I just want to share a little about my momma because I'm missing her alot lately and everyone on this app seems to be really understanding and not judgemental about deep posts. This woman raised 3 kids by herself with little help from my father who was your typical ghost father. They divorced when I was 6 and even though my siblings who are 10 and 11 years older than me had to deal with him more than I did I could still see the wear and tear he left on them. My mom was your typical hard ass Ukrainian lady but had nothing but love to give. Throughout my teenage years we grew apart because I didn't want to be caged I wanted to be wild so I left her side... the year I graduated from high school she shared that she had cancer. She made it seem like it wasn't a life threatening illness and that some radiation would get rid of the cancer, 6 months after her diagnoses and 3 surgeries she passed away. Watching her go thru it broke my heart and I didn't know how to deal with it so being 18 I was constantly going out and Masking the pain with substances, instead of being with her and helping her through it... it breaks my heart now looking back at how selfish I was for not being there for the woman who brought me into this world. She was my bestfriend mom and now angel... I know she wouldn't have been very happy that I got pregnant but I know she would have loved my son like no tomorrow... Ryker will always know grandma loves him even though he will never meet her he will love her just as much as I do. I'm sorry I wasn't there momma but I know you aren't suffering anymore and you walk beside me everyday through these hard times 💙 #fuckcancer pardon my french