caitv123
Caitlin Vanek Reiser
Hey ladies question... (long post)
Here's a little back story, & I don't broadcast this much, but my daughter is not my husbands, biologically. I met my husband when she was 8 weeks old. He's been the rock that holds our family together, while her biological father not only kicked me out of our house at 7 months pregnant (for hiring a professional to clean the house. He called it 'an invasion of his privacy'), he smacked my daughters head into the ground at 4 weeks old because he was angry at me. I got a protective order, it went to court - all he got was anger management training, and we've been having a custody battle ever since bc I firmly believe that after that fuckery, how the hell can he possibly claim to be a responsible parent deserving of split time with her?
But anyways, our schedule currently is erratic because he's Navy, but it boils down to an average of every-other-weekend. She screams bloody murder every time I have to leave her with him (which kills me inside) and every time she comes back, something is wrong. The last three times she's come home, she's had terrible diaper rash - and yesterday when I picked her up, I immediately thought she looked funny. As he's saying bye to her I'm like 'hey little lady! Looks like you've got a runny nose!' Cuz she had boogies coming out over her nose - and he goes "Yeaaaah, she's on a bunch of drugs."
And I'm like "Why...?"
He says "Uhhh... probably because she had a fever."
Immediately my blood starts to boil. I say "Okay. How high of a fever?"
"Uhhhh... I mean, it was a fever."
I snap "That doesn't help me AT ALL. How high was the fever?!"
"Uhhhh... not high."
I'm about to let loose rage-wise so when I finally get her in my arms I just walk away to leave, and this little lady is HOT just to touch her.
Every time something semi-major happens to Izzy, I email him - to make sure I'm "reasonably communicating" at the suggestion of my lawyer. Like when she fell running down hill and skinned her whole face up- I let him know. When she got a viral blister on her face & we ended up going to the doctor - I let him know.
So what the hell would you ladies do in this situation? . Like I want to know how he couldn't keep me updated - Couldn't tell me what medicine he's given her ("a bunch of drugs" doesn't help me) so I know when I can give her more, so I don't overdose her on Tylenol or Motrin or whatever? Couldn't tell me if she was able to sleep at all in the day? If he took her to urgent care? Or if she's had any other symptoms like vomiting or whatever?
No, alls I get was "uhhhh... it was a fever."
I am SO SICK of biting my tongue and being polite at drop offs/pick ups & in emails (again at the insistence of my attorney, so at a custody trial he can say nothing negative against me). It is eating me alive bc I want to rampage and tell him he's a piece of shit who clearly isn't fit to take care of her, ever 😡 Any suggestions for managing this situation are appreciated!
Here's a little back story, & I don't broadcast this much, but my daughter is not my husbands, biologically. I met my husband when she was 8 weeks old. He's been the rock that holds our family together, while her biological father not only kicked me out of our house at 7 months pregnant (for hiring a professional to clean the house. He called it 'an invasion of his privacy'), he smacked my daughters head into the ground at 4 weeks old because he was angry at me. I got a protective order, it went to court - all he got was anger management training, and we've been having a custody battle ever since bc I firmly believe that after that fuckery, how the hell can he possibly claim to be a responsible parent deserving of split time with her?
But anyways, our schedule currently is erratic because he's Navy, but it boils down to an average of every-other-weekend. She screams bloody murder every time I have to leave her with him (which kills me inside) and every time she comes back, something is wrong. The last three times she's come home, she's had terrible diaper rash - and yesterday when I picked her up, I immediately thought she looked funny. As he's saying bye to her I'm like 'hey little lady! Looks like you've got a runny nose!' Cuz she had boogies coming out over her nose - and he goes "Yeaaaah, she's on a bunch of drugs."
And I'm like "Why...?"
He says "Uhhh... probably because she had a fever."
Immediately my blood starts to boil. I say "Okay. How high of a fever?"
"Uhhhh... I mean, it was a fever."
I snap "That doesn't help me AT ALL. How high was the fever?!"
"Uhhhh... not high."
I'm about to let loose rage-wise so when I finally get her in my arms I just walk away to leave, and this little lady is HOT just to touch her.
Every time something semi-major happens to Izzy, I email him - to make sure I'm "reasonably communicating" at the suggestion of my lawyer. Like when she fell running down hill and skinned her whole face up- I let him know. When she got a viral blister on her face & we ended up going to the doctor - I let him know.
