting but it's starting to get better I love her so much tonight I will be leaving her with her dad to go to do our paper route he has been working so hard I wanna give him a break it jus makes me so nervous to leave he's still adjusting as well so it's like ahhh and if he were to fall asleep he's hard to wake up I told him he has to text me while I'm gone !!! He said he would so we shall see how this goes ! I want to loose weight now this is my goal ! I know this is horrible but I remember when I was younger and in elementary I was embarrassed by my mom cause kids would say stuff I don't want my daughter to have to be that way I struggled with a eating disorder most of my life sometimes worse then others trying to keep my self on the right track and eating but it's so tempting I jus want to look good too and feel better about my self my emotions have been wack a doodle to I thought that would be done after I had her but no -_- I have so much to learn still sometimes I feel so lost !! And I worry so much if I'm healing ok if she is ok if I'm doing things right if I'm being a bad mom !!