I'm watching this OWN special called Black Love and it's basically celebrity couples that have been married for a long time sharing thier stories of how they met, the trials they'd been through, the changes they experienced and what they've learned along the way... It's beautiful. I often think about my failed relationship with my child's father and everything we had been through together and how I would rationalize things much in the same way as I'm seeing these couples rationalize through thier difficulties and how no matter how much I empathized, forgave, tried new forms of communication I could never get the same in return infact it was almost always met with more disrespect, abuse, ignorance and intentional pain. I knew I simply didn't have a true partner anymore. I knew that I had been used and decieved and above that I noticed that my child wasn't receiving the love or attention he deserved either and was even being bullied at times by his own father at only a few months old. I immidiately got us out of that situation and not a moment too soon... What I'm getting at is I can't help but feel like I made a bad choice and it's always going to affect me and my son's life in a negative way because of this decision I made. I feel guilt and embarrassment sometimes for not just making the decision or being decieved into a decision to have a child with this person but I feel guilt for even thinking about it like that because I love my son so much. The main thing that eats at me is that I feel that because of my bad decision -I robbed my child of a family by chosing a man that obviously wasn't fit to be his father. But in reality my son would've never existed without him... I just had to get this off of my chest. My question for other moms that have maybe experienced something like this or have been through this and now have older kids is how did you move on? How is your relationship with your child? Are they resentful of thier lack of family ? I just want to know if things get better and how I can help them get that way I guess.
Комментарии
Wow thank you. The hardest part has been blaming myself because it was so easy to do and think that maybe it really was me that I did something to deserve being treated like that, and he would always make me feel that way. I would ask why do you treat me like that why do you talk to me like that and he'd say its because I'm fat, I'm not as kept up as I used to be, I'm a bitch, I don't cook enough clean enough, fuck enough Im not woman enough. But once I started noticing his relationship with our son it just didn't add up anymore, our son is his own being and I was afraid that his hate for me would spill over to our son. I couldn't trust him to be a father anymore. You're so right after I focused on my son.. my eyes opened but as long I was being selfish and thinking about myself and our relationship I was blinded. I'll never go back to him. He did the unthinkable yet is crazy enough to believe I'd let him back into either one of our lives. He doesn't value life at all and is a danger to himself and others, I hope he gets the help he needs but he's not going to use me or my son as a crutch anymore.
It's honestly so inspiring to hear that you've moved on and are happy. You're very blessed for that. I can't fathom trusting someone again because I was decieved for so long and had no idea. It's not even that I don't trust others it's that's I don't trust myself or my judgement anymore. I feel like the safest thing to do is to just raise my son bymyself. I just don't want my son to feel less loved just because his father is a selfish pshyco. How do your kids feel about thier father ? Do they ask you questions about why you aren't together?