So what the hell would you ladies do in this situation? . Like I want to know how he couldn't keep me updated - Couldn't tell me what medicine he's given her ("a bunch of drugs" doesn't help me) so I know when I can give her more, so I don't overdose her on Tylenol or Motrin or whatever? Couldn't tell me if she was able to sleep at all in the day? If he took her to urgent care? Or if she's had any other symptoms like vomiting or whatever?
No, alls I get was "uhhhh... it was a fever."
I am SO SICK of biting my tongue and being polite at drop offs/pick ups & in emails (again at the insistence of my attorney, so at a custody trial he can say nothing negative against me). It is eating me alive bc I want to rampage and tell him he's a piece of shit who clearly isn't fit to take care of her, ever 😡 Any suggestions for managing this situation are appreciated!
26.06.2017
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tiredmom
@brookemmoore make sure you save everything that he says because it looks like he admitted to drugging your daughter in the court pays close attention to the wording of things
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
caitv123
@brookemmoore, I'm emailing my attorney as we speak, because I'm at the end of my rope.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@caitv123, that's awful! Drugging her is abuse! You tell him he better tell you what he gave her and how much or your calling the police. He should not be drugging her when she's not sick! That's awful!
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
caitv123
@tiredmom, @brookemmoore just as an update - I emailed him and he responded, basically saying he didn't say any of that at the drop off, and that he told me he gave her Tylenol. 😡🙄 he also made sure to throw in a bunch of stabs at me & sarcastic comments, and added that she didn't sleep at all overnight so he 'drugged her' halfway through the day and she took an hour & a half nap. What the hell does that mean, because Tylenol isn't going to put her to sleep 😤 i literally hate speaking to this guy.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@caitv123, it will kill you if you let it. The stress over those first two years for me ended up causing me to have a severe herniated disk in my lower back and an emergency spinal fusion. Stress does do horrible damage to our bodies.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
caitv123
@brookemmoore, yes ma'am. 😓 I'm 26 years old and I'm pretty sure I've aged an extra 20 years, just within this last year and a half from the stress of trying to figure everything out. I can't imagine how it's been for you. Lordd.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@dmm1976, no I left the house out of the bankruptcy because at the time I wanted to try to keep it. I was praying my ex wouldn't be across the street forever. After I filed bankruptcy is when he managed to put up a trailer across from me and that's when I knew he would never be leaving. The nails in our tires, the stealing from my property, breaking into my house, putting car grease all over my mailbox, it's just too much we can't stay there. We are not safe. It is what it is and I'm at peace with it. I will take the hit to save my family and my sanity. How is an abuse survivor supposed to move on when she's having to face her abuser and his constant harassment every day of her life? She can't.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
dmm1976
@brookemmoore that sucks it wasn't part of your bankruptcy? Ugh . I'm sorry you have to go through that. Especially since your credit will be taking a hit for years.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@dmm1976, also renting would require money for fixing too not to mention time I would have to go back to the house and that's the last place I ever want to go again when I am finally out.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@dmm1976, not enough time and not enough money. It needs a new roof and new siding. Since I was screwed in my divorce I ended up having to file bankruptcy so I don't have the money to fix up the house and so far, no one has given me an offer on it as is and it's been up for sale for a year. I can't keep waiting on it. My family needs to get away from there now.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@caitv123, exactly!!! It's all about the judges preference! The law doesn't matter. The kids lives doesn't matter. It's all about what a judges beliefs are! It's sickening!! It is a horrible way to run a country and I was so shocked when I went through it all and learned just how fu#%ed up it is!! It's not right at all. Not in any stretch of the imagination.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
dmm1976
@brookemmoore why wouldn't you sell it? If you have been paying on it for 10 years I can't imagine walking away and ruining your credit. You can't just list it and rent?
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
caitv123
@brookemmoore, Jesus Christ!! You're so right about the documentation & judges, though - at our last hearing, the normal judge for our case was out on a family emergency - and a stand in, super old judge was there. My lawyer moved to have us come back in 6 months to see if we could just reach an agreement between ourselves and have it ratified by the court when we came back. Afterwards, she told me it was because this stand-in judge is super Pro-military, and because my ex always shows up in his dress uniform to try to play the military card, she thinks he would have just given him anything he requested. I'm so baffled as to how personal effing bias can be a reason to negatively impact a child's life!! How can his being the second-lowest ranking officer in the navy just automatically means his terrible behavior towards his daughter is just excused?!
