I do understand. I have been on several different medications over the years and self harming has been a my main coping strategy. If there is one thing I have learnt it is that if you are feeling this way, whilst on your medication it is that you must speak to your doctor and midwife about how you are feeling and except all of the help they offer. I did with my last pregnancy but I was like you and scared of what might happen. I thought they might take the baby when she was born but it was not like that at all. In fact what they said to me was that it showed I was managing my condition (didnt feel like it at all) because I had recognised a problem and sought the appropriate help I needed x feel free to pm me if you want to talk further xx