Does anyone else have this problem with their marriage/relationship? About 90% of me and my husband's complaints about…

@joanna.davis men only treat us the way we treat them. So lead by example. Show him how you want him to react and respond by doing it first. Even when its not reciprocated. Its such a great exercise in self control you feel amazing afterwards knowing that you kept your cool and were the better person when times were heated. 💕💪

@joanna.davis, it’s so hard too because it’s like if I make any kind of mistake he starts bombarding me with why I do it. Like for example: I was his plus 1 to this wedding last Saturday, but that morning I had totally forgot about it because the people I don’t know personally. He told “I knew you were going to do this! Say you’d come, and then back out last minute to make me look like an idiot!”

But I didn’t even remember saying yes I would go. at all. And then I got around to go and all morning while I was getting ready, he was just treating me so awfully.... even despite the fact that I was going to make him happy. :( & he thinks every mistake I make is on purpose for some evil reason and it’s just not...

but anyone else makes a mistake and he automatically defends them or gives them the benefit of the doubt

I just feel like I’m on the bottom of the totem pole

It’s hard. I don’t know what to do.

I try constantly to

@carathecoolcat my situation is definitely a communication issue, but it sounds like yours is just a very selfish partner 😕

I think most men are pretty selfish in relationships anyway, some are just worse than others.

@believeinbuddha I hold my tongue on the majority of things. I can't stand to get into any kind of disagreement with him, because I always end up crying, whether I'm angry, sad, or whatever. It's hard to have a productive conversation if you can't stop from crying 😣

@joanna.davis, at least he asks you how you feel. he must really care.

Because my SO does not care about my feelings at all it feels like.

Only his.

He will do something I don’t like and i get upset but he doesn’t care or change. If I do the same thing or something similar he freaks out. He’s just worried about how things affect him or make him feel.... not me :(

@believeinbuddha I think the biggest issue is that I don't voice my opinion unless I feel strongly about the topic, or know that I have facts to back up what I'm talking about. So, I usually don't say anything one way or another in other circumstances. I guess I should start validating him on the times that I just don't say anything, so it doesn't seem like I'm always opposing him.

I've actually been the one who most needs physical affection through out our relationship, that's why I was so surprised to hear him say that. Physical touch is my love language, his is acts of service.

@joanna.davis, awww man! I hope it gets better after baby comes 😔

I had to learn to pick my battles and hold my tongue. But it helps me. We get along so much better now. There is a healthy way to argue and it includes the right tone of voice, body posture and gestures, and our choice of words

@kkmamax3 the few times we've done anything sexual lately, he hadn't "finished." Really bothered me, I figured it was because I'm big and pregnant and he's just not into it though. I asked him, and he said I act as if it's a chore, and I could at least act like I enjoy it.... I'm like, whaaaa? There's pretty much nothing I enjoy more than being intimate with him.

So, it's like we're just miserable people, and were projecting these ideas onto one another, where we see something that isn't even there. Ugh.

We have to remember this; listen to HEAR ... Not just listen to reply.

@joanna.davis sounds like you need to sound more willing to accept his idea or work with him on a compromise. And affection is huge. For us if I go a day or two without even touching him we fight. No matter what. Men need reassurance. They need to know that we are still interested.

@carathecoolcat I'm usually the one to apologize first too. But he responds, and his apology is sincere, he usually tears up and hugs me tightly.

My husband asked me today for a percentage of how often I am happy with our marriage, I said 40%. That answer seemed to really upset him.

@joanna.davis, very confusing!

@kkmamax3 There's pretty much never a time that I don't want to be affectionate or intimate, I just always felt like it wasn't reciprocated. Which is the same way he's apparently been feeling. It's so confusing.

@joanna.davis, I’m always the one who apologize first or breaks the silence with a “white flag”

And I never get anything back. Never. And if I do it’s so insincere and only because I did first. And it’s always “I’m sorry you feel that way”

So he’s sorry for how I feel, instead of saying sorry for what he’s actually done to make me feel that way.

So again, avoiding taking responsibility. Always. :(

I am so unhappy like 80% of the time.

@lovelily We have a ton of differences too, actually that's what makes it so confusing that most of our complaints of one another are the same. We have very different opinions on most things, and different strengths and weaknesses. You'd think we would be driving one another crazy for totally different reasons.

Your comment, is my life right now 😩 and I know me not wanting to be affectionate is starting to affect him, but seriously I don’t wanna be touched sexually 😔

@carathecoolcat my husband is the same way, but he insists I'm the one that is "always right" 😥 We rarely get into actual arguments, usually just little disagreements here and there that we both decide to walk away from unresolved. But when we do get into a big fight, it always ends with both of us apologizing and promising to try harder. Things get better for awhile, and then it seems like we just fall back into the same old crap.

Two people who are exactly the same -- are like two puzzle pieces that don't fit together. One has to lack something the other has and vice versa, in order to complete the puzzle. It's like if I ever met myself I would probably hate myself because I would have nothing to offer that the other self didn't already have, liked, or hated. I was going for a point here but I seem to have lost it. 🤔

@joanna.davis, yeah exactly.

But somehow he can NEVER be wrong no matter what, and I’m ALWAYS wrong. Period. He will argue until his face is blue and he pushes blame everywhere else. He can’t accept responsibility for anything. Treats me like gutter trash and NEVER EVER EVER NEVER EVER apologizes for ANYTHING.

😞

@carathecoolcat it's SO frustrating. You'd think it would be super easy to make one another happy if you have the same complaints.

@believeinbuddha Mostly it's money, and how we disagree on what things we need to buy, what things we don't. We rarely actually have a fight, but when we do all of the things that are making us miserable in our marriage come up.

He says I shut down all of his opinions and say the opposite, about anything ever, and I feel he does the same thing.

He says he caves on everything I ever want, but I feel like I'm usually the one caving in to him.

The one that surprised me the most was today, he said I never kiss him, hug him, tell him I love him, etc. Which is true, it's gotten to where we are very rarely affectionate. But he says he stopped trying because I wasn't trying, but that's the same exact reason I stopped trying 😟

We communicate horribly. Even when we try to talk things out, it's usually as if we are hearing something other than what the other is saying.

That is literally the story of my life

Yes we used to at first but then we started to communicate better. What are your fights about? Is it something fixable?