Advice needed: So, I'm basically holding onto something my man did that really hurt me. He wasn't there for our son's…
Advice needed:
So, I'm basically holding onto something my man did that really hurt me.
He wasn't there for our son's birth. I'd begged him to call out of work saying I knew they wouldn't let him off in time if he went in.
I gave birth alone. My dad didn't show, my sister didn't show, even my birthing coach my step mom didnt....Ill never forget 1 nurse who was literally there from me entering the hospital on Sunday to giving birth on tuesday. She ate her meals with me and had her husband bring us movies to watch.
My man only stopped by a few hours, brought me my bag and that's it.
The reason it hurt is not only was this our first child (and most likely last) he's my only child....i feel so hurt that I had to do it alone...when his ex wife didn't.
They were separated. They lived in 2 different cities....he still was there for his daughters birth.
When I try to talk to him about it I get so emotional, and it turns into a huge fight....
How can I move on from this? I mean....I will never get a redo, there won't be another child, another chance for him to be there and see it.
It's compounded by the fact there were health issues and my son spent the first 24 hours of his life in isolation hooked to machines.....i had to deal with it alone....
He came up once he got off work, but left soon after.....yes we had 2 other kids at home but our room mate was taking care of them....he had no excuse to not be there...
Deleted·
@wyattsmomma16 I'm so sorry that you had to go through delivering your child and his subsequent health issues alone. Although I don't know exactly what you're feeling, my husband told me there was a possibility he too wouldn't be able to make it to the birth of our 1st child bc of work and I still remember how hurt and crushed I was at the thought of having to do it all alone and not even knowing what to expect. Ultimately, like you said you can't go back in time and carrying that pain around not only hurts you but your relationship. You can either forgive or leave him. Don't allow it to consume you and make you resentful. Once again, I'm sorry you had to go through that huge life transition alone.
Leah·
Мама сына-младенца
@wyattsmomma16, I wouldn't care if he was making 4,000 that hour I would still want him there he helped make that baby. As for ur fam and him well u know what matters most u and that baby that's all I would worry about if I was n ur shoes forget them u have ur own little fam now
Patience Ledesma·
I don't think that's right at all whenever someone in my family has a baby it don't matter if they work or not they could atleast come visit before or after work
krista henderson·
Мама сына-младенца
No. When asked they say that they tried to come but work/so or life stopped them from being able to
Patience Ledesma·
I'm so sorry dear did your family say why they didn't come?
krista henderson·
Мама сына-младенца
@patience.ledesma
That's the other thing that hurt...not having anyone there. My own family...i drove 6 hours to be there for all of my sister's kids...minus her first in which the military had sent me away. But she had our mom for the first 2. Mom passed away so I didn't even have that.
All my friends knew I was alone...they didn't even visit after his birth.....
I have never felt more alone and hurt in my life....
Patience Ledesma·
@txyogagirl, I agree with you I don't thing I would ever get over that cause at the end of the day it's only money money can't buy the happiness and I understand it was good money but he could've stayed with you longer and it might hurt him in the long run when his child asks him about his birth and he wount be able to tell him he'll have to say he wasn't there but I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone if you were my friend and I knew you well enough I would've went to be with you
krista henderson·
Мама сына-младенца
@txyogagirl
You didnt. And I'm not angry over it, just really hurt.
A part of me knows we really couldn't afford for him to call out, as it was a holiday so he was getting paid almost 40 an hour that day...but another part of me feels cheated...like, I want another chance.
I feel if we had another child, and he was there I could move on. I want the experience of him being by my side...
Leah·
Мама сына-младенца
@wyattsmomma16, I hope I don't hurt ur felling but honestly I could never get over that I would feel it's my child not his I did it alone so I will raise it alone that would just be my attitude it's probably not the best but I'm just saying that's why men don't have babies they aren't strong enough. I would be pissed forever. Don't think I could stand to even be around him u poor thing I know that had to be so hard. Like how can u not be there for the birth of ur child I were there when u we're making him right