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@tiredmom, he's a narcissistic sociopath. There's no reasoning for his actions and no sane person could understand.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@bonbonmama, yes you have to document but when it comes down to the court, don't bank on them caring. The judge didn't even read the PAGES of documented fuckups I had on my ex. It all comes down to whether you have a judge that gives a damn or not. It's really really fu-*ed up. One judge I had only let me speak for 2 minutes because he was ready to go to lunch. Another I had, she hated women who were educated and who had their ex in jail. She felt sorry for that piece of crap in handcuffs! She gave me All the debt we had collected for 16 years and told me that since he didn't have a job that I make plenty enough to pay it all! Oh the stories of that hell that I could tell you. The system is fuc%#d up, there's no nice way to put it.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
tiredmom
@brookemmoore wow. That's awful. I don't understand why people act like that.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@tiredmom, yes it is. I have owned my home for 10 years now and it's in the country. He convinced the old man across the street that I was evil and that he was unjustly forced to leave (which you know is a lie because the police will not make a husband leave without an order of protection which is hard to get) so the old man let him live with him and eventually gave him land and he now has a trailer there. The harassment has been unstoppable. It's so bad that I am walking away from my home. I'm giving it to the bank so that I can move and I'm going to rent a house far away from him. In three weeks I give up everything I worked so hard for all my life just so I can get away from him.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
bonbonmama
Make sure you document every little fuckup he makes. In a court of law that's documentation not here say.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@caitv123, I pray you find a way to get your baby away from your ex girl. I don't want you to suffer like this. Fight. Never stop fighting. Do everything you can.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@tiredmom, according to the lawyer, she can refuse to see him but he can force the issue by getting the police involved and having me arrested if I don't make her go, and trust me he will. I can't tell you how many times the police have been involved in this bs. I know them all by name and have their cell phones on speed dial. (My ex moved in across the street from me the day the police made him leave my house so long story but yeah it's been a living hell)
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
caitv123
@brookemmoore, un.fucking.believable!! Everything I hear just breaks my damn heart!
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
tiredmom
@brookemmoore she'll be old enough soon to start refusing to see him. I'm pretty sure at 13 she can say she doesn't want to see him. That's how it is here at least.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
caitv123
@tiredmom, oh my lord ☹️I'm sorry you're dealing with this kind of thing as well. It's exhausting.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
@caitv123, I do too girl. It's so messed up. No matter what he's done or admitted to, they still think he deserves visitation. I worry CONSTANTLY when my daughter is with him. His girlfriend does cocaine! They steal and teach my daughter how to steal. He was a vey abusive man who even had his friends rape me. He's a sick perverted piece of crap yet I have to let my daughter be with him and his trash friends twice a month. It makes me sick to my stomach and she hates going over there. My daughter is 12 now. This has been going on for 4 years so she wasn't as young as your baby when she started having to go see him. I can't imagine how much harder it is with your baby being so young and you not having a clue what's happening. My daughter tells me everything but I can't use any of it in court because it's "hear say" and the court thinks she's too young to speak. I literally HATE our pathetic judicial system.
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tiredmom
@caitv123 I know. Read my post, I'm having to be nice to the ex-wife. We have custody of my SD.
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caitv123
@tiredmom, I was thinking of emailing him just that - asking what medicines and for any other relevant details, so that it would come across professionally. But MAN is it hard to internalize all this anger and just be polite 😤
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
caitv123
@brookemmoore, that is seriously awful! I don't understand how this is possibly acceptable - like in what world does neglecting, threatening, or abusing your kids constitute any type visitation?! Every weekend she goes to his house I can't sleep at night because I'm up worrying and praying she's okay.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
tiredmom
You're doing the right thing by holding your tongue. It makes you look good in the courts eyes. The most that you can do is ask him to keep you informed of when she gets sick and when and how much meds he gives her so you can keep up with it when she comes back. Make sure you keep proof of everything. So either text or email that to him.
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
brookemmoore
I know how you feel. I followed all the rules to and my kids suffered from it. My daughter still suffers. My loser ex is a lot like yours. Doesn't tell me crap and can't be trusted to take care of her at all. He's a sick piece of crap who's been to jail for shooting at me and the kids yet the system still says he deserves visitation! I've tried everything to keep her from having to go see him. I've gone to numerous lawyers and they all say there's nothing I can do without proof that she is being harmed or in a harmful environment. He and his whore teach her to steal! They are horrible maggots and not deserving of any time with my child at all. I absolutely hate it and I'm so sorry your having to go through it too. I really am 😪
26.06.2017 Нравится Ответить
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