I have a long message typed up to send my boyfriend about what’s on my mind and why I’ve been distant but I’m scared to…

@courtneyraelochamy you can't be scared you gotta fight don't let a man control you and second off NEVER let a man think it's okay for you to be scared of them, and all you want to do is talk? And your scared shitless that ain't right boo. if your scared that right there is not okay you should never be scared of the one you love. I just pray it's either he changes for you and your baby if not then I pray you will be strong enough to leave and know that that's the best decision you will make for the long run..you might not like it now but later you will have relief. Let us know how it goes. Again if you don't want to talk to him in person just text it now before tomorrow

@courtneyraelochamy, I think you need to say that if that's how you feel. However I personally wouldn't jump to saying maybe I'm not the one for you, because that might make him get defensive. But I had a similar issue with my husband and when I brought it up he showed me everything and explained everything to me and he was not defensive at all. It put my worries to rest. And my opinion is if he gets defensive, that's a huge red flag... I would say that or you're never going to trust him. You need to get it out in the open.

Alsoooooo you don't have to explain anything to us. About the porn or whatever because every relationship is different, and I get that's what you both agreed on so no judgement there.

@courtneyraelochamy you can't be scared you gotta fight don't let a man control you and second off NEVER let a man think it's okay for you to be scared of them, and all you want to do is talk? And your scared shitless that ain't right boo. if your scared that right there is not okay you should never be scared of the one you love. I just pray it's either he changes for you and your baby if not then I pray you will be strong enough to leave and know that that's the best decision you will make for the long run..you might not like it now but later you will have relief. Let us know how it goes. Again if you don't want to talk to him in person just text it now before tomorrow

@zanesmama9496, I’m honestly too scared... I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t in this situation

He'll get it when he wakes up

I understand though, I make excuses for my boyfriend's video game habits. There are just things our men need to do to grow up and work on themselves.

@courtneyraelochamy girl then just text it right now

@courtneyraelochamy I hope you can stay strong hun I really do because that is not okay and you need to now think for your baby and if the things he does you don't want around your baby then go with that and leave his ass.

@zanesmama9496, I’d rather do it through text but he went to bed and said we will talk about it in person tomorrow. I’m scared

@courtneyraelochamy would it be better just over texting tho? You say he has anger problems so I don't know to what consent but I just don't want him to flash out on you or anything and thinking you went threw is phone or some shit. Because you defiantly don't need that shit your 10 weeks away from having your baby and that's too much

@damiensmommy1117, I know it’s really wrong of him and I shouldn’t make excuses for him like I do

He better not get all in your face again. It irritates the shit out of me that he does that, whether he has issues or not, that's not something a child should ever see.

@zanesmama9496, he said we will talk about it in person tomorrow I didn’t send that message I told him I had stuff I wanted to talk about but am too scared to talk about it. He had really bad anger issues but if does what he has done in the past I am telling him leave my house and don’t bother coming back

@courtneyraelochamy the fb thing my fiance and I did too but now we both have a fb only with close friends and family so we each only have like 50 friends on there but most are family. I don't like mine watching porn either I would always wonder why he needs another girl to look at while getting aroused and it would practically feel to me that he wanted her idk he understands tho so we took our own videos and such maybe tmi but that did help him and he even said he wanted that but he didn't want to ask me and make me feel bad or idk buuut if he does watch a little porn here and there then like pp said i don't want to know it's not a big deal as long as I don't see it but I haven't at all in a year since I sent him pics and videos ect..on the other hand i 1000% trust him so I don't need to go threw his phone we set our phones and have the same password as eachother I used to be paranoid but that was me not him and I still to this day feel stupid😒 but if you actually have had problems with him lying and or cheating or deleting things then maybe you should tell him you want a break or tell him your leaving until he decides what he wants..my fiance goes threw my phone all the time but he has a reason too he's never once in the 8 years together talked or looked at another girl like that but I have talked to my ex girlfriend a couple times when we were in a argument so I understand why he does that. But you need to do what will make you and your baby happier at the end. If he's going to still do this shit when your baby's here, you don't want to fight and such infront of lil one and your not going to want all that your going to want a stress free environment..If he doesn't help with that and understand your wishes then I would.suggest move on or at least take a break until he proves he's changed

Yes girl send it. Get it off your chest, your feelings matter

I think you should send it and get it off your chest

@courtneyraelochamy

You don't sound crazy to me, I completely understand why you wouldn't want him on both of those things, especially since there seems to be a trust issue and some things in the past. There are a few things from my own relationship's past that still have a hold on things my boyfriend is allowed to do or not. I really hope he bucks up and starts being honest with you. That's really the only way a relationship can work and not be exhausting.

