I commented this on another post, but I think it might help for you, too. My mother always used to say that babies and children who didn't make it were too good as spirits in heaven to be on this earth. They just came down to get their mortal bodies and then their jobs were done.
It's heartbreaking and I personally don't think I'd ever get over it, but I also like the thought of being the mother to a spirit so pure that God wanted him or her back.
I hope you feel better soon. β€ I think I can speak for everyone on the app that we're all here to support you.