I can feel ptsd stuff setting in as I process what happened on Saturday. Watching Joshua disappear underneath the car was terrifying and surreal. I keep expecting to break down and I haven't. I'm terrified of sleeping because I don't want to dream about it. I can't seem to remember exact moments. I can picture them happening but they don't feel like memories. It just feels like some imaginary scenario. Like when I had bad postpartum depression and anxiety and I was scared that I would put him in the dryer while I was doing laundry. Same level of emotion. I don't know what to do with it. I feel like there should be some huge difference in how I feel and how I act but it feels the same. I think. I don't even know anymore. He had a bruise on his forehead from the bumper and then the scrape on his back and his head. It feels like he got a little buzz cut in one spot only. It's all starting to peel, too. But he doesn't seem to notice. To think that the CT scam was probably more traumatizing to him than being dragged under a car. Thankfully I already have therapy twice a week so I'll be able to process it in a safe environment and hopefully not revert to self destructive coping skills.