@courtneyraelochamy sounds likr me honestly. We don't use fb either and we don't watch porn. I found that not looking threw his phone helped mr alot. I trust him 100% to not cheat tho and thats why im okay with not looking threw it. If hes gonna watch porn i rather not know about it. But if u cant trust him maybe its time to leave him?but i feel ya girl i been there also. My bf still goes threw my phone

@courtneyraelochamy, I think you need to say that if that's how you feel. However I personally wouldn't jump to saying maybe I'm not the one for you, because that might make him get defensive. But I had a similar issue with my husband and when I brought it up he showed me everything and explained everything to me and he was not defensive at all. It put my worries to rest. And my opinion is if he gets defensive, that's a huge red flag... I would say that or you're never going to trust him. You need to get it out in the open.

Alsoooooo you don't have to explain anything to us. About the porn or whatever because every relationship is different, and I get that's what you both agreed on so no judgement there.

I know it’s long but that’s the message. And I know I sound crazy about no Facebook but he and I both agreed to delete all that due to people trying to get in our relationship and personal things. And I’m just big about him not watching porn. I know sounds picky but he is like that with me.

@courtney.welsh, @damiensmommy1117, @zanesmama9496, This is what’s bothering me and on my chest. It’s long. So actually take the Time to read it ALL. And respond without anger and being mean and not try to be sarcastic or make excuses.. I keep having dreams about you hiding things from me and deleting things off your phone. I haven’t been through your phone in months. Well the other morning while getting ready for work my phone was on charge in the floor and I was standing up so I clicked your phone to see the time and saw you had a message from Ethan “Queefen” which I didn’t care it’s just a message from your friend whatever. That’s all I done was look at the time didn’t think anything of it at all. Went to work and didn’t think anything of it. Anyway the other day I had the dreams again and it bothered me more than normal so yes I was quiet toward you. You came back in and went to take a shower from outside and your phone started playing music (I’m not lying about that at all) so I got it and went to clear your pandora so it wouldn’t play again. Then something told me to go look at your messages so I did to see if you were deleting them. I didn’t go through them reading them I went to see if things were being deleted and to my surprise. Yeah. They are. And we have talked about not doing it. You didn’t have any messages from Ethan when I know you had a message from him the other day and I know you guys text at some point. So that bothered me. Then I went to treys messages to see if you’re deleting his to and lookie there. Yep. You only had like three messages from him. I didn’t read what they said because that’s not what I was trying to do. I was seeing if you’re still hiding things from me and deleting and you are. It bothers me. We have been together almost 3 years and you still have to hide shit from me by deleting messages from your friends and only god knows who else. I don’t delete my messages. I keep them so if you want to go through my phone you’ll see I’m not deleting anything. So it makes me think. One why do you have to delete your messages from your friends. What are you saying or they saying that you have to hide from me. Are you doing shit behind my back like smoking or drinking and talking about it with them or hanging out with other girls and deleting it hoping I won’t see. 2 who else could you be texting and deleting messages from. 3 what are you clearing from your browser history on your phone because if you’re hiding something in your messages you are also probably hiding something there too and deleting it hoping I won’t see. Whether it’s you getting on facebook. Which is a big no no. Looking at porn. I told you that I consider that cheating and if you continue to do it I’m done. Or on something you aren’t supposed to be on. And all this also makes me wonder are you downloading certain apps and deleting them when you come to see me. I want to know the truth and I want it now. Because you deleting stuff messages even now after being with me for three years is very shady. Disrespectful and down right stupid. I don’t want to be with someone who feels like they have to delete everything from their phone. Or someone who is keeping things from me. I know I deserve better than that. And honestly there isn’t an excuse for it Brandon. So tell the truth. Because I can show you I don’t delete my messages or clear my browser history. I have messages that go back to when I first got this phone. I want someone who is going to be 100% honest and loyal with me. Especially if I am sitting here carrying his child. I won’t put up with it. Not now or ever. I want to marry someone who can be real with me and not do things behind my back. I know we have both done wrong in the past and fixed it. But I thought we had both matured and decide we are who we want to be with now and don’t want to do anything to ruin it. So idk why this is still happening. Maybe I’m just not the one for you in your eyes.

@zanesmama9496, he is the type to only read parts of a message then make excuses and try to blame me

Do you think he'll be understanding in the end tho ? I know my man needs time to really see what I'm saying and then he'll come and talk to.me about it when he's ready...you know your man so I'm not sure how he takes things but if it needs to be said and you've been holding it in then you need to speak what's on your mind. Especially before little one comes that's what my fiance and I are doing talking out stuff that needs to be talked about and he wants it done before little guy gets here so it's all sorted out.

I've been there before.. I always end up sending it because I think about how nothing is going to change or get better if I don't communicate how I'm feeling. Yeah there could be a fight, but the fight won't last forever. If you don't tell him you'll start feeling miserable.

If you truly mean what you want to say, you need to do it because if not it'll est you up and you'll resent him. You just need to get it out so you both can work on it