Slight rant.

I knew having a baby would disrupt the life I had before... renaissance faires, mermaid/pirate events would be delayed.

I've never been to the Labyrinth ball in L.A., was hoping to go one year. But every single renfaire, mermaid, and pirate friend I have is going THIS year. Some saying this will be their ONE time.

I missed a friend's baby shower, because we had an in home nurse come over in the morning to work on some fine motor skills. She was done for the day, so was I, and I didn't want to sit in traffic for 3 hours to drive 65ish miles... turns out they surprised their guests with a wedding too!! I missed not only a baby shower, but a wedding. I'm a shitty friend.

I feel like a shitty friend because my daughter was not only 7 weeks premature, but also has a genetic condition called Sticklers Syndrome. She has shitty vision, fluid in her ears, and a cleft soft palate with part of her hard palate split, but not enough for a bone graft.

At 4 months she'll get glasses (next month). At 6-ish months (early November) she will have a surgery to have tubes put into her ears. At one year-ish she will have her cleft palate surgery.

Most parents get vaccines at 4 months and that's it. Mine with have that at probably her eyes dilated. At 6 months most babies start trying different foods. Mine will be 2 months behind, so I probably won't try till she's 8ish months. At a year most mommies plan that special birthday party. I'll be planning for surgery and a hospital stay.

I also live in an area of privileged parents. Way too much money, everyone has nannies; some live in, and they're so privileged they think vaccines cause autism so their kids aren't vaccinated. (For the love of science DO NOT argue with me about this in comments, I'll block, it's not up for debate with me.)

Having a baby changes things, I get it. But this is not how I envisioned her life. She can't see well, she can't hear well... she's basically Hellen Keller. This week has been particularly rough. Nothing soothes her. She had an appointment with an ENT today, I asked if it was possible she had an ear infection. He couldn't see anything that made him think she does.

I knew I'd miss a few fun events, but I didn't think they would be replaced with doctor appointments for my "special needs" daughter. (She isn't special needs in the way most people think.)

Oh, also breastfeeding is out due to the cleft palate. So here I am pumping and bottle feeding, typing with one hand on my phone while watching all my friends check into hotels for the Labyrinth ball on Facebook. I need a break from social media.